Chapter 4
CHAPTER 4
CJ
As hard as she tried to pay attention to the young woman tasked with giving her a personally guided art tour of the local artisan pieces that hung proudly throughout the Ranch, CJ could not bring herself to stop worrying over what she had agreed to.
Her plan to spend a few quiet weeks in the solitude of the Ranch had been drastically altered when, after she changed out of her salad-dressing-covered clothes, Master Derek had ushered her into his office, sat her down, and point-blank asked if she would be open to a temporary dynamic while at the Ranch. While it wasn’t unheard of for relationships to develop over time at Rawhide Ranch—the owner having a bit of a magical knack at matchmaking—it wasn’t as often that Derek would approach someone with such a bold offer from the get-go and he made that perfectly clear.
“Excuse me, CJ,” Sadie said, pulling CJ’s attention back to where the pair stood in front of a large oil painting of cattle standing proud in a wide, open field.
Giving a small, sheepish smile, CJ replied. “I’m sorry about that, Sadie. This painting is just so incredibly beautiful I got lost in thought while admiring it.”
The other woman gave her a sly, knowing grin. “That’s okay, it’s just that my Daddy messaged me and said we should meet them by the check-in desk. Let’s go!”
Bounding off in the direction of the check-in desk, Sadie had an infectious pep in her step that made CJ smile wistfully.
When Derek had offered her the chance to be a Caregiver for her time at the Ranch, she hadn’t had to think hard before giving him an answer. She had filled him in a bit on a few of the relationships where she’d taken on the Daddy role in the past that had proven to be quite fulfilling. She felt comfortable and well-versed in the lifestyle. It was something that always gave her a sense of purpose, something that made her restless soul feel settled. And she could admit that the curvy blonde with the big, green eyes had intrigued her from the very moment she’d first caught a brief sight of her on the day she had checked into the Ranch. She’d just never expected to see the woman again.
The Ranch was vast in size and, while only partially developed, there was still a multitude for guests and residents to do at any given time.
To all but be handed the person who captured her attention—and then her emotions with that look of pure despondency when she collided with CJ in the cafeteria—on a silver platter was something she couldn’t possibly pass up. Anything to give her that sense of purpose she had lost since the demise of her last dynamic.
Even if she certainly wasn’t looking for love. Even if she was only here for a finite time.
Even if… even if… even if.
There were a million reasons it was a horrible idea
And just about a million reasons why it was the best idea at the very same time.
Now, she just had to hope the other woman was as interested in what Master Derek had to offer.
What she had to offer.
As CJ and Sadie approached the meeting spot, she saw Derek and the woman standing nearby. Seeing the woman’s red-rimmed eyes and an equally rosy nose, CJ could tell she had been crying, and a tiny bit of her heart broke on the woman’s behalf. Her hands were balled into tight fists and a gentle tremble seemed to take over her body as she raised her eyes to meet CJ’s gaze for the first time.
It took CJ’s goddamn breath away.
“Thanks for meeting us down here,” Derek spoke. “Sadie, you are excused back to your class.”
She scurried off after a quick kiss from her Daddy, leaving CJ, Derek, and the woman she hoped would be her temporary Little standing next to the check-in desk.
“Now, I know this is a unique situation that we have stumbled upon and that the two of you still have yet to be formally introduced. However, I’ve checked with the staff and have confirmed that we do have a two-bedroom suite available. What I would like to suggest to you, CJ, is that we transfer your belongings into the suite. Poppy and I have already had a chance to have a nice, long conversation, and she has agreed that she would be comfortable with bringing her items from her assigned dorm here to the main building for the duration of your stay.”
Poppy , CJ thought with amusement. Her name was Poppy .
Like the flowers that filled her grandparents’ fields every early spring in crimson reds and coral oranges. In bright, vibrant yellows, and soft, lavender blues. The flowers that, while they often didn’t bloom long, always stole the show from every other flower in the garden as they swayed in the gentle cool breezes of the mid-day sun.
Not allowing her mind to wander far, she forced herself to tune back into the present, listening intently as Derek continued to speak, “Of course, I have a bit of a leg up as I know both of you—at least through what your files have told me. However, while I believe you are well-suited to learn from one another, all boundaries and limits will be something that must be fully communicated and consented to between the pair of you.”
She was really going to do this.
CJ was going to say yes to a temporary dynamic with this beautiful woman in front of her knowing nothing more than her name and what she looked like.
But that was a lie, and CJ knew it.
Sure, she might not have known how Poppy tasted or have been able to describe how soft the other woman’s skin would feel under her fingertips. Yet she had known without a doubt that Poppy was broken and scared, that she was running from something. And if she had to put money on it, CJ would bet that it was she herself Poppy was trying to run from.
