Chapter 22 Healing
Nell
I rolled over and cried as my husband rode away from the cabin.
Yes, I desperately wanted to see him. I wanted his arms wrapped around me and to feel safe with him again.
The problem was, every time I closed my eyes, I saw that text he sent.
More importantly, I saw her fucking name.
It didn’t matter if my rational mind could explain it in a way where jealousy and heartbreak didn’t have to be involved.
My heart ached because he picked her. He was there for her in my time of need and no matter how inexplicable, I couldn’t work my way around that.
“Did he say he was in an accident?” I asked Angel as she came back inside.
She nodded. “It looked like it, too. I wanted to go hug him so badly, but sister solidarity won out. After everything he learned about our parents’ past, you would have thought he would have sent someone else to deal with that bitch.”
Angel wasn’t even fully in the know about who the hell Roxy was, beyond the lies that her P.I.
had been told. I took the time to fill her in while I was in the hospital to help keep my mind off everything.
Everything being the fact that my husband hadn’t shown up for me.
At all. Not before my ordeal, during, or after when I had to sit through X-rays and getting my leg set and cast.
“I know he would have passed it off to someone else if he’d been able to.
Somewhere in here,” I lightly tapped the side of my head.
“I also know that cell signal is impossible to get on some stretches of road, and maybe he didn’t even know I was hurt for a while.
The logical side of my brain still works. ”
“But it doesn’t stop your heart from hurting over the other parts,” Angel added.
“Yeah, I think I just need a couple days to try to process and make it all make sense in a way that no longer hurts my heart. Does that make me a bad person?”
“No. After what you went through, you need to put yourself first and focus on healing, whether that’s your body, mind, or your heart. I’ll be here by your side until you don’t need me anymore.”
“Was he hurt?”
“Maybe a little, but I think his hurt was more about his heart, too.”
“See, that makes this so much harder,” I mumbled as tears spilled over onto my pillow again.
“I know it does. You need to try to get your rest, Nell. I’ll be waking you again in about two hours.”
“Thank you for doing this,” I managed to tell her.
“What are sisters for?” Angel’s smile was real and it made me feel so fucking welcome and wanted.
I’d never had siblings growing up, so it was wonderful that my new sister-in-law took the job seriously.
I hoped she stayed around. Not just for my husband’s sake but for mine and maybe even Brady’s.
I was wrong before. I no longer thought he just had a simple crush.
The man had it bad for my beautiful sister-in-law, whether he was ready to admit it yet or not.
I took two days to wallow in my own self pity.
It was also in my own funk, but I remedied that with a shower, finally.
Then I hopped on my crutches and made my way down to the UTV Brady had on standby and drove myself over to the shop.
Wallowing with absolutely nothing to do except rot my brain further with reality TV was a suck-fest of misery even I could no longer inflict on myself.
When I made my way over to the shop, it felt as though I could breathe again.
I needed to get back to work so I could get out of my damn head and stop arguing with myself over whether my logical mind or my heart was the one I needed to follow.
Since I’d suffered a minor concussion, I didn’t think it was wise to slide on my helmet.
Instead, I put on safety goggles, picked up the Dremel, and went to town on a few places where I needed to make some intricate little patterns in the metal.
I was so lost in the hum of the tool and what I was doing that I didn’t even realize someone had pulled up a stool to watch me work.
After having someone look over my shoulder most of the previous week, I didn’t think twice about it. I should have. When I finally put the Dremel down to shake off the buzzing sensation in my hands, I glanced over and saw that it was my husband on that seat.
“I know you still don’t want to see me, but you deserve an update on what’s gone down.”
I gave a quick nod of my head as I gathered my things to put them away.
It was wild that I was tired already and couldn’t have possibly been there for more than a couple hours at most. Still, eventually, there was nothing left for me to clean up or organize so I sat with a huff and listened as Rick told me everything.
“When I left, it wasn’t for Roxy or even her mother.
It was because there were supposedly five members of the Mojave Devils looking to set up shop in a town that is only about three hours from here.
Most of the men were in Flagstaff to help Squeak out of a situation.
Some of our other guys were on distribution runs for our shrooms. There were only three of us available to go, and that included me.
” He leaned over to touch my arm, but I rolled my chair out of his reach.
“I deserve that. Don’t fuckin’ like it, but I get it, sweetheart.
Okay then. Right to the point and I’ll be on my way.
There weren’t any fucking Devils in Truth or Consequences that day.
Roxy and Lila came up with the lie to get us there in the hopes that it would soften the club’s stance on Rox.
They were trying to make her look sympathetic.
They fucked up, especially since the club had so much going on that day and was stretched far too thin to have to deal with their bullshit. ”
I almost felt bad for Rick, especially because my husband sounded so damn defeated as he spoke. I had never heard him sound like that before.
“They’ve been banned from the club, both of them.
Not just our clubhouse and properties, but nationally.
They aren’t to have any contact with members, affiliates, families, or be anywhere near any club properties.
They’ve also been exiled and aren’t allowed to settle in New Mexico, Arizona, Texas, or Colorado because they’re all too fucking close to home.
