Chapter 30
Axel
Something was wrong. Very fucking wrong.
Heath was deep in conversation about his former team, while I quietly fretted over my boyfriend's absence. It wasn’t like him to be gone so long unless he wasn’t feeling well. When I failed to respond, Heath stopped talking. “Axel. Is everything okay?”
“Yes, it’s fine.” My knee bounced, wishing he would go. “I need to check on Luca.”
As I stood, he rose from the sofa. “I should probably go. I need to unpack. Just wanted to stop by and say hello. I’m sorry if I ruined your evening with…” he trailed off.
“Luca,” I said, ready for him to go. “We’re together.”
His lips curled in as he agreed. Was there a hint of disappointment there? “That’s what I thought. He’s probably not too happy with me right now.”
Forcing a smile, I stuffed my hands in my pockets for something to do. I needed him to go. “I’m sure he’s fine. He’s finishing up his graduate degree.”
Heath stared at me. “You smile when you talk about him.”
My face broke into another smile. “Do I?”
“Yes, you do.” He put his hand on my arm. “Just be careful, Axel. You’re a wealthy man.”
I squinted down at our connection, waiting for the electricity I felt when Luca touched me.
Nothing. Just the heat of his hand on my arm.
His comment should have pissed me off, but I laughed because he had no idea.
“That’s not a problem with Luca. Just the opposite.
He couldn’t care less about my money or hockey.
He only wants me.” Saying it out loud settled something in me.
When he winced, I realized what I’d said.
We were adults now, and our time had passed.
We’d both chosen hockey over everything.
“That’s good. I’m excited that we’re going to get to live out our dream.
Playing together again.” He looked over my shoulder, then at me.
“Will it be a problem if I hug you? Two old friends for old times’ sake? ”
Years ago, he was my best friend. “Sure.”
Reaching out, I hugged him with a pat on the back. Knowing the spark had died, I was confident we could move into the realm of friends and work well for our team.
His phone pinged in his pocket. “My ride is here. I’ll let you get back to him. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Yes,” I said, opening the door. “See you at practice.”
When he walked out, I closed the door behind him.
Before releasing the handle, the feeling that I’d missed something crept up.
Opening the door again, I took a moment to look around.
That’s when I realized Luca’s car was not on the street where he insisted on parking. He was gone, without saying goodbye.
I closed the door and picked up my phone. Opening the location app, his blue dot blinked from his apartment. Tapping his number, the line rang three times before going to voicemail. I ended the call and tried again. There was only one thing to do..
Grabbing my keys, I headed to the garage and slipped into my car. The drive to his apartment took less time with Sunday evening traffic, and when I found a space close to his building, I took it as a sign.
Taking the stairs two at a time, I knocked on the door, waiting for him to answer. Relief washed through me when the door swung open, and Luca stood in the doorway. I didn’t think. I simply pulled him into my arms. “Why did you leave?”
His posture was stiff, setting off every alarm bell in my brain. When he pulled away, I knew there was a problem. “Come in,” he said, closing the door behind me. My stomach roiled as he leaned against it. “You didn’t have to come over here.”
I folded my arms. “You wouldn’t answer my call.”
He ran a hand through his damp hair. “I was in the shower.”
“That still doesn’t answer my question.”
Luca inhaled deeply, then released it. “It felt like the right thing to do. To give you some time with him.”
I tilted my head, trying to work it out. “Why would you need to leave? I wasn’t the one who invited him in, then disappeared.”
“I know that,” he barked. “I’m not accusing you of anything.
” Pushing off the door, he went to the sofa and sat down, his head in his hands.
Unsure what to do, I waited until he spoke.
“I’m out of my depth here, Axel. My emotions are out of control, and my head and my heart are right there with them.
” He took another deep breath, but didn’t look up.
“Maybe it’s the exhaustion from trying to juggle everything.
” He ran his fingers through his hair, but kept his eyes on the floor.
My heartbeat pounded in my ears as my greatest fear slipped from my mouth. “Are you leaving me?”
Luca’s eyes snapped up to mine, his fear mirroring mine. “No. I just needed some space to deal with my stupid feelings, and I thought you did as well to get past the awkwardness.” He swallowed, and I saw the hurt enter his eyes. “Is that what you want? To break…”
I cut him off. “No, love.” The thought alone broke my heart and sent me closing the distance.
