Chapter 26
Nate
My chest feels full. And the sensation inside is about to spill over.
I can’t breathe, and heat crawls up from under my collar, blooming all over my face.
The card is small. simple, and yet—
Tristan offers me a tight smile, his shoulders hunched as he shifts in his chair. Right now, he doesn’t feel like the experienced knight who’d taken many lovers in the past but a young guy inviting his crush to the prom. All jock with none of the toxic masculinity.
It’s really sweet.
And for a breathless moment before my superego chastises me for my emotions, I want to agree. But just as I allow the moonlight into my heart, the gloom sinks back in, because there are so many reasons to refuse.
First of all, I asked him not to court me. Which he maybe isn’t? He knows I find this realm fascinating, and despite the romantic theme of the ball, maybe he wants to give me a glimpse of his culture?
In any case, I’ve only just left my hermitage for the first time in weeks.
I am wary of all strangers and keep having episodes of panic.
How could I possibly attend an official event at this fantastical court?
What if something triggers me into sobs?
What if I freeze? What if the guests ask me uncomfortable questions or, worse yet, quip about my shadow and how it’s paler than that of any other human they’ve met?
My breath comes out with a shudder, and Tristan leans in, golden eyes wide, blood-red locks cascading down his shoulder while he watches me as if one word out of my mouth could make or ruin his life.
Which isn’t the case.
He might be infatuated with me, but I’m just a regular guy.
And my shadow… which seems to be such a big factor in the attractiveness of a human is very clearly lacking.
As much as I hate it, maybe I should protect myself rather than follow my undeniable attraction to him?
Because what if I fall for him, and then, years down the line he admits pursuing me had been a mistake all along, like my first boyfriend had after his religious reawakening?
I can’t take any of that bullshit again.
But Tristan’s watching me with so much hope that I can’t throw any of that in his face. Whatever might happen in a theoretical future, right now, his intentions seem pure.
“I don’t think I’m ready for a party like that.”
I hate how light dies in his eyes. Even if I was staying, he deserves someone less broken than me.
“I understand. I am obligated to go, but I will leave the open invitation with you. So. Pizza.” His smile, while wide, looks a bit fake.
“The one at the ball is supposed to have human cow’s milk—I mean, human realm cow’s cheese, but this one is all plant.
The cooks have devised this gooey algae instead for us, and the crunchy, salty strips instead of bacon are a type of mushroom. But the base is all real tomato.”
Were I earlier into my journey back to normalcy, I would have cried. My will and my morals have been crushed, but Tristan keeps supporting me in my choices, even though he doesn’t quite understand them.
I am about to reach for his hand and stop myself at the last moment. No mixed signals. He deserves someone utterly committed.
“It smells amazing. And this place…” I say, gesturing at the orangery. “Magical. Thank you for making this so special for me.”
“You deserve it. Especially after the weeks up in the Mausoleum. I need to make sure it’s worth stepping outside for.” He winks at me, acting all fine, but I know I’ve disappointed him.
The best I can do now is enjoy this day with him, so we settle into chatting over pizza. Just yesterday, I wondered when I’d get to see him again, yet now there’s nothing more natural than joking around with him and sharing stories.
He tells me more about his kelpie, how they won a race in the sea during a storm, how tall the waves were. From that, we casually move on to me telling him about rollercoasters, and his eyes go wide with excitement.
So, of course, I promise to take him out to a theme park in the vague future, because I would like to do something special for him too. For the pizza. And clearing out the palace for me. And for saving me twice.
No matter what happens, I feel we’ll always share a bond of some kind.
I tell him about helping my grandparents take care of the farm. About warm summer afternoons at the shore of a nearby lake. About realizing how much I like looking at boys when they splash around in the water.
He shares how he didn’t know he was also attracted to men until a bit later when he met a tailor’s assistant while visiting another court far away with his father. He was more often surrounded by men he competed with, whereas this elf was sweet and pliant.
Even though it was years ago, I still get a little jealous of the easy thing they shared. It’s a reminder of the fun tumble in my bed on Halloween. Just two people excited for each other, without any of the worries that now occupy my heart.
