Chapter 18
CHAPTER
EIGHTEEN
Olivia
I feel almost giddy this morning as I get ready for the day out with BamBam, almost as if it’s my very first date or something.
“It’s not a date, Livy,” I say out loud to myself, making sure my mirror image understands that key fact. “He’s just helping you out because of Jasper.”
Theo’s coos from his crib have me turning toward my boy. He’s flailing his little arms and legs, one of his tells that he needs a diaper change. I quickly take care of that, then finish getting dressed so I can take him downstairs and feed him before BamBam arrives.
In the kitchen, I find the other women who are busy putting together breakfast. “Here, I’ll take him so you can eat,” Marge says, holding out her arms.
She’s a bit of an odd duck as my dad would’ve said, but I honestly feel like everything that’s happened to her has beaten her down. Hopefully, Beth can get through to her because I see a woman with a heart of gold who keeps going even though as a mom, I don’t know that I could if I lost my son.
I willingly hand him over, then grab the plates and silverware to set the table.
Briley brings over a carafe of coffee, as well as mugs for those who drink it, while Ashley sets the huge skillet full of scrambled eggs in the middle of the table.
With everyone working together in unity, it takes no time before we’re eating and talking about our plans for the day.
I’ve noticed that every day I regain a little more of who I was before Jasper beat me down and made me doubt myself.
There’s still so much more I need to unpack, I’m sure, but at least I no longer jump whenever I see someone, especially a man, coming toward me.
That’s gotta count for something, right?
“So, your biker is taking you shopping today,” Briley teases.
I can still see the sadness in her eyes, but she’s trying as well.
Breaking those generational curses that often have women falling into the same patterns again and again isn’t easy, but her goal of getting her kid back seems to be doing the trick.
“He’s not my biker,” I reply, a flush crawling up my cheeks. “He’s just being kind because he was the one who found me and Theo.”
“You don’t see how he looks at the two of you,” Marge states as she burps Theo, repeating words she’s said to me before.
I’m actually impressed because she managed to feed him and herself, something I have yet to accomplish. I watch as his little milk drunk face settles against her neck, his fingers clutching the neck of her shirt as he falls asleep.
“I’m never getting involved with another man again,” I rebut.
Laugher rolls through the room as Grace, our house mother opens and closes her mouth several times.
Finally, she says, “I think, once you realize that what happened to you wasn’t your fault, you’ll be willing to open your heart again to someone else.
You could do worse than BamBam, Livy. While the Kings skirt the law in a lot of ways, they’re loyal to those under their protection.
Giving him a chance isn’t a bad thing.” Again, they’re saying things I’ve heard them say before.
I guess they're hoping it’ll sink in, but I’m still in flight mode from my last romantic involvement and am not willing to put myself in that circumstance again.
I know Jasper is the one to blame for his actions, but I’m not exactly blameless because I didn’t protect myself from him.
“I need to be on my own for a little bit,” I insist, knowing it’s the truth. “I went from my parents’ house to Jasper’s, and y’all know how that worked out for me.”
“Fine, get yourself a place and a job, but get to know him while you’re busy rebuilding your life,” Marge replies, her facial expression stern.
Out of all the women here, I expected her to be the last one to encourage me to dip my toes into the dating pool “Because I think every one of us wishes we had a man who looked like he’d slay our dragons for breakfast before he even had his coffee. ”
I sit back in my chair as I think about BamBam.
He’s stopped by a few times, always with things he thinks Theo might need, although he usually brings me something as well.
Plus, the fact that he thought enough of me to offer me a job and a place to live tells me that he understands I have to do things on my own, at least for a short time, anyhow.
Because my parents gave me the golden example of what a good relationship looks like.
While Dad was the primary breadwinner, my mom worked as a teacher because of her love for kids and education.
They weren’t able to have any more children after Mom had me, so I grew up in a household where the door was always open to my friends, or even kids who needed a place to stay for a bit.
And even though Dad worked, when he was home, my folks worked together to take care of the house, me, and their other adult responsibilities.
I grin when I remember how many times, I’d come into the kitchen to see my dad dancing with my mom.
