Chapter 7
CHAPTER 7
Poppy
Standing at the foot of her bed, the butterflies that had taken up residence in Poppy’s tummy over the last few days began to violently flap their wings as one.
Subconsciously, she knew that she and CJ would eventually move their dynamic into more intimate territory. That while their relationship was platonic, there was a time where CJ would expect to take over some of the day-to-day tasks Poppy usually completed on her own as a way to help with the constant state of being overwhelmed Poppy had confided to CJ she felt on a near daily basis.
But as she looked at her ridiculous reflection in the mirror across the room, she was terrified to finally give in, to sink more into what she had learned was often called Little Space. Poppy was afraid that if this last-ditch effort to change her life didn’t work, that she would be out of options. Destined to fail at whatever life put in her path until the day she died.
The gentle knock on her bedroom door made her jump.
“Is it okay if I come in?” CJ asked softly from the opposite side of the door, never entering without permission despite the fact she was the Caregiver in the dynamic. Poppy had expected it to be strange, living with a near stranger full time, but CJ made sure they were both comfortable with each of her careful actions.
“Yeah, that’s fine.”
Giving Poppy a small smile as she came to stand in front of her, Poppy watched as CJ’s eyes did a quick once over Poppy’s voluptuous body. Poppy knew CJ had been waiting to see Poppy dressed like this, dressed like a Little girl.
Poppy’s breasts nearly spilled out of the thin tank top that CJ had gotten for her at the gift shop. A puppy wearing oversized sunglasses in a unicorn pool floatie was on the pastel, pink top, the words too cool for school written in a chunky, thick font above the adorable cartoon. Along with the tank, Poppy had pulled on a lilac pair of shorts that CJ had laid out alongside the top. The elastic waist was a little tight and the ruffles across her backside stretched a little too wide, but Poppy didn’t think that either of those flaws were as bad as the thick strip of flesh that was on display between where the fabric of the shirt stopped and the fabric of the shorts started.
She felt like a can of busted biscuits. A ten-pound sausage stuffed into a five-pound casing.
And as CJ continued to stare at the sight, Poppy took the silence for disapproval and quickly averted her eyes. “I knew it was gonna be too small for me. Most times, places don’t have sizes for me on hand. I’m sorry I don’t have anything better to wear that...”
Before she could continue, CJ was in front of Poppy. With firm but not unkind fingers, CJ took Poppy’s chin and tilted her head upward until they were staring at one another.
They were close.
Close enough that Poppy felt the gentle heat of CJ’s breath against her skin as the woman studied her with an unintelligible emotion on her angular face.
Poppy was certain CJ could look into her very soul and it made her squirm with vulnerability, knowing the other woman could certainly see her fears and biggest secrets.
And when CJ finally spoke, her voice was rough and deeper than normal. “Sweetheart, there is absolutely nothing wrong with how you look in this outfit. I’ve been dying to see you dressed like this—to see what you would look like in a sweet, little ruffled pair of shorts and adorable, cutesy top. Everything about it, about you , is perfect. You take my very breath away.”
“Then why do you look angry with me?” Poppy’s voice was breathy when it came out and she tried to turn her head but CJ wouldn’t allow it.
CJ’s face instantly morphed into something different, something Poppy would have sworn was desire. But as quickly as it was there, it disappeared, a stoic mask slipping back into place. “I just don’t appreciate hearing you say such negative things about yourself. Come on, let’s go take a look at your journal. I think we should look at the affirmations you’ve been writing the last few days.”
It was uncomfortable for Poppy at first, learning to sink into a place where she felt like she could let go of some of the adult fears bogging her down. But with CJ by her side, they read through the first few days of affirmations that Poppy had written and then with CJ behind Poppy on the couch in their suite, gently brushing her blonde hair in soft, careful strokes, Poppy read aloud from her journal, reveling in the tasks she had already completed for the week.
They shared room service for dinner—a delicious meal of wild salmon and fresh steamed vegetables for CJ, a grilled chicken sandwich and French fries for Poppy. And when Poppy gave in after pouting when CJ tried to feed her a piece of fish, she was rewarded with chocolate cake for dessert and the newfound knowledge that just maybe, not all fish tasted like she imagined the Jersey Shore smelled.
