Chapter XXXII Praise
XXXII Praise
I fall asleep at once and wake up when it’s still light outside. My head hurts even more. When Khay sees me stir, he comes over with a glass of water and another of something that smells herbal and bitter.
“Raduna talked to the keep’s healer,” he says cautiously, as if he expects me to lash out. “He, ah, recommended you drink this to replenish your strength. Most of the Agnidari remedies work for humans, too. They study it at the university and everything.”
He breathes with relief when I take the cup and down the brew in quick gulps. It’s awful, and I wash it down with water. Khay refills my cup without asking and continues hovering by my bedside, a worried line between his eyebrows.
The sky outside blazes orange, and I sigh wistfully, the warm light adding charm to the colors decorating my bedroom. It looks so cozy and soft.
“How are you feeling?” Khay asks after a lengthy silence.
I startle, looking away from the windows. He wrings his hands, still standing, and I pat the mattress at my side. Khay sits at once, almost stumbling in his haste.
“Like a fool,” I admit. “I screamed at Magnar, at you all. Made quite a scene.”
Khay gives a noncommittal shrug and keeps watching me expectantly.
“My head and body hurt. I’m tired, maybe coming down with something. I don’t know. Yesterday was intense, and then before that… A lot has happened.”
He nods, smiling gently. “Yeah. So here’s the thing: Every time we come back from a campaign, we have these rituals.
Raduna locks himself in his greenhouse for days, Arvi throws knives by the pond, and I get sick and spend a week in bed.
Only Magnar doesn’t allow himself to rest until he tackles everything that amassed during his time away, and once that’s done, he gets sick, too. Usually vomits and stuff. It’s ugly.”
I frown. “Why are you telling me this?”
“You just went through quite an ordeal of your own. I mean, a forced wedding, your father’s death, fast travel to Roharra, riding in the rain, that abduction…
And then a wedding night no virgin should be forced to endure, which is our fault, and we’re sorry.
So, I think maybe you’re discovering your own ritual. ”
I scoff, shaking my head. “My ritual?”
“Yeah.” Khay grins, showing off his white fangs. “For when you finally feel safe and can let go after a long time of exertion. You rage, let it all out, and then you get tired and sick. A ritual.”
I pull my knees up to my chin and close my eyes, thinking. Khay strokes my head hesitantly, and when I don’t push him away, he crawls into bed and settles by my side, pulling me to lean on his chest.
“I do feel safe,” I admit after a long silence. “It’s strange. I should be anything but. I’m far away from home in a foreign country, and my old life was torn to shreds, nothing left. But this room… It’s like I can finally rest.”
He hums, playing with my hair. “Maybe your ordeal didn’t begin that day Magnar forced you to marry him. Maybe you’re recovering from something larger, hm?”
I agree with him, but I won’t say it, because then he’ll ask what my ordeal was. Though, was my father the only source of suffering and tension? No, he was just a part of it.
“I would have never allowed myself to scream at someone before,” I say, frowning. “Because I knew I’d be punished. But you… None of you did.”
“We fight sometimes, too. It’s inevitable when you’re so close with other people, my lady.
Magnar and us, knights—we’re like brothers.
Maybe closer, because you don’t choose what family you’re born into, and we chose each other.
No one’s going to lock you up for having an opinion or a bad day, you know.
You’re right to feel safe here. No one will hurt you ever again. ”
I wrestle with that thought, and for some reason, I don’t feel relief. Instead, I’m terrified. I don’t know how to be safe, I realize. It feels like a trick, a cruel promise that will be broken when it will hurt me the most.
“Was Magnar very angry?”
Khay’s chest moves under my cheek as he sighs. “More like frustrated. Angry with himself, not you. He’s really trying, and it didn’t help that… Ah, well. You both need time. We all do.”
“What didn’t help?”
He clears his throat to answer, but there’s a knock on the door. It swings open, and Raduna comes in, bearing a tray.
“Good, you’re up.” He smiles, sitting on the mattress with the tray in his lap. “I’ve got soup, bread, and more herbs from the healer. And these here are tomatoes from my greenhouse! I planted them before we rode to take Farneer. They came out really well.”
I sit up, taking a bowl of small red, yellow, and purplish fruit. “I’ve never seen tomatoes like these.”
“Well, there are many varieties,” Raduna says with a smile. “I like breeding new kinds, too, though it takes years to see results. Try one and tell me if it’s good.”
I select the darkest tomato and pop it in my mouth. It’s flavorful and sweet, and just a little tart. “It’s delicious!”