I sat down and pulled him over onto my chest. Kissing his head, I could breathe normally again when Luca melted into me.
Carding my fingers through his hair, I spoke softly.
“Tell me what I did wrong and I’ll never do it again. ”
Luca released a heavy sigh. “It’s my insecurity.
My heart believes everything you told me about him.
I know you were kids, and it was a long time ago, and you don’t have those feelings anymore.
I have no experience with any of that. But my head can’t fathom how anyone could possibly stop loving you.
I saw the disappointment on his face the minute he saw me. Heath still loves you, Axel.”
I didn’t know what to say other than, “I didn’t notice anything.”
Luca tilted his head to look at me. “Maybe because that’s the only look you recognize from him.”
This felt like a powder keg ready to explode at the wrong word.
I tried to infuse as much reassurance in my response as possible.
“I don’t know what you saw, because I was looking at you.
But none is of any consequence. After spending time with him, I know how I feel. You are the one I’m in love with.”
His eyes stayed locked on mine. “I love you, too.”
“You were right about one thing. Talking was exactly what we needed to break the ice. We’ll be fine tomorrow at practice.”
His smile didn’t reach his eyes. “Good. I’m glad.”
Something else was eating at him. “What else is bothering you?”
“I believe you, Axel. But I’m not so naive as to think things can’t change with proximity. Please, if you decide you want him back, promise me that you won’t make me watch it happen.”
My face contorted. What the fuck was he saying? “Come here.”
“No.” He stood and tried to move away, but I caught his hand. “Come here.” The finality in my tone caused him to hesitate. “Please,” I added.
As he sat, I pulled him onto my lap. Leaning forward, he buried his face in my neck. “I’m sorry Heath’s arrival made you feel insecure. Somehow, I’ve made you doubt us.”
“No, you haven’t. But the last time I blindly trusted someone, she gave me up.
My mother told me she loved me, then left me behind.
I’m still that little boy clinging to his stuffed animal, crying himself to sleep at the thought of being left behind again.
And I’m terrified that you’re going to decide I’m too damaged and do the same thing. ”
He was so wrong. “I will never leave you behind. Ever. And I will do whatever it takes to prove it to you. If I need to stop playing hockey to be with you every day, I’ll do it.
If I need to ask for a trade, it’s an option I will explore.
The only stipulation is you must be willing to go wherever I go. ”
Luca shook his head, rasping his stubble along my neck. “I can’t ask you to do that.”
Pulling him up, I took his face between my palms as tears filled his eyes. “That’s not your choice, love. It’s mine. I’ll do whatever it takes to make you feel secure in us. One day, when we’re ready, I’ll make you mine, permanently.”
Sighing heavily, he melted back into my arms, right where he belonged.
It didn’t take the sports media long to make the connection between Heath and me.
Even though we were never outed as anything other than best friends, the press enjoyed that angle.
They dug up old photos by the time our home opener rolled around, and there was talk about us on social media.
Karlsson was the one to break it to me. “Hey, did you see this? What’s with the hair, dude?
You look like one of those crested birds with all the feathers on their head. ”
Taking his phone, I looked down at an old photo of Heath and me playing in London. “I had a rebel thing going on. God, that was a long time ago.” I handed it back to him and went back to getting suited up. “Don’t show that around in here.”
“I don’t have to,” he quipped. “It’s all over IG, and the PR people tagged you. The fans are loving it.”
I just hoped Luca didn’t see it. With an hour to game time, I considered texting him with the photo to get ahead of it. But by the time the guys finished razzing me about it, Coach Byers entered the locker room carrying two jerseys, and I’d forgotten all about it.
“Gentlemen,” he said, quieting everyone down.
“I see you’ve all enjoyed the throwback photos of Hughes and Williamson.
Nice hair by the way.” I rolled my eyes but took the ribbing.
“Before we go out there tonight, we need to name our captains. I believe that when the team chooses its leaders, it means more than when the coaching staff does it. Your captain represents the team on the ice and off. The captain sets the pace and leads you into battle. He’s the one you go to for advice.
” He held up his paper. “You guys have spoken.” With his head held high, he looked around the room. “Karlsson, you get the A.”