And as they watched a Disney movie together, the gentle glow of the electric fireplace casting a magical ambiance over the room, Poppy initiated contact, sliding closer and closer until she was sweetly tucked against CJ’s firm side.
When CJ looked down, Poppy again witnessed a flash of emotion in the woman’s eyes, or perhaps it was just the cartoon flickering in a kaleidoscope of colors across CJ’s face that had her suddenly look a bit sad even as she smiled down at Poppy’s upturned face.
The credits began just as Poppy tried—and failed—to suppress a yawn. “Can we watch one more?” she asked hopefully.
“Not tonight, sweet girl, even though I’d love to as I’ve truly enjoyed this evening with you. But I know a tired Little is often a cranky Little the following day. I think it’s about time for a bath. It’s getting late and you need to be getting into bed soon.”
Wiggling closer to CJ, Poppy protested on a whine. “I don’t want to take a bath tonight. Can’t it wait until morning?”
Glancing at Poppy, a wide smile stretched across CJ’s face. “You see, I would say that it could wait until morning, but from where I’m sitting, it looks like most of the bubblegum ice cream I so graciously let you have halfway through the movie is on your face. Did you even get any of it in your tummy?” Shifting on the couch, she pulled Poppy into her lap, tickling her under the chin and on her sides until Poppy was giggling and gasping for air. “Jesus, woman, you even have sprinkles in your hair!”
They broke out into a fit of giggles, Poppy continuing to squirm as CJ assaulted her with tiny tickles.
Then suddenly, CJ’s face fell, all sense of humor gone, a serious question etched across her brow that Poppy thought somehow made her even more beautiful than any woman had a right to be.
“Poppy, would you let me...” She stopped, as if warring with herself over the question she was about to ask. “Would you let me bathe you tonight?”
It wasn’t something that was a hard limit for Poppy. Rather, it was something she’d initially told CJ she would prefer to revisit at a later date.
Still, Poppy hadn’t expected that date to happen so soon. But then again, the idea didn’t disgust her or confuse her. In fact, when she thought about it—about having someone care for her with touch in a way often reserved for the most intimate of relationships, she found the idea strangely appealing. Knowing it would be CJ, the person who had shown Poppy so much grace and understanding in such a short time, as the person bathing her only made her like the idea even more.
Poppy nodded, but she knew that when it came to her dynamic with CJ, she needed to use her words. “I think I would like that.”
On shaky legs, Poppy stood, waiting for CJ to give her the next command.
“Come on, sweet girl.” CJ motioned for Poppy to follow her to the bathroom off CJ’s room. It was identical to the en suite bath off her own room and that small semblance of normalcy helped to ease some of Poppy’s nerves.
Still, she fidgeted with her fingers as CJ busied herself in the bathroom, grabbing oversized towels, bubbles, bath toys, and a soft, oversized washcloth with the Ranch’s logo embroidered on one corner.
When the water was running and plenty of thick bubble bath had been poured into the water, CJ turned to Poppy who could feel her cheeks heating as she flushed.
CJ smiled reassuringly. “I know you don’t believe it yet, Poppy, but you truly are magnificent.” With sure hands, she tugged Poppy’s tank top up and over her head. “You are not only gorgeous, you are very much wanted.”
Despite her Caregiver’s words, Poppy’s hands flew toward her breasts, desperate to preserve what little modesty she had left. But CJ was quicker to react, stopping the action before it could happen. She held Poppy’s arms away from her body but didn’t drop her eyes, keeping her gaze firmly locked with Poppy’s gorgeous green irises.
“Trust me, Poppy.” CJ’s voice was low and smooth as she released Poppy’s arms and continued, “Trust me to be there for you. To be a safe person for you. Trust me to guide you, to care for you. Because you’re so worthy of being cared for exactly as you are.”
A single tear slipped from Poppy’s eye as she nodded. “Yes, Daddy.”
CJ’s eyes went wide at the same time Poppy’s hands covered her mouth. For once, she wasn’t thinking of her modesty or insecurities—of the stretch marks on her skin that made her shy in front of people. She couldn’t think about college, or being Little, or how lonely the upcoming holidays would be without her unexpected new friend at her side, or what a mess she made out of things as terror filled her veins over her inadvertent slip up.
