Chapter 12
Present
Aria
Memories of the last three years threaten to sneak back into my mind, and I try my best to shake them away.
It all started with Vegas.
I keep saying that, keep thinking it, but I honestly don’t know if it’s true anymore. All of this could have very much started a month after, when...
Nope.
New city, new beginnings, and all that shit.
No thinking about what brought me here. Not now, not ever.
Nope.
I’m going to put Austin behind me and move on. I will not think about anything that brings down the small high currently circulating through my body. At least not right now, anyway.
Instead of thinking of all that, I look up at the hospital and just take everything in. I feel like a part of me relaxes.
It’s weird to feel relaxed in a place that brings so many people pain, sorrow, and death, but for a long time, working a hospital shift was something I looked forward to.
Yes, I’ve had the urge to escape at times, but working with kids was one of my favorite things to do.
I took joy in helping my patients and seeing them smile.
I felt like I was home.
Some people may find a hospital feeling like home a little morbid, but they wouldn’t understand. After you spend so long in a place, that’s what it starts to feel like.
But it all went away when…
No, Aria.
You told yourself you wouldn’t think about that.
Right. I won’t think or even kick myself over the stupid decisions I made these last few years, or why I even took a traveling nurse position in Chicago of all places. Not that it’s a bad city, but I really liked Austin. I’ve only been here a total of two days, and I want to go back.
Right now, though, I need to be thinking about what’s ahead. Even though Austin will always be my home, I’m officially stepping into a new chapter, a chapter that hopefully isn’t haunted by the ones before it.
Taking a deep breath, I make my way into the hospital, where I will be spending my fair share of sleepless nights for the next six months.
If you would have asked me a year and a half ago if I would ever take a traveling nurse assignment, I would have laughed.
I never saw myself as someone to hop from one state to another.
I was more than happy being stable, which is a little ironic, because my twenties were filled with more party days than I can remember and weekend trips every other week to who knows where just to destress.
But even if I was—still am—a bit of a wild child, I like walking into the same building every day.
Had this all worked out my way, I would have stayed in Austin. I would have stayed and never even considered applying for a temporary nursing license in a different state or taking a job in a city where I have no one.
But things didn’t work out my way, much to my displeasure. So, here I am.
In a different city. In a different state. In a different hospital.
At the very least, the work will be the same.
And who knows? Maybe at the end of the six months, I won’t want to leave this place and will be kissing Austin goodbye for good, begging the nursing program to hire me permanently.
I cringe internally.
Don’t get too far ahead of yourself, Aria.
Right. Concentrate on the right now. That’s what I need to do.
Shoulders pushed back, I walk through the front entrance of the hospital and make my way through the building. I try to take in as much of the place as I can.
It’s not anything special. It’s still a hospital; they all feel and look the same.
They all have the same white walls with photographs by a local artist, the same sterile smell that hurts your nose but tells you everything is clean, the same vinyl flooring that causes shoes to squeak at every possible moment.
It’s all the same. The only difference is the people.
The individuals you work with can make or break the experience.
I loved the people I worked with and for back home. Fingers crossed I have that same experience here. I really don’t want to cut this assignment short. Six months is already a small amount of time, and I don’t need it to be shorter.
As I walk deeper into the hospital, my shoulders fall a bit, but not in apprehension or in defeat. It’s in relaxation.
The more I take in the atmosphere, the more I’m relaxing. It’s familiar in a way, and for a second, I feel like I’m back in Texas, walking my regular halls. That feeling goes away, though, as soon I reach the door with the words Human Resources on it.
Why is it always jarring walking into this type of office on your first day of work?
Maybe it’s because you feel like you’re going to get fired before you even begin.
Thankfully, the jarring feeling disappears as soon as I knock and the door swings open to reveal the sweetest woman on the other side.
Shelly greets me with a bright smile, one I reciprocate, and goes straight into getting me situated for my temporary role.
Time passes quickly, and before I know it, both of us are laughing over something her grandson did at preschool as she guides me up to the pediatric floor to start my assignment.
