Chapter 43
Chapter 43
It’s early days.
Between the two of us, there’s a lot of love that had nowhere to go for a long while.
We’re making up for lost time.
That’s what I tell myself when we can’t seem to carve time or space for anything but each other.
“Let’s go somewhere,” he suggests a few days after coming back, running his fingers through my hair. “Just you and me.”
“Like, where?”
“Anywhere Seb can’t find me.”
I laugh. “To go somewhere, we would have to leave the house. Are you willing to do that?”
No. He isn’t. He acknowledges it later that night. Slow rhythm. Steady breeze blowing the curtains apart through the open balcony door. I’m too boneless to do anything but lie there, feeling that warm pressure building inside me, so happy, I can see the shape of it on the ceiling.
I love you , I think, closing my arms around his neck. I don’t say it, but he hears it anyway, and smiles against my neck.
The dinner happens about two weeks after Conor gets back.
He’s not nervous about it. “It won’t change anything,” he reassures me, and I believe it. I’m not worried, either, but I have little tolerance for awkward moments, and I’m grateful when Minami asks, “Should we just…acknowledge it?”
I’m still chewing the first bite of Eli’s risotto. It’s my favorite of his dishes, and he knows it. “ Coaxed you here like an ant into a sugar trap ,” he whispered at me when I let myself in. “ Don’t worry, the Trivial Pursuit is locked away. ”
“What is it that we should acknowledge?” Rue asks, looking up from her food, and god bless her for being who she is.
“You know,” Minami says. “The fact that Hark and Maya are currently—”
“There is no need to talk about what they are doing in detail,” Eli points out. “Dating. They are dating.”
“As the older brother, did you give your approval?” Minami asks, which has Eli taking a sip of his red wine.
“As the older brother, my approval is unnecessary.”
She grins. “Perfect answer. I raised you so well.”
“You did. Also, I’m scared of Maya. And, to a lesser extent, of Hark.”
Conor sighs. Wisely, he has yet to start eating. Unwisely, he has given up alcohol, which means that he didn’t have the benefit of a predinner glass of wine. “Maya and I are together. Dating. In a relationship. Whatever.”
“Have you proposed yet?” Rue asks.
“I have been exercising restraint.” He glances around the table. “If you have something to say on the matter, feel free to do so now.”
“Or forever hold our peace?” Minami asks.
Conor snorts. “As if you would.”
“I don’t really see what the big deal is,” Minami says. “It’s still much less weird than Eli ending up with Florence’s protégé.”
Conor drums his fingers. “At the very least, equally weird.”
“Honestly,” Minami continues with some throat-clearing. “I must admit that I was taken by surprise. I’m sure you’re not embarking into this relationship without being aware of certain aspects that could, um, become problematic.”
I bite the smile off my face. Under the table, I text Nyota. First mention of the word problematic .
Nyota: Was it Minami?
Maya: Yup.
Nyota: Told ya.
“ But ”—Minami grins—“I’m really happy with how happy you two look. And this means that Maya will hang out with us all the time. We’ll have a resident youth, and no longer be cringe and out of touch.”
I make a face. “Sorry, can’t help you with that.”
“Bummer.”
“The only concern is, would the friend group survive a breakup between Hark and another member?” Sul asks. But everyone looks at Minami, which has him conceding, “Good point,” and going back to his food. I wonder if he’ll talk again tonight.
“For what it’s worth,” Conor says, sitting back in his chair, “I doubt we will. This is…it’s not a spur-of-the-moment thing.”
Minami nods. “Well, we all knew that Maya had a bit of a crush on you when she was younger, but…”
“That’s not the whole story,” he says.
“It isn’t?”
“There are a bunch of…flashbacks,” I say.
It seems to pique their curiosity. Sul drops his fork. Minami leans closer. Even Rue, despite being Rue, seems interested. “Do tell,” Eli invites.
Conor and I exchange a glance. Under the table, he takes my hand and says: “Remember a few years ago, the Mayers deal?”
We spend that night on the couch in Conor’s sunroom.
I lie down on top of him, sweat cooling off my skin. The scent of the citronella mixes with the evening Austin air, so similar to Sicily, so completely different.
“Antares?” He points at a red spark in the sky, and I laugh.
“That’s a plane.”
“You sure?”
“I hate you.”
I let his sigh rock me like a wave. “I think it went well,” he muses.
“I agree. Aside from Eli begging us not to elope to Vegas in the next two weeks, which makes me want to do exactly that.”
His lips quirk. A crooked smile. “Don’t say that. I’m trying very hard not to ask you to marry me.”
“Don’t stop yourself on my behalf. I love a marriage proposal before bed.” I nibble on his shoulder. Shiver, chilly.
“Let me get you something to wear.”
“It’s fine. I’m not that cold.”
But he’s already gently sliding from underneath me. I follow him with my eyes, his naked thighs, the slab of his back. I’ve never found men’s asses attractive, and I’m not sure why I can’t stop looking at his. It’s more the ease of him, his confidence in his body that…
Conor is coming back. But when he returns he’s not carrying a shirt, or a sweater, or anything that I would associate with wearing .
And I’m not stupid. So I sit up.
“Oh my god. You’re doing it. For real.”
He stops a few feet from me. Tilts his head, and asks, “That one’s Antares, right?”
And yes. It is. “Are you trying to distract me from the fact that you’re proposing to me, while we are both naked, after we’ve been dating for approximately a month, by pointing out my favorite star?”
“I don’t know. Did it work?”
“Do you want it to work?”
“Listen, this is not…” He runs a hand over his hair, surprisingly conflicted. “I was in Montreal, walking around, and I saw a ring that I thought you might like, but you don’t have to…”
It’s all I can do not to laugh in his face. “You seem nervous, Conor.”
“I am.”
“Were you this nervous with Minami?”
“No.”
“You thought she’d say yes, huh?”
His shrug is simple. “I knew I could survive her no.” There is something about the way he says it, the implications, what’s hidden between the words, that…
My eyes burn. And Conor must notice the shine in them, because he kneels in front of me. “Look, you don’t have to say that you’ll marry me. You’re going through lots of changes, and I’m going to have to do the same. The ring, it can just mean…It can just be a reminder for you that I love you. That I want to marry you. That I’m a constant, never-ending yes. And that whenever you’re ready, in two years or in twenty, I’m here. In the meantime, we can be more…casual, and…”
My laugh is watery. “You’re the least casual person I know.”
“Yeah, well. That is, unfortunately, true.”
I hold my hand out to him. Watch the unique, vintage ring in his palm, the pearl and diamonds set against the rose gold metal, and—of course, he would find the perfect ring. This asshole.
“You once said, a year ago, that I put Minami on a pedestal. Do you remember that?”
I nod.
“You’re right. Not just her—everyone else, I was always able to put them places. Out of sight, out of mind. But with you…I have to follow your lead.” He looks the opposite of resigned. Like I’m the most calamitous accident to have befallen him, and he wouldn’t have it any other way. “I can’t arrange you to my liking. It’s brutal. It’s terrifying. But I no longer care to live without this, so—”
“Conor?” I cup his face.
“Yeah?”
I let myself smile. “You haven’t even asked me the question yet.”
A short while later, I fall asleep with his ring on my finger.