Poppy tried to flee from the bathroom, ready to slam the door behind her as she ran to her own bedroom with a finality on this most certainly failed dynamic. The spa-like atmosphere of water filling the tub and soft, lavender scents that floated on the air forgotten as pure mortification settled over her like a heavy blanket made of pure cement.
But of course, CJ wouldn’t make it that easy on her. Instead, CJ had been helping Poppy to focus on sitting with her emotions before acting on them. And as she stood half naked, a bathtub big enough for two filling that would soon be full of toys she never would have thought to play with as an adult, her Caregiver was doing just that.
“What’s your color, Poppy?”
The question took her by surprise, but she should have known that CJ would never push her further than she was ready, even when it came to hard conversations. Still, as she did a quick scan of her body, she realized that yes, she was mortified about the slip up, but that for as embarrassed as she was, she also wanted a chance to explain exactly what had happened. Not that she fully understood it yet herself.
“I’m okay,” she said quietly. Then, as she brought eyes that shone with nerves up to meet CJ’s she said with a bit more conviction. “I’m green.”
CJ beamed at her with a radiant smile that spoke of affection. With that smile alone, Poppy relaxed a bit more, knowing she’d made the right decision.
“Atta girl. Let’s finish undressing you and get you into the tub before it overflows with bubbles. Then we can talk while I wash you.”
Where Poppy had expected the entire experience to be stiff and uncomfortable, she found she actually sinking into feeling like a Little as the warm water lapped gently at her skin. She continued to embrace that feeling when the bubbles CJ blew off her hand drifted softly in the air before landing on Poppy’s nose. And she sank further as she spelled her name with foam letters that clung to the side of the oversized soaking tub.
And when CJ reached across the tub to spell her own word on the tiled wall, the side of her hand accidentally brushing against one of Poppy’s nipples, CJ’s expression showed she’d expected the spell to be broken but smiled with delight instead when Poppy laughed, reaching over to trail her fingers over the letters CJ had used to spell the word kitten .
The pair were silent for a few minutes, Poppy playing with various floating shapes and toys, drawing on the wall with markers designed just for the tub while CJ continued to smile, just watching as she took in the scene.
As she drew a flower on the wall, Poppy thought about how this was all new to her, but not to her Caregiver. CJ had told her she’d been in the lifestyle for over a decade and for nearly all of that time was in a steady dynamic with one of her three long-term partners all of whom identified as Littles. Poppy also remembered how the beautiful woman had told her how gratifying it was to have Poppy trust her to care for her Little self. How being a Caregiver was one of the greatest gifts she had ever received.
And she hadn’t freaked out when Poppy called her Daddy, which she was still embarrassed over. As if her thoughts had been spoken, Poppy saw CJ’s mouth open, but cut her off with her own question. “Why did you spell out kitten on the tile? Do you have a cat at home that you miss?”
CJ chuckled a little, her eyes sparkling with amusement that Poppy hadn’t seen before. “No, sweetheart. You’re my kitten.”
Poppy was confused and felt her nose wrinkling up in perplexity. “What do you mean?”
“It’s rare that I talk about my past, especially with people I don’t know really well, but you’re being so open and willing to experience new firsts with me, the least I can do is return the gesture in kind,” CJ said as she dipped the washcloth into the warm water.
Poppy felt a bit confused as well as honored at her Caregiver’s words, remaining still and quiet as CJ drizzled a healthy amount of body wash onto it before working the suds into a rich lather. She started with the back of Poppy’s neck before moving down her spine as if to give Poppy time to get accustomed to her Caregiver’s hands on her nude body for the first time.
“When I was growing up, my grandparents owned a flower farm. It was one of the most beautiful, colorful places I’ve ever seen. And when I was six years old, I was sent to live with them on that farm.”
As if working on autopilot, she washed down the length of one of Poppy’s arms before repeating the process with the other. She continued her story as she glided the cloth over the front of Poppy’s bare chest. “When you’re the result of an accidental pregnancy and born to two of the biggest rock stars on the planet, there really isn’t a lot of parenting happening. And when things like world tours and press junkets begin to take precedence over parent-teacher meetings, school, and even crucial doctor’s appointments, the authorities sometimes step in. And in my case, my parents had to decide if they were willing to give up the drug-and-alcohol-fueled lifestyle that fame brought them or risk losing parental rights to their only child. Of course, as you already know, I ended up with my grandparents, my mom and dad choosing fame over family.”
