Chapter 38
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
ATHENA
Once we returned from Radiant, showered, and changed into comfy pajamas, I grabbed one of the candles that I had made a couple of weeks ago with Charlie’s favorite scent—strawberry—and headed to the living room.
Charlie cut a slice of cheesecake for us in the kitchen, staying silent.
The silence was almost eerie because, usually, Charlie was wound up with excitement and confidence. It was rare that I saw him look so … gloomy, especially after we had just come home from an activity that he’d planned.
“What’s wrong?” I asked as he approached.
“Nothing.”
I lit the candle and watched him place down the plate on the table. Something was wrong.
Maybe he was coming down from the high of being at Radiant together. Maybe he needed something that the girls called aftercare. Heather and Sierra always talked about it, but never really explained what it was.
So, I sat down on the couch and tugged on his shoulder. “Come here.”
Charlie moved closer to me and laid his head on my lap. I drew my fingers through his white-blonde hair and massaged his scalp. He closed his eyes and finally relaxed for the first time since we made it home.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
“Yes.”
“You know that you can tell me.”
“I know.”
Silence followed, and when I didn’t think that he would open up to me tonight, I grabbed the plate of cheesecake from Doughburgh and broke a piece off with my fork, feeding it to Charlie, who happily accepted.
I took a piece for myself and stared out our window and into the city. It was so beautiful, even in the freezing cold, even in the dead of winter. The city lights always made me happy. It was one of the reasons Charlie had picked this apartment for us.
Charlie shifted in my arms, and I returned my attention to him.
When I went out with the girls, they always talked about aftercare. I always thought it was weird because their sex lives were amazing, but they’d talk about how they loved aftercare so much more …
Now, I finally understood it.
I closed my eyes and drew my finger through his hair. This was more than nice. This was the calm after the storm—quiet and intimate, peaceful and relaxing after being worked up for hours at Radiant.
“I love you, Charlie Easton,” I murmured to him. “That’s never going to change.”
Again, more silence, but this time, his entire body became tense. So, I opened my eyes and gazed down at him, gently tilting his face up at me. There were tears in his eyes, and he was biting down on his bottom lip, the way he did whenever he was upset.
“Do you promise?” he whispered.
My eyes widened, tears welling in them. Charlie Easton never cried in front of me. Ever.
Seeing him so distraught, seeing him this upset, killed me on the inside.
I pulled him tighter. “I promise, Charlie. I will always love you, no matter what.”
He buried his face into my lap, his shoulders jerking slightly as he let out a muffled whimper. I rubbed his back, a few tears slipping down my cheeks.
What had Charlie’s father said to him at Radiant?
“And if I … if I don’t make it in the business,” he asked, “will you still love me?”
“Yes, I’ll still love you,” I whispered, taking his face in my hands. “Stop it.”
He sat and shook his head, staring at me with so much pain on his face. “If I lose you—no, no. I can’t lose you. I’ve waited so long for you to be mine, but I feel like everything is falling out of place. I feel like the whole world is against me, between the fundraising and my father, Derek …”
I pushed his tears away with my thumbs. This had all come on so suddenly.
“I don’t care how much money you make. I don’t care if your business succeeds or fails. I don’t care what we do together. All I want is for you to be happy, Charlie,” I whispered.
He had always told me that he didn’t care what people thought, but it seemed like he did a bit more than he had led on.
And it was hard to let go, to truly not care about the opinions of others.
“Look at me,” I whispered to him, lifting his chin and kissing him on the lips, tasting the saltiness of his tears. “You’re mine as much as I’m yours, and I won’t give up on you, no matter what happens between us or to us.”
If I had known that the man at brunch was Charlie’s father, I never would’ve said anything to him and really wouldn’t have let him pay. I thought it was an innocent interaction, someone finding our girl group cute and wanting to make our day.
After Charlie had told me the truth, I knew his father had done that to make Charlie upset.
“I love you,” he whispered against my lips, resting his forehead on mine.
“I love you too, Charlie.”