“Yes, Sir, I would be fine with that arrangement,” CJ directed toward Derek. Then, turning the rest of her attention to Poppy, she continued, offering an outstretched hand and a smile that she hoped hid the nerves coursing through her body. “Hi, Poppy, it’s nice to finally officially meet you. I’m CJ.”
Poppy
It didn’t take long for the two women to pack their respective belongings, Poppy choosing to leave behind most of the small trinkets and tchotchkes she had collected over the last few years in her dorm. She focused on clothes, determined to treat this as a vacation instead of her normal, winter college break. Although at the moment, she felt the entire thing was more like a science experiment than anything else.
She had momentarily been embarrassed when Derek suggested pairing her up with CJ for a few weeks. The Ranch owner told Poppy he thought a Caregiver dynamic could benefit her as it could provide structure and routine that could help her overcome some of her anxieties, while at the same time helping her to maintain a better hold over the things Poppy constantly felt were spiraling out of control. For a split second, she was confused, explaining to the owner that she wasn’t interested in women, but having taken numerous kink education classes through the Ranch, she knew that kink and sex didn’t always have to go hand-in-hand. Her decision was cemented though, when Master Derek went on to explain even more about the dynamic—the very type of dynamic he lived daily with his wife Sadie.
Secretly, Poppy had always looked up to Sadie, thinking she was one of the nicest and prettiest girls she had met since coming to the Ranch. And while she often didn’t cross paths with the owner’s wife, she knew Sadie was a Little and had a penchant for always pushing the buttons of her husband.
That was how Poppy found herself standing outside the two-bedroom suite, nervous and apprehensive yet with an excitement simmering within. She was torn between knocking or simply letting herself into the suite with the key she’d received from the front desk.
After nearly pacing a path on the floor, she decided to be brave. Key card clutched firmly in hand, Poppy waved it in front of the door.
Only for a red light to flash on the handle.
“What the...” she found herself saying out loud to no-one in particular.
Again, she swiped the key in front of the handle and again she was met with a red light. Poppy tried holding the key in front of the sensor, flipping the card so the opposite side was facing the handle, she even tried tapping it directly against it but time and time again, she was met with a red blinking light.
To anyone walking by, the sight probably looked comical.
But to Poppy, it was anything but.
Initially, she was frustrated, thinking a faulty handle or key card was to blame. But quickly, the logical frustration over the situation morphed into a well-known fear.
Rejection.
Perhaps the pretty lady with the short hair that made Poppy’s tummy do a strange, little flutter when she’d seen her in the lobby a few days ago had changed her mind. No one would blame CJ for deciding that Poppy was too much to handle. It was just another truth of her life.
Sure, people liked Poppy, but she was the type of person people came for. She wasn’t the type of person they stuck around for.
She felt stupid for thinking hopefully about something in her life, even something she knew would be temporary. Poppy had a feeling this exploration she was apprehensive yet excited to try would just lead to disappointment. She just hadn’t expected that disappointment to happen so soon.
With a loud sniffle, Poppy let her suitcase and duffle bag fall to the floor with a thump.
From deep inside the pocket of her winter coat, she pulled out yet another tissue that would surely soon be just as useless at collecting the tears that fell from her eyes as Poppy sometimes felt as a person. A bone-deep hurt she hadn’t expected to feel settled deep into her body and she slumped down against the wall that stretched the length of the hallway.
Her head fell against the knees she tried to hold to her chest.
“Poppy?”
The voice, soft and tentative, had her lifting her head.
CJ stood in front of her, a worried look on her otherwise beautiful, makeup-free face. “What’s wrong, sweetheart? Can you tell me what happened?”
Poppy was surprised she didn’t see disgust in the other woman’s eyes. As if her tears didn’t make CJ want to turn away, as if her tears weren’t something she needed to be ashamed of.
And while there were a few others who had treated her with such respect in her short life—even as recently as with Master Derek that very afternoon—this felt monumentally different.
Poppy only wished she knew why.
Before she could work up the courage to speak, CJ placed her back against the wall and slid down the smooth surface until she was sitting next to Poppy on the floor.
Their shoulders and thighs touched and through the fabric, Poppy felt a sudden surge of heat she wasn’t accustomed to feeling. And unlike the tears, that did make her feel slightly embarrassed and off kilter.
Poppy stared straight ahead, suddenly shy as a warmth crept up her cheeks. “It was silly.” She feigned nonchalance while wiping away the last of the tears that had fallen. “Don’t worry about it.”
She expected CJ to push up and leave.
Instead, the other woman moved closer and took Poppy’s right hand in her left. It took Poppy by surprise, but she found she liked the gentle reassurance the woman wasn’t about to bolt in the form of the fingers that gently threaded through hers.