Poppy didn’t react, simply turned her head to watch as CJ continued to rub circles over her skin.
With gentle hands, CJ poured water over Poppy’s hair, washing, rinsing and conditioning with care. The experienced Caregiver made sure that soap never touched Poppy’s eyes, ensuring she was safe through something as mundane yet intimate as a bath.
Finally, CJ gestured for Poppy to stand, and she felt shy for a moment. But when CJ arched an eyebrow in her direction, she did as instructed, truly wanting to please CJ by doing as her Caregiver asked.
“Hold on to my shoulder to steady yourself if you need. And if you want me to stop, you can say red. I’m going to wash your legs and your privates now. Is that okay with you, Poppy.”
Her breath hitched but her voice was steady when she responded. “I’m ready. I’m still green.”
CJ’s smile in return was bright enough to light entire galaxies, and Poppy had the feeling that the trust she was extending toward CJ gave her courage to resume her own story as she continued to treat Poppy’s body with a delicate care Poppy realized she’d never experienced before.
“I was a handful to say the least. Always getting in trouble and running away from home. Always looking for something to make me feel like I belonged. I was just a kid, and I felt like my parents had abandoned me. I mean, they had abandoned me. Then, one summer—I must have been fourteen or fifteen at the time—my grandfather found me in my room and told me he had an important job that only I could help him with.”
CJ’s hands traveled over Poppy’s thighs and then she urged Poppy to spread her legs. Poppy hitched a breath as the soapy cloth made contact, sliding through the folds of her most sacred place. Sure, she had been touched between the legs before. But this wasn’t like the times a man had touched her there to roughly prepare her for sex. This wasn’t clinical or something a person worked though quickly to get to the good stuff. No, CJ took her time to slide between the folds of Poppy’s vulva. To massage the cloth over her mons and through Poppy’s thick pubic hair.
This felt different. Reverent.
As if every inch of Poppy’s body was worth celebrating. Worth worshiping .
It also, Poppy realized, felt amazing. She hadn’t been touched like this in years. Hadn’t had another person place their hands on her body since the end of the often emotionally abusive relationship that had led her to the Ranch.
And that thought alone was enough to jolt her back to the present, where a fully clothed CJ was washing Poppy between her legs. Trying to redirect the gravity of the moment, she remembered the conversation the two had previously been having and tried to steer them back toward what was certain to be safer territory than her own currently conflicting emotions. “What was the job your grandfather gave you?”
As if recognizing Poppy was already pushing herself far beyond anything CJ would have ever expected, she dropped the cloth over the side of the tub before beginning the process of rinsing Poppy’s body with fresh, warm water.
“He had found an abandoned litter of kittens in the barn they kept their gardening tools in. Too young to be on their own, he looked and looked but never found the mother cat. I’m not sure why he thought I should be in charge of them, but something tells me the man knew it was exactly what I needed. Together we carried five screaming kittens from the barn to the house. I made them a makeshift bed in a large, cardboard box. They were so tiny their eyes hadn’t even opened, and I had to tend to them every two hours around the clock for the first week.”
CJ helped Poppy out of the tub, wrapping her in a huge towel that stretched all the way around Poppy’s curvy frame. It made Poppy feel tiny and cute, and she loved it more than she expected. Back at her dorm at the university, she used a smaller towel that made her feel like a giant. But in the suite, with this fluffy sheet, she felt like royalty. Already, she knew she would miss everything about this bathroom when she went back to her dorm. The way there was actually room to move around with ease, the bright light and spacious vanity–not to mention the tub she wanted to live in.
“I was exhausted,” CJ continued as she carefully dried Poppy’s skin. “But I knew that those kittens were counting on me. And as they grew and gained strength, I did right alongside them. I learned so much about myself that summer, particularly that I thrived when having a purpose, when given a reason to care for those around me like I did for those kittens. It was something I likely never would have learned if I’d stayed with my parents, and it was something that changed my life.”
