Chapter Three
I STILL WASN’T SURE WHAT I was going to do, but a day of shopping and being pampered at the spa with my sister was therapeutic, to say the least. She lived up to her most terrific-est title.
All day she kept encouraging me to go and get my job back, even though I wasn’t sure I should.
In my head I had completely gotten over Ian, but there seemed to be some murky water under that bridge in my heart.
Why else did I have such a strong reaction to him?
I didn’t think you could truly loathe someone unless you had truly cared for that person.
And did I ever loathe him. It was probably because he was the only man I had ever loved.
That wasn’t my plan, but for some reason, try as I might, love had eluded me.
Not to say I hadn’t had a man or two tell me they loved me, but I’d never been able to reciprocate.
I’d never been able to find a man who made me feel as cherished and safe to be myself as Ian had.
Well, you know, until he walked away when I told him I loved him. So maybe it was all a lie.
Or maybe I was defective and could only fall in love with men who would never love me back.
Or maybe I had trust issues because my mother abandoned us and the first person I expressed my love to also abandoned me.
Amanda said I was making something out of nothing.
“Look at your life—you’re the most trusting and open person I know.
You just haven’t met the right guy yet,” she would say.
Easy for her to say, she met Zane when she was eighteen and was married at twenty-one.
I wouldn’t say I was jealous of her; it was more like I had holy envy.
Is there such a thing? I don’t know, but what I did know was that I wished for what she had - a house full of people to love.
I would have traded in deal-making and conference calls for PTA meetings, soccer games, and diapers in a second.
Don’t get me wrong, I loved my job, or at least I used to love it.
I kept forgetting I didn’t have one anymore.
I just wanted more. No, that wasn’t it. I think I wanted more personal fulfillment.
Belly dancing could only give me so much, no matter how good my butt looked.
By the time I arrived back at my apartment, the sun was beginning to set.
While I unloaded my haul for the day, I looked over the plethora of bags and thought maybe I shouldn’t have shopped like I was still gainfully employed.
Oh well, you only live once, right? Besides, it was for therapeutic purposes, and if I had to look for a new job, I needed to look my best. Or if I didn’t find a new job soon, I needed to look good lying out by the pool; my new red swimsuit would do the job nicely.
So, maybe I would have to eat ramen for the next week or two.
With my heavy load—I was embarrassed to say I had a dozen bags in my hand— I walked across my complex, only stopping for a second to pay homage to the pool.
I needed spring now more than ever. Thankfully I lived on the first floor and not far from the parking lot.
My sister reminded me again today that it would be even more convenient if I had a garage to pull into.
I told her I would think about house shopping .
. . maybe. I needed a job first. Oh, that thought hit me in the gut. I loved Chandler Media.
Before I turned toward my apartment, I noticed a man sitting on the other side of the pool in a suit and tie, staring down at his phone.
My first thought was wow, someone is more desperate than me for the pool to open, but as I got closer and realized who it was, I thought of some other words I shouldn’t say out loud.
I couldn’t believe Ian was here. I started double timing it to my apartment.
Too bad the loud clicking and clacking of my heels alerted the jerk to my presence.
Ian stood hastily and headed my way.
I ignored him and kept walking toward my apartment, hoping he would accidentally fall in the pool, or better yet, go back to Colorado or wherever he came from.
I assumed Colorado, because that’s where he had grown up and that’s what his license plate said, but who knew?
I for one didn’t care, as long as it wasn’t here.
“Kelli,” he called out after me.
I continued to ignore him. We had nothing to say to each other.
Well, I did have a diatribe I had been working on for years in case I ever saw him.
It went something like, “If I could do it over again, I would have flunked calculus. Okay, maybe that’s pushing it a bit far, I would have settled for a C.
But I wouldn’t have sat down at that library table.
I wouldn’t have looked past your boring clothes and offish manners to see what I found or thought it was that I found—a kind soul with a giving heart. It was all a lie. You were a lie.”
I made it to my door and dropped my bags like they were hot potatoes so I could retrieve my key and punch in my security code like my life depended on it. Ian unfortunately had long legs and couldn’t take a hint. He made it to me just as I was punching in my last number.