“Sometimes, things feel overwhelming in the moment and when you step back and look at them later, they’re not quite as bad as we thought they were. Still, nothing that makes you feel overwhelmed or embarrassed in the moment is silly. You don’t have to tell me what happened, Poppy, but I would really like it if you would. For now, if you would like, why don’t we go inside our suite and we’ll get your things put away.”
One side of CJ’s mouth quirked up into a lopsided smile as Poppy slowly turned toward the woman and nodded.
Poppy decided she liked that smile.
And though she truly was just about to begin to get to know the woman who would be her impromptu Dominant—her impromptu Caregiver—for the next few weeks, she had a feeling she could trust CJ, if only she could trust herself not to mess it up in the process.
Together they stood, and when Poppy tried to reach for her duffle bag, CJ stretched out her hand and took it.
Maybe there was a metaphor in there somewhere, handing over her physical baggage while handing over the emotional baggage of near-crippling anxiety, self-doubt, and indecision.
Even if it were just for a few weeks, it was a few weeks Poppy was committed to going into with an open mind.
CJ waved her key card, unlocking the door, and once the pair had settled into their temporary home away from home, they reconvened in the large living area that sat in the middle of the two bedrooms. With the electric fireplace turned on and a speaker playing gentle music that lilted into the common area, Poppy felt a bit of the tension she’d been holding in the muscles of her neck and upper back leave her body.
CJ was about to sit on the comfortable-looking couch where Poppy had already taken up residence when she suddenly crossed the room in the opposite direction. Pulling a small card from her wallet, she placed it next to where she had placed her own room key on the entryway table. “I’m sorry we got caught up when I came back to the room. I had to have our keys remade because the original one I had didn’t work with our door.”
Poppy couldn’t help it.
She burst into laughter.
All that fear and anxiety simply because she’d immediately thought of the worst-case scenario.
Poppy had convinced herself that CJ hadn’t wanted to be her Caregiver for a few weeks, that the woman had decided Poppy was simply too much of an inconvenience, too much of a bother. And the entire time it was simply that the key hadn’t worked for CJ either, and the woman had taken it upon herself to take care of the issue before Poppy had to take care of it on her own.
Her hands came up to her mouth, gasping as she tried to get words out between the giggles. “I’m so sorry,” she said through the laughs. “I… I had been crying when you found me outside because my key wasn’t working either. I got so nervous that it meant you didn’t want to do this, that you didn’t want me to be your Little for a few weeks because I had never tried to be Little before and didn’t know how much I was going to like it, or if I would even like it at all.”
Gently taking a seat next to Poppy on the couch, CJ looked at Poppy with something she couldn’t quite identify. Poppy thought it was a strange mixture of curiosity and understanding but there was something else layered in with the other two that she didn’t understand. It could have been seen as desire, but Poppy had never seen the emotion directed toward her by another woman, and she wasn’t the type of person to assume someone’s sexuality based on the fact they appeared to be more androgynous than feminine.
Still, she was grateful she didn’t see the disdain she often felt when people were made to spend time with her. That there was no trace of disappointment on CJ’s angular face.
For the first time since their mortifying yet memorable meet-cute, she truly took the time to study CJ. She was opposite of Poppy in appearance. The woman had a long, lean body reminiscent of distance runners or the graceful dancers she had seen once upon a time when she went to fancy Broadway shows with her then boyfriend while the pair resided in New York City. Back before he turned cold and controlling. When he had still allowed her nights on the town as long as they benefited him in the long run.
Where Poppy’s face was round and soft as the rest of her body, CJ’s was angular with a strong jaw and brow that made her appear powerful. And when she looked the other woman in the eyes, dark brown irises with flecks of golden honey stared back at her in a way that was infinitely more beautiful than the old, murky green she saw when she looked at herself in the mirror every day.
CJ’s thin lips parted, but nothing came out as she searched Poppy’s eyes. She brushed a short lock of her own hair that had fallen from out of her eyes. Just barely long enough to tuck behind her ears, CJ’s hair was a look Poppy wished she could pull off but knew she would never have the confidence to try.
“This is so bizarre...” Poppy said.
At the same exact time, CJ spoke. “I know we have a lot to talk about.”
They both laughed a bit stiffly, but CJ recovered first and thankfully, Poppy thought, the other woman took the lead.
“I know we have a lot to talk about,” CJ started again. “Likes and dislikes, hard and soft limits. And I know those conversations aren’t always comfortable. But I want to make sure you feel comfortable with me, Poppy. Safe with me. So what do you say? Can we spend the rest of tonight having those hard conversations so we can start tomorrow off on the right foot?”
Poppy smiled at CJ. It was small and a bit shy, but it was a smile. And as Poppy nodded her head in agreement, CJ said, “Seeing you smile so sweetly tells me that while day one could have been disastrous with your key card not working, I do believe we can claim our beginning as a huge victory.”