Chapter 24
CHAPTER
TWENTY-FOUR
Olivia
“I really like him, Beth,” I confide.
It’s been several weeks since BamBam spent the late afternoon with me, getting me hooked on a silly comedy called Ghosts.
Since then, he’s taken me and Theo to the park, then had Marge watch Theo while he took me for a ride on his bike, and he’s shown me in a multitude of ways that I’m deserving of everything good that’s currently in my life.
“From what I know of the club and his reputation, he’s a good guy.
I mean, I’ve heard about the rumors that surround the club, of course, but in reality, the good they’ve done and are doing for the community means more and outweighs anything bad they could potentially be involved in,” Beth replies.
“However, I hear a ‘but’, do you want to talk about that today?”
“How did you pick up on that?” I ask, emitting a snort because I swear, she’s a mind reader. “I mean, there is one and to me, it’s a big one.”
“Livy, go ahead and tell me however it needs to come out. Don’t worry about saying it perfectly, okay?” she states.
“Okay, alright,” I mutter as my face reddens. “He makes me feel things, Beth. And I don’t know what to do with those feelings.”
“What kind of things?” she gently probes.
“Aside from the obvious where I instinctively know he’ll protect me with every last breath in his body, when he’s near, I have butterflies.
The simplest touch has me wanting… more, I guess.
But more of what? I don’t have a good frame of reference when it comes to intimacy because of Jasper, but I remember before he came into my life how it felt to have a crush on a guy.
Only, what I feel for BamBam seems like it’s more than that.
It exceeds that simplicity, it’s deeper and more consuming.
I can see him in my life if that makes sense. ”
“It makes perfect sense. He hasn’t made it a secret as far as how he feels about you, Livy.
All he’s doing is allowing you the time you desperately need to heal.
He’s also not telling you what his intentions are, he’s showing you with every outing, with every gift he drops by, and every glance and touch he sends your way. ”
“How do I tell him I’m ready for more? I mean, I don’t think I’m quite ready to make love to him or sleep in the same bed as him, but I want to kiss him, to feel his arms around me. I want… dang it all, I can’t find the right words!”
Frustrated, I huff out a breath, which makes Beth laugh. “Sounds to me like your subconscious is telling you that you’re ready. Not only that, but I suspect BamBam is the type of man who’ll let you set the pace. At least the first time, that is.”
My face is now flaming as I think of the times I’ve ridden behind him, my arms wrapped around his solid, muscular body. Just remembering how I felt then has desire coursing through me, which is so foreign, I don’t really know how to handle it.
Still unsure about how to act, I ask, “So, do I tell him or show him?”
“Honestly?” At my nod, she continues. “Let the situation itself guide you, Livy. Y’all are both consenting adults and while your past was horrific, it seems as though BamBam wants to give you the world. Follow your gut. Your instincts won’t steer you wrong.”
“But what if… what if Jasper comes back and ruins everything?” I whisper, fear now choking me.
“If he’s foolish enough to show his face around here again, I’m positive that BamBam and the Kings will thoroughly educate him about the error in his thinking,” she replies.
“Now, I know this weekend is the rodeo. Are you excited about going? There’ll be a lot of strangers around.
Is that something we need to talk through? ”
“Did I show you what Issy brought by for Theo to wear?” I ask, standing up and heading into his bedroom.
I come back into the living room, holding up the little outfit that’s made up of a western-style onesie, a pair of leather chaps, and a cowboy hat with a strap on it to keep it on his head.
There’s also a small pair of boots and I can’t wait to see how he looks once the ensemble is put together instead of in pieces.
“That’s got to be the cutest thing I’ve ever seen,” Beth muses, taking it in her hands to look at it more closely. “Now, what are you going to wear?”
“She brought me a club support T-shirt, so I’ll wear that, along with jeans and boots,” I reply.
“Plus, BamBam said that while he’ll be everywhere that day, there’ll be plenty of his brothers, as well as prospects, around keeping an eye on me as well as the girls from Hope House.
So, while I’m a bit nervous about there being so many strangers around, I’m not worried. ”
Beth bursts out laughing then says, “I suspect Marge is fully capable of handling anything that comes up on her own.”
Nodding, I reply, “She can, but I want her to enjoy the day too. She’s softening or something, and I know you can’t talk about your patients, but ever since she started working at the laundromat and mothering Buddy the way she’s been doing, she’s not as harsh and unapproachable as she was when I first met her. ”
“I’m glad to hear it. I want you to keep journaling and if there’s anything that comes up before our next session, call me, okay?
” she asks as she stands. After handing me Theo’s outfit, she leans in and gives me a hug before she picks up her purse and heads to the door of my apartment.
“You’re going to make it, Livy. I’m so proud of the work you’re putting in to overcome what you went through. ”
“It hasn’t been easy,” I murmur as I follow her to the door so I can go back downstairs and get Theo.
“Nothing ever worth having is truly easy,” she replies.
After closing and locking the door, I follow her down and into absolute bedlam.
Someone apparently brought in a huge load of clothes that they need quickly.
Rush jobs are never any fun, as a matter of fact, they’re panic inducing.
Hearing Marge bark out instructions to Buddy, I move to one of the carts that’s ready to be folded and get to work.
Two hours later, we’re caught up, Buddy has cleaned the machines that were used, and I’m ready to go upstairs and take a nap since Theo’s due for one.
The hardest part about the therapy, for me, is it brings up feelings and emotions that replay in my head at night, making it difficult to sleep.
I know I have to go through it in order to overcome it, but the lack of sleep between the nightmares and dreams, and working all day long is catching up to me.
“You look like shit,” Marge says as she walks over with another basket that needs folding.
“Well, fuck you very much,” I retort. “Next to the night I had Theo, everything that Beth and I talk about has stirred up so much garbage that I’m sleeping like shit, to be honest.”
“Why don’t you head on upstairs and take the rest of the day off,” Marge suggests. “Buddy and I have it handled, and you wanna be ready for the rodeo tomorrow.”
Sighing, I nod, setting the folded towel on the counter. “That sounds like a great idea to me. Sorry I snapped at you.”
“Girl, the fact that you did it says a lot about how much the therapy is helping. Maybe not with your sleep, but you know it’s going to get easier,” she replies. “Because just a month ago, if that, you wouldn’t have said a word.”
I shrug, too tired to care at this point.
Therapy days always wipe me out. Picking Theo up from the playpen in the office, I wave to Buddy then head to the back and the stairs that’ll lead me to my apartment.
I definitely don’t want BamBam to see me with the bags I’m currently sporting, that’s for sure!
It doesn’t take long to get Theo settled for his nap, and I snuggle underneath the throw that Mongrel got me when they found me several months ago. With the television on low, the ceiling fan on high, and thoughts of BamBam in my head, I drift off into a dreamless sleep.