Chapter 34
Nate
I’ve seen so many fantastical things since Tristan invited me to the Nightmare Realm, but deep down I kept thinking our chase after the unicorn was based in vain hope. Really? There was only ever one such creature in existence, and one could predict its movement based on the position of stars?
Impossible.
And yet it stands in front of me, just like I imagined it when I was a little boy convinced such animals really lived in the far reaches of the world.
I remember being so deeply upset when my aunt popped that happy bubble that I refused to speak to her all weekend. But unicorns do exist. They have feathered hooves, eyes like sapphires, and they glow in the moonlight.
I want to greet it, touch it, but I pull back my hand as soon as I stretch it out, because the last thing I want is to spook this wonderful being made of starshine.
“It’s real… it really exists,” I whisper, slowly sinking into a crouch with my hands covering the lower half of my face.
But it doesn’t show any fear at all and shakes its head, scattering a flurry of sparkling dust.
“It’s here, like Nightscribe predicted,” Tristan whispers. I worry about the sword he squeezes in his hand, but unless the unicorn turns out to be a feral beast out for our blood, Tristan wouldn’t hurt it.
The animal—though it’s hard to call it that when it’s supposedly sentient—approaches, its curious eyes focused on me.
My heart is beating so fast it feels as if it's about to bounce out of my chest and join the stars in the sky. I’m afraid to move, but I kneel in the snow and reach toward the soft muzzle, because I can’t resist the pull of this mythical being, no matter how much I worry I’ll scare it off.
My heart beats faster. My temples pulse, and there I am, about to reach beyond my understanding.
Is this what the first person on the moon felt once they finally got to take that first step off the lander? Is this the elation of discovering an ancient ruin with walls covered in pictures of a life no one remembers?
Under the endless sky I, Nate Kekoa, might just be the first human to see a unicorn in hundreds of years. But it doesn’t matter if I’m the first, or the second, or the tenth, because this moment is mine, and so is the elation in my heart.
When I mindlessly extend my fingers to the horn, Tristan pulls on my shoulder.
“It’s sharp,” he reminds me, and I wake up from my stupor.
Right. It’s sharp. So sharp that it can cut through a bloodline, or a promise written in the stars, or one's destiny. Or a shadow bond.
I swallow, looking up into the unicorn’s eyes, and I clear my throat. It’s unafraid, seemingly as curious about me as I am of it.
“I… I have a request.” Oh God. It sounds so clunky. And now I also realize I came to ask for a favor yet have no gift or offering or reward.
The unicorn gently drags its hoof over the snow as if in encouragement. It understands me. I swear it does.
So I speak, mouth dry, my heart pounding violently.
“Our shadows have been connected,” I say, gesturing to the ground.
“I never wished for that, and I can’t cut it myself.
” I’m embarrassed to say this in front of Tristan who not only was the one to create this bond but also told me in no uncertain terms that he wants to deepen it.
“I suffered terribly the last time I was bound this way to another man, and I just… I just can’t bear it,” I utter, trying to hold in tears.
“I’m afraid of what it means, even though the person I’m tied to now is…
is kind, and caring, and trustworthy. I can’t let go of the memories, and they hurt so much, they taint our bond.
Can you… sever this connection—” How do I address it?
It doesn’t have a name, or a title, as far as I’m aware, so I settle on, “Please?” and lower my head, shaken by a growing sense of nausea.
The unicorn gives Tristan a questioning look, and it’s so strange to see it communicate its thoughts so clearly without words.
Tristan clears his throat and picks up a single thread of shadow from the ground as if it’s a physical object.
He presents it to the magnificent creature.
“I do not wish for this. But I made a vow to help him cut it, so here I am, asking you to sever the bond between us. He deserves whatever brings him peace.” His voice trembles at the end, but he steadies it with a deep breath.
I want to reach out and squeeze his hand as a wave of grief resonates through my body, but the unicorn huffs, lowers its head, and as the horn touches the dark thread, it turns into a wisp of smoke.
Something shifts inside me, as if gravity has suddenly become so much stronger, and I claw my hands onto the snow, trying to catch my breath.
I’m shaking, my joints hurt, and a dark sensation crawls through my torso, but the unicorn steps back, its slender hooves sinking into the snow ever more quietly.
