12. Bless
CHAPTER 12
BLESS
S ince spending the day with Legacy and the kids, my mind had been consumed with thoughts of him. I tossed and turned all night, unable to find any peace. The sense of security I’d felt while being with Legacy that day was unmatched. I hadn't felt that much peace since we’d broken up. There was unity in being together with him and the kids, a completeness that made everything else in my life feel like it was missing exactly that.
Laughing with him felt like old times, times that I desperately missed. I yearned for those moments, for the way we used to be. But it was complicated. I wanted Legacy back, but the pain his addiction had caused still lingered in my heart. My own secrets kept my yearning at bay. Yet my heart had a mind of its own.
As I lay there lost in my thoughts, my phone buzzed with a text message. I glanced at the screen and saw it was from Raja, asking if I was awake. The reminder of our conversation earlier that day instantly made me frustrated all over again. On one hand, I felt Raja was inconsiderate, but on the other, I knew I wasn’t giving him the energy he needed or deserved.
With a sigh, I decided to call him. He answered quickly, clearly surprised. "Bless? Hey, so you are awake."
"I'm awake and can't sleep," I said, my voice softer than I intended. "Can you come over?"
"Of course," he replied eagerly. "I'm actually already on Lakeshore Drive. I'll be there in ten minutes."
"Okay, see you soon," I said before hanging up. I climbed out of bed, realizing I had been trying to fall asleep naked. Quickly, I slipped on a pair of lounge shorts and a T-shirt.
As I waited for Raja, I paced the plush carpet in my bedroom. I knew I wasn't being fair to him, and part of me felt guilty. But another part of me was still committed to Legacy.
A few minutes later, Raja called again.
“Hello?”
“I’m outside.”
"I'll be right out."
"Okay," he replied, but I could hear the confusion and disappointment in his voice. He had expected to be invited in.
I sighed, preparing myself for what I had to do. I left the apartment, making sure to secure it closed and taking my house keys with me. The kids were asleep, so I turned on the "home" alarm on my Ring app, even though I would only be outside for a few minutes.
Once outside, I got into Raja's car. The aroma of that new-car smell, his woody cologne, and weed wrapped around me. He looked at me curiously as my eyes avoided his, bouncing from the windshield to the passenger’s window.
“What’s up?” He got straight to it. There was a bit of regret in his tone as if he knew what I was about to say.
Sighing, I finally looked at him. "Raja, I can’t do this anymore.” His brows curled tightly as I told him, “I know I haven’t been giving you the time and energy you need, and it's not fair to you."
His face twisted with anger as he sat back in his seat. He was silent for a few agonizing seconds before he blurted, "So, you just wasted my time?"
My eyes blinked rapidly in response to his coldness. "Raja, I didn’t mean to waste your time. I wanted to be into this, into you . You’re a great guy, but—”
His vicious laughter interrupted me. “Are you really giving me that bullshit-ass it’s-not-you-it’s me excuse?”
I took a deep breath, trying to stay calm. “It’s not bull—”
"I feel like a goofy! All the money I’ve wasted on yo’ ass, and you didn’t even let me hit the pussy!”
“Wow! Okay!” I said, grabbing the door handle. “Clearly, you can’t have a mature conversation about this, so I’m out.”
As I opened the door, he grabbed my arm, gripping it so tightly that I could feel his nails digging into my skin. He lunged over and closed the door, slamming it forcefully.
"Let me go!" I yelled, trying to pull away, but his grip tightened.
Desperation took over, and I slapped him hard across the face. He barely flinched as his expression contorted into determined rage.
Before I could react, he climbed over into my seat, his hands rough as he tried to pull down my shorts. Panic rushed through me as I fought back with all my strength, my heart pounding thunderously.
My nails dug into his skin as I tried to pry his grip loose, but it was like hitting a brick wall. His weight pinned me down, and I felt a wave of terror wash over me as I continued to struggle, my cries echoing in the confined space of the truck. “Get the fuck off of me!”