I looked over to him and scowled. “I feel like I keep saying this to you today. What are you doing here? Better yet, how do you even know I live here?”
He ran his fingers through his hair.
Lucky fingers, I thought. What was wrong with my subconscious? We didn’t like him.
“You gave me no choice when you didn’t answer your phone.”
“Oh, you had a choice. You still do. I suggest you use it and leave, but first tell me how you know where I live.” That kind of creeped me out.
“I have access to all the employee files.”
I glared at him. “Well, I’m not an employee anymore.” My stupid voice cracked.
He sighed heavily. “Come on, Kelli, can you give me a break here? It’s been a long day.”
“And I should care, why?” I smirked.
I could tell he was ready to lash back, but he stopped himself, took a breath, and thought before he spoke. “Kelli, I’d like to talk to you about rescinding your resignation. Please,” he begged.
Wow. He sounded so downtrodden; I was curious why. “Fine, you have two minutes. Go.”
His lips twitched like he was going to smile. “Can’t I come in?”
That was a negative. “I don’t let strangers, especially of the male variety, into my apartment.”
He crossed his arms and narrowed his gorgeous brown eyes at me. “We are hardly strangers.”
“Isn’t it funny how sometimes the people we think we know the best are the ones we really don’t know at all?”
He stood there and stared at me for a moment.
I didn’t budge. I was serious about not letting him into my apartment, and I was serious about not knowing him.
After he broke up with me that was one of the hardest parts for me to reconcile.
I thought I knew him so well, but in reality, I didn’t know him at all, because my version of Ian may have freaked out a little bit about the whole love thing, but he would have never treated me so harshly.
He bravely stepped toward me and loosened his tie. “I have a feeling I’m going to need more than two minutes to convince you. Can I take you to dinner?”
I stared into his deep brown eyes. I noticed he had some subtle lines around them now, and I even noticed a gray hair or two in that dark hair of his.
So much had changed in thirteen years. Thirteen years ago, I wouldn’t have even given his invitation a second thought, but now I needed a third and even a fourth.
While I was mulling over his invitation, he smiled at me. “Will this impose on your belly dancing class?”
Before I could stop myself I half-smiled at the jerk. I was still so embarrassed about the look -at-my-butt incident this morning.
“Please,” he whispered.
I involuntarily shivered. It was chilly outside. Yes, that’s what that was.
We stood and stared at each other some more while I thought. Looking for a new job sounded dreadful. But working for my ex sounded worse. Except, I loved my job. Maybe I could convince him to quit. “Fine, wait here.”
He visibly relaxed.
I unlocked my door and hauled all my bags in before shutting it in his face.
That gave me some satisfaction. I was greeted by my lazy tabby cat, Charlie, lying on the top of my couch waiting to be adored.
I headed his way and stroked his head several times until he purred.
He was such a diva. Afterward I freshened up a bit.
I smiled to myself thinking of Ian standing out in the cold.
Maybe that was rude, but the guy did break my heart once upon a time and he stole my job.
And if memory served me correctly, he enjoyed cooler temps.
After I took my own sweet time, I walked back out to meet him.
He was walking around the pool area looking around. When he saw me, he walked back my way. “Great, you’re ready.”
I wasn’t sure I was ready to be alone with him, but I was curious to see how and why he was here living my dream. We proceeded to the parking lot. He tried to make small talk while I kept my distance. His scent still did things to me.
“This is a nice complex. Do you like living here?” Ian asked.
I shrugged. “For apartments they’re great; a little pricey, but worth it.”
“Hmm . . .” he responded.
Weird.
When we made it to the parking lot he asked, “Should I drive?”
Absolutely not. I knew the kind of things that happened in his car. I didn’t need the reminder of the fond memories. “I was planning on following you in my car.”
He raised his eyebrow at me. “You won’t ride with me either?”
“You know what they say, stranger danger,” I said without apology.
He tried to compose himself before he spoke. “I forgot how willful you are.”
I smiled in mock delight. “So, where are we going?”
“Why don’t I follow you, so you don’t think I’m luring you anywhere?”
“Perfect.”