Chapter 13 #2
“Favorite part of being a mom…It changes all the time. When they were babies, it was rubbing them down in baby lotion after each bath, getting them in their matching jammies, and turning on their glowing stars and lullaby music at night.
“A few years back, it was story time. Gathered into the big chair while devouring their favorite books. I couldn’t have loved that more.
“And now I’d have to say…seeing them grow into kind, caring little humans. Just the other day, Dante kept pestering Diego over an incident at school. Diego was getting frustrated—who could blame him—but then he surprised me.”
Duke leaned forward. “What’d he do?”
“He’d gotten a note from a group of girls saying he was cute. And even though Dante was being a real stinker, Diego was worried about his feelings getting hurt that he didn’t get one too.”
The knowing smile on Duke’s face made Viv’s heart feel like the dancing flame at his back. Hot, restless, and ready to share its warmth with the man before her.
“That sounds about right,” Duke said. “He, umm…it’s an odd thing, being a twin.
Somebody does something to Zander, they may as well be doing it to me.
I once punched a kid in the gut because he said Zander was a geek.
” He chuckled under his breath and reached for his glass.
“The kid was actually a friend of mine. He thought I was going to agree because he was always winning these honor awards, you know?”
Viv nodded. “I’m not trying to put any labels on them, but so far, I think Diego is more like you.”
He lifted a brow. “You said he got in trouble in class. What was he doing?”
Viv couldn’t help but laugh at the recollection. It was just so…Diego. “He struggles in math, right?”
“Sounds like me already,” Duke said.
Viv shot him a look. “Yeah, right. You got straight A’s.”
“With great effort,” Duke added.
“That’s more like Diego. He can get the concepts, but so far it doesn’t come as easy to him as it does Dante. Anyway, I guess he was working on a problem the teacher put on the board, and he got it right.” She chuckled some more. “So he broke into what my boys call the booty dance.”
The gleam in Duke’s eye was priceless. Mischief mingled with admiration. “As in, shaking his booty in class?”
“Yep.” Her cheeks nearly hurt from smiling so big. “Makes me miss them. I mean, it’s only been a day and a half, but…” She shrugged. “They’re my life.”
“Lucky boys,” he rasped, eyes still locked on her.
Viv felt that one in her heart as well. A swelling of warmth and something she could only call desire. She wanted to see what it could be like to have Duke in her life too. She really did. As premature or reckless as the desire was, it was there all the same.
But maybe that wasn’t such a horrible thing. Viv had learned how to read people and their intentions, hadn’t she? It’s not like she was back in time, young and foolish and acting out. She could trust herself now. And she planned to do that very thing.
“I really like how this night is going,” Duke said. “And the last thing I want to do is mess that up by asking the wrong thing…”
Viv felt her guard go up. “Is there a but coming?”
He looked at her carefully, seeming to gauge her expression. “The kids’ dad,” he said softly. “Is he in their lives?”
Oh. Of course he’d want to know that. And he probably wanted to know more than that. How they met. How long had they dated. Did she love the guy?
Viv released a sigh that came out louder than she’d meant it to.
“We don’t have to go there,” he assured, putting a hand up.
But Viv shook her head. “We only dated for a little while, which I don’t love admitting. But it’s true. I was still kind of…broken at the time.”
Duke seemed to flinch at the word. “Wait, how long after we broke up—”
“A month,” she blurted. “It was the summer after freshman year. I was trying to force myself to move on with my life. To prove that I could. I met a guy—well, I’d met him before…” She stopped there, not sure she should tell him his name. Duke had been friends with him, after all.
“It was Thomas Knox.”
“What? You dated Thomas Knox after me?”
“Not for long, but yes. You know how determined I was to stay focused on my school and not…do anything to mess that up.”
He nodded in encouragement, but Viv could see that he was trying to mask his reaction. Anger, hurt, shock. A mixture of all three.
“I had one weak moment. One stupid night. I hated myself for it too. I knew I was mainly just…acting out.” She tipped her head, waiting until his focus shifted from a spot in the distance back to her. Eventually it did.
“Have you ever done something that you knew you’d regret? Like, you know before even doing it, but you still just…” This time it was her who looked away.