“Thank you,” Tristan says grimly when words fail me.
The unicorn shakes its mane, and the sparkly particles it leaves behind melt away like snow. And then it’s gone. Just like that. For a moment, we still hear the clicking of hooves against stone, but then even that stops.
That was the most incredible encounter of my life, while also leaving me feeling as if there was something anticlimactic about it all. I made my request, and the unicorn granted my wish. It wanted nothing in return, nor did we have to fight it or trick it.
I should be happy.
I’m free to do as I please, released from the thread connecting me to a shadow wielder. I can go home.
But I feel… lost.
Empty.
And at the same time also profoundly hungover.
My body is so rigid and heavy that all I want is to curl up in the snow and sleep, but we should get going. Maybe once we’re back in the castle, and have our usual comforts back, thinking will be easier.
I glance over my shoulder.
“Come. You will get wet,” Tristan says and helps me up. As if we haven’t just met a mythical creature and severed a shadow bond. Achieved the unachievable.
I couldn’t have done it without him.
The truth behind that thought sinks deep, and I turn to face him, following the natural pull toward the one person who has stood by me. I move into a hug, longing for his touch in this moonlit night, but he steps back, gaze lowering.
“I’m sorry. I cannot bear it.”
He kept his promise to me so honorably. Even though he’s admitted it wasn’t his wish. I was wanted. I was promised. His promised. He stood by me even as I chose to cut the bond he believed sacred.
And now we’re both alone.
Deserted in a world where vows can be written in stars and shadows.
We had a connection so many would have dreamed of, but I had us go out of our way to end it, because it seemed like the only way for me to regain my freedom.
So why does my heart feel like a void?
Everything inside me longs for Tristan. The tension in his face and hunched shoulders make me want to cry, but what’s done is done. I wanted this, and now I’ll have to live with the consequences.
“So… What an amazing creature,” Tristan says, leading the way back to Stone.
I’m struggling to gather my thoughts. If this was what I wanted, then why does it feel as if a well of hopelessness has opened up under my feet?
“Yes. It… it was a once-in-a-lifetime experience,” I say, but the words feel like cardboard in my mouth as I follow Tristan to where we left Stone.
The ruins that have looked so magical before appear desaturated, as if the loss of my connection to Tristan has affected even the way I see the Nightmare Realm.
“Hey, Stone. We did it,” Tristan says as if trying to convince himself it was the right choice. “Just don’t tell anyone about it.” He pats the kelpie’s neck, then attaches one of the blue roses to the saddle before turning to give me a lift.
We’re quiet for the long minutes of our descend from Melancholy Peak, and I’m forced to chew on how disappointing this day has been.
So much pain and anguish, and for what? To see in grayscale and hear sobs in every noise coming from the nature around us?
I saw a unicorn. A unicorn, and all I can think about is that I miss the easy relationship I’ve been developing with Tristan.
“You’re free to go back home if you wish. I will arrange for whatever your choice ends up being.”
That wall from yesterday is still between us.
I miss the fun camaraderie of living together.
Those few days, even despite the yearning that was eating at my soul, showed me what life with Tristan could be.
Tristan showing me tricks he taught Lady, reading books to him, trying new foods, discussing far away cities we could visit.
I was the one who fractured that reality.
And while romance can exist between people who don’t share a shadow bond, or even those who have Dark Companions of their own, my hope dims with every step taken by the kelpie.
Because my insistence on this has proved I don’t fully trust Tristan, and what kind of relationship can be built on that?
“I—would you mind if I stayed?” I ask softly. What I really want to know is if he can ever forgive me, but asking such a question now would be cruel, so I don’t go there.
“Not at all. You could learn about healing the animals in the Nightmare Realm, and there are so many you were interested in—” The soul crushing, and unexpected sob that follows leaves me stunned.
At first, I freeze, but when Tristan shifts behind me, I grab the horn of the saddle and stabilize my body as I twist back with my heart in my throat.
“I apologize,” he chokes out, hiding his face with his arm, but I’m not letting him dismiss me.
“No… Tristan… please,” I utter, trying to hug him, but when that only results in an ache in my shoulders, I raise my leg and awkwardly move to face him in the saddle.