Raduna beams at me, cheeks purpling with a blush, and Khay chuckles under his breath, stealing a tomato.
“See? This is courting,” he says after he swallows. “Raduna brings you fruit from his own garden, that he planted and picked himself. When he chopped off the heads of people who attacked you, that was courting, too. He isn’t usually that violent.”
Raduna nods, his flush deepening, though he holds my gaze without flinching when I study his face.
“But why courting? You already have me. Magnar married me twice. He doesn’t need to court me.”
“But he wants to,” Raduna says with a small smile. “As do I. Tell me, my queen, do you prefer tomatoes to your enemies’ heads, then?”
I can’t help it—I laugh, covering the bowl before Khay steals more of my courting gift. “Well, I love these. But… I appreciate being protected, too. Thank you for everything.”
After I’m done eating, my knights help me undress.
Khay opens one of the large wardrobes built into the walls of the room, revealing a lot of compartments filled with silks, lace, jewelry…
He takes out a nightshirt, thinner and much more beautiful than the ones I brought with me.
It’s midnight blue, long but narrow, and trimmed with gorgeous, shimmery lace.
“Our fashions are a bit different from yours,” he says when I run my fingers over the smooth fabric, sighing with pleasure. “These were Agnidari-sized and have been taken in and trimmed to fit you. You’ll have your own bespoke wardrobe, of course. These are things to wear in the meantime.”
“It’s beautiful, but quite indecent.” I bite the inside of my lip, hesitating. I’d love to wear it, but it’s definitely not proper attire.
“You can always sleep without any clothes on,” Raduna says, settling his warm palms on my shoulders, his thumbs pressing in blissfully on either side of my spine. “I assure you we won’t complain.”
I step from foot to foot, finally snatching the nightshirt from Khay’s hands. I shimmy it on, and both Khay and Raduna watch me intensely, then run their hands down the silk clinging to my breasts and back. I step away with a shaky breath.
“Um. I’m still quite sore.”
“Why don’t we make you come once or twice?” Raduna asks, voice dropping to a low rumble. “It would help you sleep better, my queen.”
“Everyone is so helpful these days,” I grumble, my face growing hot.
Memories from last night warm my thighs: Raduna plowing within me with lustful confidence, Khay’s honeyed length in my mouth, and the endless tumble of half-sleeping debauchery, cocks and seed pushed inside me time after time.
“We always want to help you,” the older knight says with amusement. “Especially if it involves spending time between your lovely legs.”
I release a shaky breath, hesitating. Khay steps closer and buries his fingers in my hair, angling my face up.
“We’ll make you come and let you sleep, and you won’t be disturbed. No one’s going to take you if you don’t agree, my diamond. And we won’t expect reciprocation tonight. Though you should know I’ll keep score and remind you when you feel better.”
“He always keeps score,” Raduna confirms with a nod. “When he ropes you into stupid bets, run for the hills.”
I groan, because my headache chooses this moment to return, but it’s too late to refuse. I’m wet between my legs, and I need relief.
“Fine. Just—be gentle with me,” I sigh.
Raduna picks me up, cradling me in his arms, and lays me carefully in the center of the bed.
Khay follows, wearing a pleased smirk. Gentle hands push up my nightshirt until the silk gathers around my belly.
Khay lowers the straps, baring my breasts.
I don’t even know how it’s possible, but being undressed like this, with my clothes hastily pushed away from my private areas, feels even more indecent than being naked.
“Fuck, isn’t she beautiful?” Khay whispers hotly, pressing his mouth to my throat, where he kisses a tingling path down to my collarbones.
“She is,” Raduna confirms, lifting my hips in one hand like it’s no chore.
He puts a pillow underneath and settles between my legs, kissing my inner thighs while his calm, brown eyes lock with mine. I have to remind myself to breathe. This is so scandalously pleasant, and all they’ve done so far is kiss me.
“Such soft, pretty skin,” Raduna murmurs, trailing kisses up my thigh, but not quite high enough. “Such a beautiful body, and don’t get me started on her face.”
“Oh, she has a gorgeous face,” Khay chimes in, kissing along my jaw.
He’s reversed course before even touching my breasts.
“Such full, plush lips. They are every man’s wet dream.
Do you know I fantasized about kissing them, and having them wrapped around my cock, from the very first moment I saw her?
Yeah, I was naughty, but come on. It’s impossible not to have dirty thoughts about lips so fine. ”