“Yes,” he said. “Of course. I’m sure I outweigh you in moments like that ten to one. I’m a lot more impulsive than you.”
“I won’t say I didn’t like Thomas. He was intelligent, intriguing, and normally very kind. He said all the right things, you know?”
“Things about me?” Duke asked, shifting in his seat. There was something brewing behind his eyes now.
“Sometimes,” she said. “Not anything big, really. Just that he wouldn’t have done what you did. That if I belonged to him, he’d cherish me forever.” She forced out a hard, humorless laugh. “Sadly, he turned out to be an absolute coward.”
“Why? What’d he do?”
“When I told him that I was pregnant, he kept assuring me it would be okay. But he wasn’t convincing. Imagine you’re on a plane and it’s crashing into the ocean. And the stewardess, barely acknowledging the doom ahead, simply advises everyone to be calm. It was like that.”
She recalled the meeting Thomas’ dad arranged after the paternity test came back. The insulting manner he’d used to address the situation.
“His father stepped into action after they were born. Thomas had stopped speaking to me by then. He refused to come to the hospital during the birth. I agreed to meet with him and his pack of lawyers. They’d drawn up some papers and offered me a pretty big dollar amount for my silence and Thomas’ freedom from any parental obligation. ”
“Did you sign them?” Duke asked.
Viv nodded. “Yes, but not until they rewrote the paperwork. I wanted to make sure they understood that I did not want their money. I did, however, want my boys to have it for school or whatever they wished once they came of age.
“I’d already denied them a father. I wasn’t about to deny them that as well. You should’ve seen the shock on Mr. Knox’s face. He’d been so certain I was after their money or something.” She shook her head as a flare of anger sparked in her core. “It was insulting.”
Duke stayed quiet for a long beat. “So Thomas has nothing to do with them?” he finally asked.
Viv shook her head. “Nothing. And it’s crazy because—for the first few years—I was glad he didn’t have rights to them. He didn’t deserve to.
“But later I started to feel bad. He’d been young too, and perhaps he regretted signing away rights to something so precious as those two boys.”
Viv ran the tips of her fingers down the outside of her icy glass, watching as dots of precipitation rushed to the base.
“Eventually, because I thought it was the right thing to do, I reached out. I told him that, if he wanted to come meet them, consider being in their lives, I’d be willing to amend the contract.
I didn’t want to keep the boys from having that either, you know? ”
Duke lifted a brow. “What’d he say?”
Viv shook her head. “He wasn’t interested. It shouldn’t have hurt me, but it did. He rejected them before even giving them a chance. Those incredible, loving, playful, intelligent boys who deserve to be loved by their father. And it was my fault, at least in part, that they didn’t have it.”
She glanced up. Duke opened his mouth to speak, but then shut it and shook his head.
“It’s complicated,” Viv admitted. “I don’t go around punishing myself for it anymore. I just…try to be the best parent I can. I keep my parents close so the boys can soak up all the extra love.” She hesitated to add what came to mind next, but realized it was worth saying.
“And I protect them from getting hurt by people who might come and go.”
Duke lifted a brow in question.
“Men, mainly,” she said. “I’m careful to not let the twins get attached to someone who might leave. I worry they’ll personalize it and feel…rejected.” That last word came out in more of a whisper.
It was official. The energy had shifted.
Tell Duke about the twins’ dad: check.
Make sure he knew how important her boys were to her: check.
Dampen all the romantic sparks in the process: double check.
Every once in a while, Viv seemed to forget why she’d practically sworn off dating. Inevitably, something reminded her. The very thought had her wondering if this—the dinner, the interview, her willingness to let Duke back into her life—was a bad idea after all.
Would this be the moment Duke shifted the topic into something lighter, or would he, instead, decide to back off his pursuit and ignore the potential between them?
They were reaching a precipice now, she could feel it.
If she and Duke moved forward, they were doing so with intent, Duke included.
He knew about her boys. Knew how important they were to her.
And he knew how guarded she was too. He wouldn’t move forward if he couldn’t see himself taking on the unique challenges their relationship would present.
And now that he had a better understanding of what the challenges might be, would Duke keep moving forward, or back out before getting in too deep?