Chapter 24
Axel
I woke early the following morning.
Looking around the villa, I allowed myself to imagine what it would be like if this were every morning.
Closing my eyes, I could see it all. Luca would be wrapped around me until I stirred just enough for him to roll over, still asleep.
He’d settled back in, clutching his pillow like it were me, before I crept out of bed to start the coffee.
The kids would be passed out across the way in their rooms, sleeping late in the summer months, dreading the start of school.
When the coffee was ready, I would bring him a cup, made just how he preferred, and place it on the bedside table.
I would slide back into bed, the smell of his morning brew and my hands would wake him up.
Luca would roll over and smile sleepily, but the minute he opened his eyes and found me, the coffee would be forgotten for another half an hour as we quietly made love.
I would swallow his moans and sighs as he rode me, reaching his climax over my chest before I fell apart beneath him.
Reaching for my erection, I took myself in hand.
Squeezing the base, I tried not to think about how perfect it had been last night.
Everything he’d said echoed in my brain.
He loved me, for me. Somehow, his words tore down my walls and left my heart open for him to walk right in.
One look at Luca, and it wouldn’t take long to get there. But evidently I had woken him.
“Axel,” he whispered, his voice thick from sleep. His hand stroked up and down my chest as we looked at one another. Without breaking eye contact, his hand slipped under the sheet. “I want to do it. I want to take care of you the way you take care of me.”
Releasing myself, I whipped the sheet back as he straddled my lap.
Taking me in hand, he started slowly with a twisting motion before palming the head.
“I want to know what makes you feel good. What makes your breath hitch.” His left hand toyed with my sac, massaging and tugging.
“What feels so good that you have to fight for control.” His fingers drifted to my perineum and stroked.
“What makes your hands ball into fists,” he said, pressing on my opening, “your jaw clench, and your head to fall back, fighting not to come.” He pressed more, and my legs parted.
I wanted him there, but he had me riding an edge.
“Your chest heaving as you find your release.”
Clenching my jaw so tightly it ached, I reached for his erection. Mirroring his strokes, his chest rose and fell, his breathing labored, just like mine. Lifting my legs, he rose enough that I could touch his opening. Luca hissed and closed his eyes, whimpering my name on a strangled groan. “Axel.”
With gentle ministrations, I massaged his opening. “Are you sore, love?”
He shook his head. “Don’t care. Just need you.”
I fought with my need for control until I came up with an alternate solution. “You inside me.”
His eyes opened as his chest heaved. “You want that?”
“Yes, with you.” Reaching for the lube, he took it from me with wide eyes. “You know what to do.”
“Okay, but if I do it wrong,” he trailed off.
I shook my head as I gazed into his eyes.
“Impossible.” I would take whatever he gave me, but my Luca had always been a quick study.
All our practice up to this point was going to pay off, and when he finally, finally sank into me, skin to skin, I stopped breathing.
Luca watched my face as we panted together.
His words from last night came back to me again.
I could feel his love in every touch and glance. The very love I had longed for.
His brow drew together, concern marring his handsome face. “Are you okay, babe? Did I hurt you?”
My fingers curled around his neck to bring his mouth to mine. “The only way you could hurt me is to leave me.”
Luca’s mouth opened to respond, but I slid my tongue in to stop him.
My hand went to his ass to encourage him to move.
Getting the message, Luca moved at an agonizingly slow pace that I recognized.
He drove me wild, breaking our kiss to find a rhythm.
Taking me in hand, my prodigy worked me over, grazing my prostate until my back arched off the bed as I came.
My contractions around him widened his eyes. “Oh god, that’s tight.”
Stroking and touching the man I loved through his first topside orgasm was all I cared about. When he was spent, his head tipped forward, chin to his chest, eyes closed, and boneless. “Come here, love,” I said, pulling him to my chest. He slipped from my body, making me miss him immediately.
Equally exhausted, I need to hold him close. My left hand went to his back as I sat up with him on my lap. “I should clean us up,” I said.