We have someone making sure they land elsewhere and eyes will stay on them for a little bit.
Every current member of the club throughout the country was sent notice of their exile along with pictures and the fact that they were tossed for multiple, major betrayals against a member and the club as a whole. ”
“What happens if they don’t listen?” I turned to see Angel standing just behind me. “They weren’t supposed to contact you before but they did.”
Rick nodded. “That’s true. Lila wasn’t banned at that point, she was just told to go cool off. Punchy had only disowned his daughter and him disowning her is different than being exiled. Now, they can’t even contact Punchy unless he leaves the club for them.”
Angel sucked in a breath, obviously shocked by that.
I was still somewhat numb and working through everything so it would take a bit to process how I felt.
Not that it mattered to me in the big picture.
I wondered how Punchy was able to live with making the decision between keeping his family or staying with his club, though.
Granted, it was his family who forced that choice because of their actions.
I didn’t get to think on it too long because Rick wasn’t done filling me in on everything that had happened since I was injured.
“Johnny Culver’s death was officially ruled a vehicular accident.
The report says it appears he lost control of his motorcycle, crashed, and during the fall, hit his head several times on road debris.
” Rick chuckled. “You got him good, sweetheart. He escaped a far worse fate because of it, but at least you got your own justice for what he tried to do to you and the fucker won’t be able to do it to anyone else. ”
Rick stood and looked down at me, but I couldn’t bring myself to face him, so I kept my head down.
I wasn’t done thinking everything over and figuring out what it all meant.
I also wasn’t done healing and didn’t want him to see my body all banged up the way it was.
That just added to my turmoil. I could see his movements from my peripheral vision, though.
“I’m here when you decide what you want, Nell. Not going anywhere. Didn’t choose anyone else over you, either. I was doing my duty to the club that day, nothing more.”
He walked away as I told myself that I knew that he was right.
It didn’t stop my heart from hurting. I wanted to wrap myself in his arms and never let go, but what if next time I was in trouble another woman was too.
Would he choose her? Would he choose someone else because the club needed him to?
My fears might not have been fair but after what I went through, they were valid.
“Wait!” Angel called out.
“Yeah?” Rick called back and I could tell he was already at the bay door.
“What about whoever was supposed to be here that day with Nell? What happened to them?”
“He was a prospect who didn’t show up or call until later that evening.
He had some excuse about his grandma being sick, but that wasn’t good enough.
The asshole never let us know that he wasn’t coming so we could replace him, and since Nell didn’t say anything, we all assumed he was here all day with her. ”
That made my stomach sour knowing that I should have reported that, but honestly, it wasn’t something that I thought of until I was too mad to do anything about it.
“He’s no longer able to be a member of the club and is also exiled from affiliating with anyone in the KOAMC.”
“Good. He deserves the ban,” Angel called back to her brother.
We both remained quiet as we listened to Rick get on his motorcycle and leave.
Then, my sweet sister-in-law wrapped me up in a hug and let me break down in her arms. “I know you need time, and I’m not rushing you, but he looks wrecked and I think you need to know that, too.
You’re both suffering and I hate it even though I understand. ”
BAFFLE: I’m giving you space, not giving up. Eventually, I’m coming for you, but I hope you come to me first.
Rick sent that text the day after he came to tell me what happened to Roxy and Lila.
I stared at it again this morning. It had been two days since he sent it and I was so tired of not being with my husband.
If I let this go on much longer, Roxy might as well have gotten her way because the longer we spent apart the bigger a divide that slipped between us.
We were already at a disadvantage with our relationship because it was so new and this felt almost insurmountable for some reason.
I just felt irrationally frozen every time I got ready to reach out.
I was just about to put my welding helmet on when a small truck rolled up. It was Sammy and Tilly. They came in and Tilly immediately pulled up the second rolling chair in the bay and brought it next to mine. I glanced over at Sammy who seemed preoccupied with her thoughts.
“Angel was supposed to come with you,” I mentioned. Sammy nodded but didn’t say anything.
“My boy, your husband, needs his wife right now. They went to the prison yesterday to see their father. Neither Patrick or Angel will talk with anyone about it, but they both had a lot to unpack from that conversation. Please, if you even for one minute considered setting things to rights, now is the time to stop being stubborn.”
Rick hadn’t even told me he was going. Then again, neither did Angel.
I had to assume it was something they got approval for at the last minute and took off as soon as it came through.
I knew it was wrong to feel like I’d once again been left out, but that was ridiculous.
I couldn’t expect my husband to keep me updated on everything in his life when I refused to even speak to him since the morning before we parted ways on the day Johnny came after me.
“Can you give me a ride?” I asked. Tilly patted my hand, nodded, and then stood up to help me out of my chair.
Sammy brought my crutches over to me, and then we were off with my watchdog for the day, Squeak, following behind.
No matter how jumbled my head was, I could be there for Rick.
I already knew that had to be a hard visit because it was his first time seeing his father since the man had been locked away after killing his mother.