She would try to protest, only for him to laugh and remind her that if dinner burned, he’d just take us out to eat.
I saw not only their mutual respect for one another, but also the love they had, not just as a couple, but as my parents.
I never felt like I was an afterthought, and while I know they probably had their moments because all couples have them, they handled them with grace and understanding.
So, when I moved in with Jasper and suddenly I was made to feel incompetent, at first, I tried harder.
I didn’t understand then what I know now; some men aren’t meant to be part of a couple.
The verbal abuse, which I finally acknowledged was what started it all, came at a time when I was grieving the loss of two of the best people I ever knew.
By the time I recognized it for what it was, I was beaten down, so when the slaps started, I figured I must’ve deserved them.
“Earth to Livy,” Grace says, interrupting my thoughts. “Where’d you go, sweetheart?”
She may be our house mother, but she’s got her own psychology degree, which is one of the reasons she’s doing what she does for Hope House.
Beth helps us break down where things went wrong so we can eradicate the false belief systems we had about ourselves, while Grace reinforces it with her motherly advice.
“I was thinking about my parents,” I admit wistfully. “I know they weren’t perfect because nobody is, but in reality, their relationship set the bar for what I wanted.”
“Then they died and that went to hell,” Marge murmurs, looking straight at me. “Because you were forced to live with him. And he broke you down while you were hurting, which probably wouldn’t have happened if they hadn’t died.”
“You’re right. I broke up with him in high school for a reason, but when Mom and Dad passed away, I had nowhere to go. They were both only children and my grandparents that were still alive were too old to take me in. I felt caught between a rock and a hard place.”
“Still, you got out of that situation and while you have lifelong mental scars from what he did to you, you had a good foundation from your parents to use as the litmus test for future relationships,” Ashley states.
“I agree with Marge, which is a shocker, I know,” she teases, sticking her tongue out at Marge when she glares at her, “because I think BamBam is going to be yours and Theo’s future, Livy. ”
Before I can respond, the doorbell rings. “I’ve got it,” Grace says, taking the potential threat against me seriously. “Y’all go ahead and clean up the kitchen so we can head out.”
“Thank you for taking me shopping,” I say as BamBam pulls into the parking lot of a huge strip mall. It’s got every kind of shop I might need, from the department store at the end, to a craft store and everything in between.
My list isn’t too big, but Theo needs new clothes and he’s gone up a size in his diapers.
My plan is to grab a couple of totes so I can sort through his stuff.
I want to keep a few things, of course, but the bulk of it is going to be left at Hope House for future residents who might have a need.
I also need a few things for myself, including personal care products.
I ran out last month, but that time is quickly approaching, so regardless of any embarrassment I might feel, I have to go to that section of the store.
“You’re welcome. Figured once we were done shopping, I’d show you the apartment over the laundromat, as well as the place where you’ll be working,” he replies.
“It’s okay for me to start working?” I ask, somewhat shocked.
“Jasper and his friends have left, but we’re not gonna presume that they’ll stay gone,” he says. “Instead, Pokey is increasing the security, and I’ll be teaching you how to defend yourself.”
I grin a little because the cast iron skillet did work, after all. Still, Jasper’s a lot bigger than me, and while I’ve been slowly regaining all the weight I lost, I’m no match against him. “Okay. I want to learn that because I can’t always guarantee a heavy object will be nearby.”
He snorts as he parks the truck we’re in, then he helps me out before he undoes the buckles on the carseat so he can carry Theo. Seeing my little boy snug against BamBam’s chest sends a flutter of something I refuse to acknowledge through my body, and I’m smiling as we walk into the store.
“We can use one of the carts that has a built-in seat for him,” I say.
“I’m good, Livy. Now, where do we need to go?” he asks as we walk through the automatic sliding doors.
“I uh, I’ve got to go to the health and beauty section first,” I admit. I figure if I bury those things at the bottom, maybe he won’t notice.
“Then lead the way,” he teases. “Gotta teach Theo how to shop with a woman. Start ‘em early and they’ll never complain. Much.”