The pizza is actually good, and unlike most vegan cheeses, this one forms gooey strings, which I enjoy more than I thought I would. The ingredients are very well-seasoned, the base is crisp, and by the time our plates are empty, I feel nourished—both in body and soul.
Am I being silly?
Hopelessly romantic?
Maybe my grandfather was right when he joked that I read too many books.
There’s not a moment of uncomfortable silence, and while Tristan is charming, it doesn’t feel fake, as if he’s pandering to me, or treating me like a porcelain doll about to break.
It’s nice to feel… normal.
Once we finish and go back into the frozen garden, Tristan takes me to an area with a little ice rink where he shows me another of Lady’s tricks. He’s getting her to fetch on the ice, and it looks like she has by now developed a technique for it.
She lies down her front, and with her butt up, and propels herself over the ice with her back legs toward the ball.
I end up laughing so hard I slip, but Tristan is, of course, there to catch me.
He has more planned for us and we head for the stables. A few people peek our way, so I pull my hat farther down my face, but the area where the kelpie live is available only to royals, so we are once again not bothered by anyone.
I didn’t pay attention to it the first time, but it smells really nice in here, of fresh hay and herbs, and as Tristan leads me past the arched entryway, I admire the horse skulls arranged within a carved frieze running along the whole inner yard.
“How many kelpie are kept here?” I ask, stopping by a picture-perfect well that would surely make my wishes come true.
“There’s four—wait. Five, if you include the stablemaster.
And I have heard something about another possibly arriving soon.
I’ll let you know if it happens. They are very cute babies and can’t always hold their form well while growing up, so they sometimes end up with their fish tail on land. It’s hilarious.”
As soon as we reach Stone’s stall, he stomps his hoof as if in protest at what he’s hearing. My mind is spinning with all this new information about animals that work in such new, magical ways.
I stand closer to Tristan when I hear quick footsteps, but the man who approaches us holds out a letter for Tristan.
He has a mop of blond hair, and he’s dressed in a worn leather outfit padded to keep him warm.
What catches my attention are his red, but most definitely human ears.
The night we arrived at the castle is a blur, but now I vaguely remember Tristan mentioning a human who works in the stables.
Tristan glances at the letter then groans. “Will you be fine here with Kurt and the kelpie for a few minutes? I will be back shortly.”
I take a deep breath, but when the guy who looks about my age and has an X-men tattoo peeking out from under his outfit offers me a friendly smile, I nod, because what better way is there to find out the truth about my position here than by chatting to another human, without anyone overseeing our conversation?
So I nod and face the young man, offering him my hand. “I’m Nate.”
Tristan walks off quickly, muttering something, and I can only hope he’s not dealing with a serious issue.
“Hey, I’m Kurt. It’s been a while since I got to meet a new human. And you’re one of the special ones, too, right?” He rolls his eyes when one of the other kelpie whinnies.
“‘Special’?” I ask with a frown and take him in with more attention. He seems… very relaxed, as if he hasn’t just interacted with a royal.
He puts on a pair of the octopus leather gloves and strokes the kelpie’s neck. “You know, the ones they can make a Dark Companion. The shadow wielders can’t do that with just anyone.”
“Oh…” My gaze swipes up and down his body, and now I start wondering how much about me he already found out from gossip. “So how did you get here?”
“It’s a funny story. I used to work at this burger joint with Luke, you know, the Lord’s Dark Companion, and he was visiting after I got fired.
We ran into each other, and he offered to help me get a job here.
It was supposed to just be for the summer, to tide me over, but it all grew on me, and since I was allowed to stay, I did.
Sure beats flipping burgers. And you get to live forever?
Win-win really.” My head is still spinning with all this information as I watch him give the kelpie some kind of snack out of his pocket.
My face is boiling. “But that’s just the elves…”
“Common misconception,” Kurt tells me, pointing his nose toward the sky. “It’s this realm. As long as you stay here, you just don’t age, and unless something eats you, you can live… indefinitely.”
The kelpie sniggers and chews on his hair, prompting Kurt to push at it. “You smug bastard! How was I supposed to know the mermaid was setting a trap?”