After making sure Poppy was dry, CJ helped her into a clean pair of simple white, cotton panties and a nightgown that fell down to her knees. This nightgown, much like the silly yet cute shirt she had worn earlier, had a cartoon print on the garment. Though this time it was an all-over print of a bunny holding a carrot in adorable poses surrounded by flowers in all colors of the rainbow.
CJ watched Poppy with rapt attention as her Little brushed her teeth. Pushing herself onto the counter in the bathroom, CJ continued the story that she had started in the tub. “You remind me of those kittens because they might have been cute, but they were also full of sass. And sometimes, when not happy, they even took a swipe with their tiny little murder mittens. But even when they were acting fierce, a lot of the time, it was because they were actually afraid themselves.”
Poppy blushed, thinking back to how mean she had been to CJ the day they first explored the Littles’ Wing together, how her fear made her lash out, just like the kittens CJ described on her grandparents’ flower farm.
Quickly, she finished brushing her teeth, making sure she rinsed just as well as she’d brushed. Wanting to lighten the mood, she wiped a stray water droplet from her bottom lip before she spoke. “And here I thought that it was because I was so irresistibly adorable.”
CJ threw her head back and laughed as if loving that Poppy was feeling comfortable enough to joke around despite the heavy nature of their night together. Truly, in just a few short days, Poppy had begun to flourish just by having a bit of extra one-on-one attention CJ showered her with—attention that anyone would have been lucky to receive. Having someone to listen to her, to truly take her fears into consideration, had been something Poppy had been lacking, even if she’d been unaware of the fact until she was paired with CJ in such an unconventional way.
Together they finished getting Poppy ready for bed. CJ insisted on combing through her Little’s still-damp hair, making sure it was once again free of tangles. And then she led Poppy across the suite to Poppy’s room. “Come on, kitten. I’ll get you all tucked in.”
CJ pulled the sheets back, ushering Poppy into bed. She found the stuffed kitten they got at the gift shop and tucked it into bed next to Poppy then leaned down and pressed a chaste kiss to the kitten’s forehead followed by one to her Little’s brow, too. Sitting on the side of Poppy’s bed, CJ smiled with such tenderness it almost brought a tear to Poppy’s eyes. “For what it’s worth, Poppy, you are absolutely, irresistibly adorable. And I know you think I forgot about it already, but I haven’t. And if you are comfortable calling me Daddy, I would be honored to hold that role in our dynamic.”
Poppy sleepily smiled back, a bit worn out from another emotional day with CJ. Yet, from under the covers, Poppy slipped one of her hands free and reached out for CJ’s hand. “I’ve been spending so much time with other Littles as I explore this side of myself that I think I just got used to hearing them use the term so freely.”
Though that was partially true, Poppy also felt an unfamiliar jealousy when she thought about someone else calling CJ Daddy. She knew that CJ had other Littles before her, and when they’d talked about honorifics at the start of their dynamic, it was one of the titles CJ said she was comfortable being called.
Still, Poppy hadn’t ever thought that she would want to call anyone Daddy. Especially not another woman.
Yet there was something to be said for CJ. The strong, silent way she cared for Poppy, the energy she gave off that spoke to how she would be there to take care of the problems that simply felt like too much for Poppy to handle on her own.
CJ was nurturing and affirming, yet she gently pushed Poppy outside of her comfort zone in a way that would previously have had Poppy shutting down.
CJ was every bit a Daddy if Poppy had ever seen one.
And with CJ’s permission, Poppy decided that Daddy was, in fact, the perfect name to use. It gave CJ the respect she so beautifully earned by treating Poppy with the care and appreciation Poppy had so desperately been missing without ever knowing. “Okay, Daddy. I would like that very much.”
CJ
With another squeeze to Poppy’s hand and one last gentle kiss against her temple, CJ retreated back to her own bedroom in their shared suite. She was more confused than ever and desperate to keep a woman who could never be anything more than her temporary Little.
Somehow, while helping Poppy to discover all the promise she had bottled up deep within, she had gone and fallen in love with the woman with the expressive green eyes.
With the beautiful, battered soul and need for fierce love and gentle discipline.
CJ only wished she could be the one to give Poppy that love and structure for the rest of her life.
Closing her eyes, CJ vowed to focus on the time they had left, knowing she would have to pick up the pieces of her broken heart when it was time to leave the Ranch for good.