18. Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Eighteen
I follow Gwynee up to the bedroom as she continues to ignore me.
“Are you done throwing your little tantrum?”
“Keeping me safe doesn’t involve tracking my every move.” She lets out a huff and kicks off her sneakers.
“We’ve been over this, babe. I have enemies who will hurt you to get at me. You think it fucking feels good to be terrified that whenever you walk out the door, it could be the last time I see you.”
She does a slow blink. “Why would you think that?”
“The last time I laid eyes on Sissy’s mother, she was laying in a fucking ditch with one of her arms ripped off.”
She flinches at my words. “But that was an unfortunate accident. Not to mention an entirely different situation and you didn’t know that would happen. I understand wanting to protect me, but you’ve got to give me a little breathing room.”
“You’re right. For the record, I wasn’t tracking you. Kidd told me where you were. Do you forgive me?”
“For being overprotective? Yes. For telling me that if I want to be with you, that kids are off the table? No.”
“I told you how I feel about that shit. I’ll be pushing fifty before long. Having another kid at my age would be selfish.”
“Or maybe you don’t want to share me with anyone.”
“Is that so wrong? I just found you, baby, and I’ve already got twenty years of living on you. Who knows how many good years I’ve truly got in me before my heart gives out or someone gets the drop on me? What happens to you when I’m gone?”
“I’d hold on to every piece I had. I’d have a part of you and a part of me forever.”
“We’ve still got time to think about it. This isn’t a decision to rush into,” I tell her as calmly as I can without losing my temper.
“You say that like we have forever, but seconds ago, you were talking some bullshit about how you could die tomorrow. Newsflash, big guy. Any of us could be dead tomorrow. Nothing is promised.” She goes into the bathroom to get ready for bed and I remove my wet clothes.
The way her bottom lip wobbles as though she’s about to cry sends a pang of guilt slicing straight through my gut.
“Let’s not stress ourselves over what ifs.”
“Says the man who worries about my hypothetical demise every day.”
“Listen, things are tense right now, with Lucie and Sissy and everything else the club’s got going on. We’ll revisit this when things have calmed down.”
“And when will that be?”
“I can’t see the future.”
“No, you can’t. And apparently you don’t see a future for us in the long-term.”
“Having a child wouldn’t just be about preserving my legacy, baby. It would be creating a whole new life. A child that I might not be around long enough to watch grow up or help you raise.”
“But you might,” she argues, her voice filled with raw emotion as she slips under the covers. “Isn’t that a risk worth gambling on?”
I grind my teeth together as I contemplate her words. The vulnerability in her face nearly breaks me. Nearly has me ready to agree to at least the idea of taking in Lucie’s kid for a spell if that’s how things play out. But even then, I run the risk of her getting attached and her heart breaking when Lucie snatches the baby back.
There’s a lot of what ifs in each scenario.
“What do you suggest?” I ask, moving to sit on the edge of the bed, my hand reaching out to thread through her hair. “You want us to take in Lucie’s baby?”
“I don’t know. Maybe.”
“And what if Lucie gets clean, gets her act together, and wants the baby back? Then what?”
“We would have done a good thing to help out your niece.”
“Or we’ll have torn your heart to shreds, and you’d resent me for not having a child with you.”
She rolls onto her side and lets out a long yawn.
“I’m not saying no. Let’s just see where shit lands these next few months. Because right now we’re only going in circles.”
“Okay.” She offers me a faint smile and I know for now she’s no longer pissed at me.
“I think we just had our first big fight.” I move in for a kiss.
“Mhmm,” she moans into my mouth, and I cradle the side of her face in my palm.
“Love you, Gwynee.”
“Wh-what?” She sits up, staring at me like I’ve dropped a huge bomb on her.
“You heard me. Said I love you, woman.”
“You do?”
“I show you every day.”
“I suppose you do.” Her lips meet mine again and I roll over top of her.
“Does this mean we get to move onto the kissing and making up portion of our little quarrel?”
Her hand slides down the back of my shirt and gives it a yank at the hem. “Oh yeah.”
“Fuck. Like that right there.”
Gwynee grinds down on my cock, fucking me like getting me off is her favorite hobby. When I’m inside her, nothing else exists. Everything fades away.
Nothing matters but how damn good her cunt feels. I’m a complete goner. Maybe I should rile her up more often. She’s fucking feral for me tonight. She’s riding me as if she has something to prove. I’m just not sure if it’s me or herself she’s trying to convince. I know I crossed a line with her tonight, but I have no regrets. I’ll do whatever it takes to protect her. She’s my property whether she likes it or not. This is how it’s going to be as long as she’s my woman.
She rolls her hips in a circular motion. "Tell me again," she demands.
"Tell you what?"
"That you love me. I need to hear it while we’re connected."
"Look at me." I grab her hips, forcing her to stop her movements. "I love you, Gwynee. Probably more than I’ve ever loved another woman." I flips us so that I’m looming over her.
"Thank you."
"What’s going on?"
"Nothing." She reaches between us trying to guide me back inside her.
"Talk to me."
"I don’t want to talk."
"Do you not believe me when I tell you I love you?"
"I do but others have said those words to me before and each time it blew up in my face."
"You’re forgetting one very important detail."
"What?"
"None of those men deserved you. They didn’t know how to love you, but I do, baby. I do."
A lone tear trickles down her cheek and I kiss it away.
"I love you, Gwynee. I’ll tell you and show you a million different ways. But if you’re doubting the way I feel about then I guess I’d better start doing a better job."
"It’s not you. It’s my hang up. I know you love me."
"Do you really, though?"
"I do. Can we just get back to the showing part?" She strokes her hand up and down my cock trying to revive my erection.
"Yeah, babe. We can do that, if that’s what you want, but don’t ever fucking doubt the way I feel about you." I caress her face and kiss her soft and slow. I take my time with her, knowing that tonight she needs gentle. My woman needs me to make love to her. I’ve kept my wall up for damn long that I’m not good with emotions. I know how to fuck. Truth be told I think Gwynee’s the first I’ve ever made love to. Every relationship I’ve ever had has been about the physical aspect of getting off. Even when I was married there was no real love between us.
I’ve never known love until now.
My pace is languid but targeted as I thrust inside her, holding her gaze the entire time. I want her to feel what I do.
The way she loves me is unlike any other. Nothing or no one could compare.
Not in the past.
Not in the future.
She’s everything to me.
Fucking everything.
"Do you feel that, Gwynee?" I press her palm to my heart. "That’s all yours."