I’ve been working in pediatrics since my second year as a nurse, and even though it’s daunting, it’s my favorite place to be. I’m glad I found it—I was close to applying to a contract in Rhode Island, but I got a notification for this position and I applied within seconds.
I was iffy about coming to Chicago, especially since I hear the winters are horrible here, but it was my way out, and I was going to take it.
“And here is the nurse station.” Shelly guides me to the central part of the floor, waving a hand as if to say ta-da at all the desks before me.
And there are a lot of desks. This station has to be at least three times as big as the one back in Austin. I take in as much of the space as I can, smiling when I see a small desk that looks to be designated for a child.
“The place looks amazing,” I voice, excitement evident in my voice.
Shelly smiles back at me like she is excited too. “It’s a well-oiled machine. Everyone working on this floor truly tries to make sure the children and their families are well taken care of. It’s something we pride ourselves on.”
I think I made a good choice coming here. “That makes me so happy to hear.”
“Let me introduce you to your new coworkers.”
Shelly walks me around the station, introducing me to whoever is there, including the nurse manager handling the day shift, and ending it with a young nurse who looks fresh out of school.
“And this is Sophia. She’s one of our new nurses,” Shelly says, waving toward the girl throwing a smile and a wave my way.
“It’s nice to meet you. I’m Aria.”
“Sophia. Your nails are so cute. I love how they match your scrubs!” the girl rushes out when I offer her a hand to shake.
I look down at my nails when I pull my hand back, happy I decided to do them last night.
For as long as I could remember, I’ve done my nails to match my outfit and scrubs. It’s my me time, and seeing my nails painted with different colors makes me happy. They’ve always been short but cute and colorful. I take joy in my nails. They’re a part of who I was.
Except…
Except with him.
He hated my bright nails, hated the colors. And because I was so wrapped up in him and his words and everything he was, I wanted to make him happy, so I stopped. I only did what he liked. I hated it, but in my head, relationships were about compromise, so I stopped doing something I loved.
And I hated it.
So when I looked down at my hands yesterday and decided to paint my nails, I knew I was taking a step in the right direction. A direction away from him.
And Sophia’s love for them proves that.
I beam at my new colleague, loving her already for not only recognizing a good nail set but for giving me my first ounce of hope that Chicago is going to be somewhat good for me.
After all the nail talk, Shelly hands me over to the nurse manager, who has me basically shadowing Sophia for the rest of the day.
Even though I have seniority over her and know everything about how to help a pediatric department run, I still follow behind as she still walks me through the ins and outs of the department and the hospital.
It turns out to be a fun day, and I honestly can’t wait to work another shift with her.
“How long have you been working here at this hospital?” I ask as the two of us sit outside, coffee in our hands, on our break.
Sophia takes a sip of her ice coffee. “Almost a year. I finished my degree last June.”
“You’re just a baby then,” I say through a chuckle before taking a swig of my own coffee.
Sophia laughs too. “Basically.”
“What made you want to work on the pediatric floor?” This is a question I always ask. It gives you a better idea if the person is doing it because they really like nursing or because they are trying to make ends meet.
“I learned very early on in my rotations that I wasn’t cut out for the other departments, and I always liked kids. So when they needed a floater a few months ago, I volunteered. I’ve been up there since. Hopefully, they won’t move me to a different department.”
“They won’t. You know your stuff, and the kids and their parents seem to really like you. I don’t think you’re going anywhere anytime soon,” I reassure her.
“I hope you are right,” she says, but the words don’t come out with a whole lot of confidence. I’m about to tell her she needs to stop kicking herself and be the badass bitch I know she can be when she changes the subject. “What made you want to take a traveling contract in Chicago?”
Her question is simple, one that shouldn’t be hard to answer, yet I spend a good two minutes trying to figure out what to say. The truth will make me out to be someone one I’m not, someone I vowed to never be.
Eventually, I land on something that sounds believable, an answer that isn’t going to bring more questions to my doorstep.
“I needed a change of scenery, and Chicago seemed like a good place.”