Luca pushed us back onto the soft pillows, settling. “That was so sexy. Waking up to you stroking yourself like that, right there beside me. It made me wonder if it was me you were thinking about.”
My face split into a grin even though it was difficult to keep my eyes open. “Keep talking like that, and we’ll be going again.”
Luca’s sweet laughter filled my heart. “I’ve got a better idea. Let’s go wash off in the ocean.”
“Hmm. I like that idea. Skinny dipping before breakfast. Another first.”
With newfound energy, Luca climbed off me, then pulled me up and laced his fingers with mine. Naked, we strolled into the water.
After a late breakfast, we spent the afternoon exploring the island. We were equally fascinated by the local crafts and art. I came across a painting by a local artist, painted from what could be the viewpoint of our villa. “I’m going to buy it.”
Luca didn’t respond with more than a smile. “You don’t like it? It reminds me of our beach.”
“No, I love it. But are you sure you want that much of a reminder? What if…”
I cut him off. “I find something I like better? I’ll buy it too.”
He tipped his head to the side. “You know what I mean,” he said quietly.
Draping my arm over his shoulders, I spoke into his ear. “I do, love. But things are different for us. We’ve crossed a line I don’t intend to allow you to retreat from. You’re mine, and I’m yours. If I have to tie you to my bed to prove it, so be it. I’ll buy the rope.”
I pointed to the painting. “I’m going to hang that behind the bed so every time we walk into the bedroom, we’re reminded of the best night and morning of our lives.”
“You do that,” he said, kissing my cheek.
After purchasing the painting, I paid to have it delivered to the villa.
We wandered out to the first destination that the travel agent had suggested.
The cave system offered a unique tour and an opportunity for a much-needed massage.
As we approached the entrance, Luca quickly refused.
Squeezing my hand, his eyes darted around the entrance, then he pulled back.
“I can’t go in there.” His voice quivered as the breath sawed in and out of his chest. When he dropped my hand to tug at the elastic band on his wrist, I knew something was terribly wrong.
“Okay, it’s okay,” I said, pulling him against my chest. “We don’t have to go in. It was just an idea.” Rubbing his back, I held him tightly until the fear began to subside. He clung to me as he fisted my shirt in his hands. “Are you claustrophobic, or just don’t like caves?”
He shook his head and spoke into my shoulder. “It's more than that.”
I wasn’t sure what he meant, but maybe getting him to focus on something else would help. “Look out there,” I suggested. “The cruise ships are coming in.”
Luca turned and lay his head on my shoulder.
Focusing on the water as I rubbed his back, he didn’t speak.
I filled the air with nonsense. “My teammates are always going on about the cruises they take in the offseason. Don’t tell anyone, but I don’t like cruise ships.
I have a fear of falling overboard and being eaten by a shark or swallowed by a whale.
If Decker or Karlsson knew that, they’d never let me live it down. ”
Luca lifted his head to look at me. “Your secret is safe with me.” He looked back out at the massive ship docking. “I don’t like them either.”
“Thank god,” I said, “more proof that we’re meant to be.” That brought a smile. “Let’s sit down.”
I kept my arm around his shoulder as we walked to a shaded spot where we could sit and look at the water. Spreading my legs, I pulled him between them and enveloped him in my arms. Luca reclined against me as he breathed. The tension slowly left his body. “I’m sorry I ruined it.”
Holding him, I rested my chin on his shoulder. “There’s nothing to be sorry about, love. It was one in a million things to do.” I kissed his ear. “I’m here, and nothing will ever hurt you again.”
Luca nodded and sat quietly, clutching my arms as he curled in on himself. “I thought I had put it all behind me, but sometimes…it comes out of nowhere.”
“I understand. You might not believe this, but I was an angry teenager. If someone made the mistake of saying something cross to me, I would beat the shit out of them. Got myself in lots of trouble until a teacher suggested finding an outlet. That’s how I found hockey.
