Chapter 36 #2
I stared at him in disbelief. Anger rose so quickly that I couldn’t get a handle on it.
“You are the last person I trust. You sweep in, charm the fuck out of people, then leave them. You are no better than she is. Can’t you see what you do?
You stole my brother, then left me to deal with a shell of a woman, hollow and broken because she loved you more than anything.
She trusted you with our lives, but I will never make that mistake. ”
A sob rose from my chest, but I shoved it down.
“All I ever wanted was my father to be there for me. You couldn’t even acknowledge I was your son.
For years, I never knew who you were. Mason got the doting father, while you left a twelve-year-old to clean up the mess you left behind.
Do you realize how your decisions changed me?
It’s fucking hard when neither parent chooses you.
My siblings may trust you, but I never will.
I won’t make the mistake of letting you in only to leave me to deal with the aftermath. ”
He looked as if I had knocked the air out of him. His mouth hung open as he blinked at me. But I wasn’t finished. I had years of rage pent up inside that I needed to release.
I pointed to the boardroom. “I did that for Mason. For all the bullshit you allowed your wife to put him through. For all the times you didn’t protect him. You’re fortunate I did not take your company. So no, father, I don’t need your business acumen or your approval to move forward.”
I swung the door open to leave, but he caught me from behind.
He wrapped his arms around my shoulders.
I could have broken free, but once, just once, I wanted to know what it was like for my father to hold me when I needed him.
“I’m so sorry, Axel. I had no choice in any of it.
I didn’t know what to do. I was a kid myself.
But you. You were always so strong. I didn’t know. I swear I didn’t know.”
Facing the door, I kept him behind me. He didn’t deserve my tears. They were for me. “How could you deny me like that? Why wasn’t I good enough to be one of your sons?”
I felt the air leave his chest. “You were. You are. God, I’m so fucking sorry, Axel. Please give me a chance to be there for you now. I won’t disappoint you again. I promise.”
I wiped my eyes and straightened my spine. “I’ve got to go. My team is waiting.”
I walked out into the hallway. All I wanted was to go to Luca, but a call would have to do. So when I got to the car, I made the call.
“Are you okay?” he asked. “My stomach has been in knots all morning from worrying about you.”
“I’m fine, love.” I paused, staring out the window of the car. “Everything proceeded as expected. I’m sure she’ll go quietly.” I blew out a breath.
“What’s wrong, babe? What aren’t you telling me?”
I stared out the window as George drove back to Brooklyn. “My father followed me out and offered to run the company with me. He was delighted with how I’d liberated him. He wants in on the business, and I exploded on him.”
Regret laced his tone. “I should have gone with you.”
I dragged my hand over my face. “I’m fine. It feels good to get it out. And you have your licensing exam this week. You need to focus on that. Not me.”
“Sorry, no can do. My job is to take care of you, even when you don’t think you need it.”
The tension in my body began to fade. “I love you. Do you know that?”
“I do.” The lilt of his voice told me he was smiling. “And I love you. I’m only a phone call away if you need me. Go win some games, Cap.”
I breathed out a laugh. “We’ll try. I’ll call you tonight, love.”
“I’ll be counting the minutes.”
As would I.
Day ten of our road trip did not go as planned.
We were all ready to get home after winning three out of five games, but the high winds and heavy snowfall kept us in Chicago another night.
The team had convened in the hotel bar following our game.
I’d passed on the darts tournament Decker organized, choosing to sit at the bar and text Luca.
Me: I wish I were home with you.
Luca: You act as if you miss me.
Me: You have no idea. I fucking hate snow.
Luca: Me too.
As I gazed down at the photo of him with Caden and John at the Silver Stream, Heath slid onto the stool beside me.
“Not feeling the darts?” he asked.
“No. I’d rather sit here and bemoan not being home with Luca. Plus, I had some documents to read and get signed before tomorrow morning. Had we gotten home, I could have done it then.”
Heath ordered a beer. “How are you going to run a hotel and play hockey?”
“The Covington has a strong management team in place. They only need me for the big things, most of which won’t take place for a while.”
His eyes fell to the bar top. I could tell something was on his mind. He took another swig of his beer before turning to me. “I miss you. Missed spending time with you.”
The softness in his tone, along with the familiar way he used to look at me, caused a trickle of unease.
“Do you ever think about us, Axel?”
This was not good. I glanced at the man who had once held my heart. Heath was still a beautiful man, but he didn’t make my heart beat the way Luca did. “What do you mean?”
His blue eyes raked over my face before landing on my mouth. “I still love you. Never stopped.”
“Heath,” I said softly, shaking my head. “Don’t.”
“Just hear me out. Our chemistry has not died. We were good together, on and off the ice. All I want to know is if we have a chance. If not now, in the future.”
I had to stop him now. “No. I’m in love with Luca. He’s everything to me.”
The sparkle in his blue eyes began to fade, like a candle running out of its wick. His mouth tried to form a smile as he looked down at the bar. “I knew I waited too long. Should have made contact a long time ago.”
“Why are you telling me this now? Why not years ago?”
“Logistics. We’ve been separated by an ocean. Being together for three months out of twelve was no life. I didn’t see a way to make it work. Until now.”
I was so confused. “Are you out now?”
“No. But I would be for you. It’s been over a decade, and I still can’t stop thinking about you. I regret leaving.” He rubbed the bridge of his nose. “I’m sorry.”
“Are you saying these feelings for me are the real reason you’re here?”
“Yes.” He shifted his eyes to the floor. “I’ve had it in my head we were meant to be. The stars had aligned. You were finally coming here, my contract was up with LA, and we were both single.” He took a long pull from his beer as I sat reeling from the conversation.
Before Luca, I would have jumped at the chance to be with him again. But things had changed, and Luca had my heart. Probably from the night we met. “I’m sorry, Heath. I don’t want to hurt you.”
His shoulders sagged. “It’s not your fault, Axel. It’s mine. There’s no one to blame but myself. It was crazy to think we could pick back up where we left off, but I had to shoot my shot.”
There weren’t many times in my life that I was rendered speechless, but this was one of them. “I’m not sure what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything. I had planned to tell you how I felt the day I came to your house. I’d just gotten off the plane and asked Decker for your address. But he was there.”
I didn’t know how to say this without it sounding callous. “It wouldn’t have mattered. He has owned me since the moment we met.” I owed it to Luca to set the record. “If I have my way about it, Luca will be with me the rest of our lives.”
His eyes softened. “You’ve changed. I see it when we play. The burning anger that used to fuel you is gone. He’s good for you.”
My cheeks lifted. “He is. Luca makes me see the world differently. He gives me a purpose beyond hockey.”
Heath stared down at the bar. “If this harms the team, I’ll ask for a trade.”
I nodded. “We were friends first. We can make it work.”
He finished his beer and left money on the bar. “I should go.”
I looked down at the bar, not sure what to say.
“Thanks for hearing me out. Call your boyfriend, Axel. Happiness looks good on you.”
I was starting to believe that. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
I finished my beer and called Luca. I needed to hear his voice. When he answered, I knew I’d made the right choice. “Hello, love. What are you doing?”
“Talking to Caden and playing matchmaker. But it failed.” I smiled as he told me what happened. Just listening to him talk eased my soul. I would tell him about the conversation with Heath when I got home.
I thought I had it all figured out until the news article with photos of us in the bar came out on a hockey blog that threatened to destroy my world.