Chapter Nine Colin #2
This makes him smile even wider. I think it’s the first time I’ve ever really said it out loud, at least to somebody other than Declan. My mother still has no idea. My father doesn’t care. Who else would I have to tell?
Saying it out loud to a stranger, and possibly going home with that stranger, makes it feel more real to myself. Like it’s not a secret anymore. Like it’s just who I am.
We walk in silence for a few moments. As I let this sink in, it feels good. I like the way this liberation feels on me. Oddly enough, I think about Declan. About telling him this later? this minutiae of a moment where I came out to someone for the first time and how good it felt.
And just as I’m basking in this new self-confidence, Niall whispers my name from out of nowhere. Suddenly, I’m being tugged into a dark alley between buildings. My heart pounds in my chest as he shoves me against the wall. I glance up into his eyes just before his lips crash against mine.
It’s not my first kiss. I kissed three girls in secondary school. And for the most part, they were enjoyable, but they just were what they were. Lips pressed against lips, tongues caressing. A unique form of intimacy.
But this is different. Niall groans against my mouth, his hands digging into my sides as he grinds against me. This is more than a kiss. This is sex without being sex. This is visceral and all-consuming and deliciously sensual.
I kiss him back, not quite sure what to do with my hands. They find their way to his sides, and I leave them there while his continue to explore my body.
“God, you’re so hot,” he murmurs against my mouth. This little bit of praise spurs me on and awakens something inside me.
For the first time tonight, I’m fairly confident that I can do this. I might not have been wildly attracted to Niall at first. He’s good-looking, but there wasn’t any chemistry. Now, as he touches my body and kisses his way into my mouth, my cock begins to harden in my slacks.
And I realize—I want this.
That is, until Niall mutters darkly, “Get on your knees.”
In just a flash of a moment, everything changes inside of me.
Suddenly, the thing I was excited about a moment ago is slipping out of my control. My eyes widen. But it’s too dark and he’s too close, so he can’t see my face.
His large hand presses over my growing erection, and I let out a yelp because it takes me by surprise. It’s an invasive touch from someone I don’t know. This is hot, but it’s happening too fast.
And just like that, I’m uncomfortable. But I can’t say that now. I’ve already let him kiss me. I’ve already let him pull me into this alley and get me hard. I’ve let him touch me.
“Wait,” I mutter.
I just want it to slow down, I think in my head.
I want this. I just need a moment to think.
“Come on, Colin,” he groans. “We’re having fun.”
I kiss him again, hoping it’ll make him stop talking. Hoping it’ll make him stop everything, but it doesn’t. I hear the clang of his belt buckle as he undoes his pants.
“Wait,” I say again, but it does nothing.
He continues to massage my cock, but I swat his hand away as firmly as I can without making him angry.
Then I kiss him again, in a futile attempt to gain some control in this scenario, but it still doesn’t work.
He’s frenzied and excited. Not cruel. Not taking something that he shouldn’t.
But it’s as if he’s reading everything wrong, as if he thinks I want it this way.
What is wrong with me? Why am I not ready? I’m attracted to him. Why don’t I just suck his dick? I can do that much. And then it’ll be done. No harm.
“I’m so hard for you,” he groans against my mouth. “Please get on your knees.”
“Not here,” I reply, using our location as an excuse.
“There’s no one here that can see us. I’ll be quick. Come on.”
I thought this guy was nice. And he is nice, but he’s not listening to me.
That’s when I utter my first “No.”
I don’t want my first time to be like this. I don’t want any of it to be like this. Why can’t I just get my head in the game? Why can’t I just enjoy this?
He puts a hand on my shoulder, his eyes meeting mine through the darkness for the first time since he pulled me back here. His expression is pleading as he tries to shove me down. “I thought you liked to be bossed around.”
My stomach sours at his words. Not like this.
“No,” I say again, a bit louder this time. “I-I’m sorry. I…really just…” I’m a stuttering mess.
Gently I try to push him away as he’s still struggling to get me to my knees. Panic fills my gut as I realize I might not get out of this. I might not have a choice…
From out of nowhere, a familiar voice bellows, “He said no, arsehole.”
Then Niall’s body is yanked away from mine. I watch in shock as he’s shoved against the opposite wall, a dark-haired man towering between us.
It takes my mind time to catch up before I realize the stranger wearing an expression of pure unadulterated rage is Declan. My jaw drops, and at that very moment, he rears back a fist and pummels it against Niall’s cheek.
“Declan!” I shout, watching Niall fall to the ground.
“Let’s go, Colin,” he says, his voice growling in anger. Declan wraps a hand around my arm and drags me away from the alley. I glance back at Niall, who is holding his nose and glaring up at me angrily.
“I knew he was your fucking boyfriend,” he mutters.
“He’s not,” I stutter, as Declan continues to yank me away. He’s walking briskly, and I’m still trying to catch up to what just happened.
“Are you hurt?” he asks without even turning back toward me.
I’m too busy shaking my head in astonishment. “What are you doing?” I ask dumbly as he continues to drag me away.
“What do you mean? That guy was an arsehole,” he grunts. “I heard you say no twice.”
“How long were you standing there?”
“Long enough.”
I tear my arm from his grip. “What the fuck is wrong with you, Declan?” I argue, now fueled with anger and maybe some adrenaline.
He spins on me, meeting my gaze for the first time, and I’m swallowed up by the raw emotion in his eyes.
“What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with you?
” he replies. “You let men treat you like that? Forcing you to your knees in a dark alley when you tell them you don’t want to?
And you were going to do it, weren’t you? ”
“It’s none of your fucking business,” I shout.
There is rage in his expression as he pokes me hard in the chest. “It is my fucking business, because you’re my friend. You’re my best bloody friend.”
“Well, a best friend would have let me have sex,” I snap, but I feel like a fool even uttering those words out loud.
“Oh, Colin, you weren’t going to have sex with anyone. You were going to suck that guy’s cock. And then you were going to come home.” With that, he resumes walking.
“And what about you?” I shout. “Why aren’t you off licking pussy or getting your dick sucked?”
This makes him laugh and shake his head, pulling a cigarette from the pack in his pocket. “I should be right now,” he says with bitterness. “But I was too busy coming to save your arse.”
“Oh, my arse didn’t need saving,” I argue back.
His arms are outstretched as he turns toward me. “All right, fine, Shakespeare. Have it your way. Go back there and suck that guy’s cock in the dark alley on the ground. Although if you ask me, I think you deserve better.”
“Well, nobody asked you,” I reply, my anger dissipating.
“Go then,” he shouts.
“Fine.” I stop in my tracks as Declan continues walking.
Absolutely no part of me wants to go back to that alley and do anything with Niall now, let alone suck his cock.
And as infuriated as I am at Declan, I don’t want to stand here all night either.
So, after a few moments, I relent and continue following him home.