Fighting is legal on the ice, and I internalized a lot of my anger toward my mom.
” I held him closer. “I didn’t know how to deal with. ”
“Are you suggesting I play hockey to exorcise my demons?”
“Maybe. I could teach you.”
That made him chuckle. “That would be comical. I don’t know how to skate.”
“We can fix that.” I leaned in to breathe him in. “You give me perspective I’ve never had.”
“What do you mean?”
“The more you share about your life, the more I realize mine wasn’t as terrible as I thought. You make me see things through a different lens.”
He kissed my forearm. “Do you think you’ll ever be able to forgive them?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. Leaving us and lying about Mason is unforgivable to me. I lost my brother.”
“My mother left me when I was five. Took me into the social services office and left me there.”
My heart ached. I tightened my arms around him. “I’m sorry, love.”
He shrugged. “I try to block it out. Forget it happened. I’d like to think she had a good reason.” He dropped his chin. “It fucked me up.”
I didn’t know how to respond to the last part with anything but an admission of my own.
“We’re both a little fucked up, love. I can’t imagine what it was like for you.
” I kissed his cheek again and held him tighter.
“If I ever get past what they did, it will be because of you. My life was nothing like yours, and I’m almost ashamed of my behavior.
I had a parent and a home. I never needed anything. ” I hugged him tighter.
“But you were still neglected emotionally, Axel. Your feelings are valid. No one knows what you went through but you.”
I wasn’t so sure about that, but I appreciated how he hadn’t dismissed my feelings.
“After Christopher went home, my foster parents took in another kid. He was older and picked on me when they weren’t around.
I tried to get him to stop, but I was a scrawny kid.
One evening, he said he’d stop picking on me if I crawled under the house to get the ball.
How bad could it be? So I went under, and he locked me in.
It was dark, and there was barely enough room to sit up without hitting my head on the beams. Spiderwebs were everywhere, and I could hear things scurrying around.
I screamed and begged to be let out, but he thought it was funny.
” His body shook, and I held him closer.
Rage engulfed every cell in my body. “I’m here, love. I’m here.” I kissed his neck and cheek. Luca shook his head, but didn’t respond. “Did you tell anyone?”
“It wouldn’t do any good. I had a panic attack and blacked out. When I stopped screaming, he got scared and opened the door. He pulled me out and took me inside. I woke up dirty on the bed and got in trouble for making a mess. I couldn’t win.”
“Didn’t you tell them what happened?”
“No. He’d just get back at me, and it would be worse next time. It was better to take my punishment and keep my mouth shut.”
“I’m going to need his…”
He patted my arm. “He was killed when he was nineteen. Drive by shooting.”
“Karma is a bitch. He got what he deserved.”
Luca shrugged. “Maybe. I didn’t trust anyone after that.
Not a soul. Kept my guard up, a bag packed, and decided I would run away if I needed to.
They moved me soon after that. The next one was a good place.
I was there for two years. They were kind, and I finally thought I might be okay.
But they had to make a choice between three siblings and me. They chose them.”
I felt every blow in my chest. “Why not keep you too?”
“They wanted small kids, and the couple just didn’t have the room for four. It’s easier to move one than to separate three. That’s when I ended up in a group home.”
“How old were you?”
“Fourteen. It’s okay. I survived.”
I held him close as we sat quietly watching the ships until his stomach growled. “How about some lunch?”
He nodded. “That sounds good.”
When we got to our feet, I draped my arm over his shoulders as we walked back toward the nearby resort. “We have our first massage scheduled at three.”
Luca’s smile was back. “First? How many do you need?”
“All massages are not the same. You’ll see.”
Every time he shared something new about his life, I wanted to protect him even more.
When we were together, I was the happiest I had ever been.
I wanted to spend every second of every day with Luca, but that wasn’t possible.
Things were going to get complicated, and time would be limited.
I hope we didn’t go backward, or he didn’t run or push me away.