Forty-Two
FORTY-TWO
CHAOS
Eyes wide open, I stare up at the textured ceiling. At the exposed air vents and wires tucked against the structural beams. Is this what he did it for? Is this why my father turned on the club? Because for the first time in my life, I understand what it feels like to have something that would make you give it all up. Shit.
I scrub a hand over my face, careful not to disturb Vanessa. She breathes softly beside me, splayed on her stomach, arm tangled around mine to link us.
My cock stirs the longer I focus on her gentle sounds, her warmth, and the softness of her thigh against my hard one.
Fuck. Today is the big day for her, and I don’t want to wake her from this dream to face that nightmare.
It doesn’t seem fair.
I roll my head and reach across to the bedside table to feel around for my phone. Two new messages are waiting for me on the lock screen: one from Jinx and one from Circus.
I open my Vice President’s thread first.
How’s the detour going? Fang will call you later with the details of the catch-up with Taylor.
My mouth twitches as I re-read his words. We’ve been best friends since before our fucking voices dropped, wrestling each other on the clubhouse floor while our fathers worked. This tension between us has contributed to my stress lately, as flowery as that sounds. I miss my friend. It hurts thinking he hides his shit from me the same I did.
Why do we do this to ourselves?
Letting her sleep in before she gets up for the meeting. What was the vibe? We still on track?
I switch to Circus’s thread while I wait for Jinx to reply.
Ready to ride out when you are. Except for that Tap guy. Pretty sure you’ll find him in the hotel with you.
That so, huh? I grin, holding down the reaction button to give the message a thumbs up.
“What are you smiling about?”
I whip my head toward Vanessa and find her watching me with one sleepy eye open. “Pretty sure you ain’t the only one who’s gonna have trouble walking straight today.”
“What?” Her brow furrows, arms sliding away from mine as she pushes onto her elbows.
My eyes drop to her tits, pushed together between her arms. “The boys think Tap might have kept your aunt company last night.” I lift my gaze and find her with one eyebrow raised.
“She has no idea what she’s getting herself into.”
I chuckle as Jinx’s response vibrates my hand. “Pretty sure she’ll have a thorough idea after last night.”
Good indicators. Tell Vanessa we’re all backing her.
Why the fuck is it suddenly so hard to swallow?
“What’s the matter?” My woman shifts, moving to rest her arms on my chest, shifting our faces closer.
I peer down my nose at her, at every detail of her delicate freckles across her cheekbones, down to the bronze flecks in her eyes—so clear this close. “Nothing.” And I mean it with my whole chest.
My fear kept me from sharing my infatuation with Vanessa with my brothers. What a stupid fucking thing that was. I believed they’d judge me. That telling them I prized something so highly would equate to a president who didn’t give a fuck about his club anymore.
That the distrust Jinx alluded to would spread.
I’d be voted out.
Exiled within our walls and eventually lose my home. My family.
And you worry you’re just like your father… Fuck. Sure—I can’t imagine a future without Vanessa now. But I also can’t stomach the idea of leaving the one true family of mine behind.
Fuck my father. Forget about my absent mother.
The people I need are all around me. Always. No matter what I do or say.
Their love is unconditional, only asking to be reciprocated. And it could be that way for Vanessa, too.
We would be good for her.
“You know,” I say, adding a little gravel to my voice. “When you’re this close, you may as well get on top and show me how you plan to take charge today.”
Her smile fades, eyes shuttering as she moves away and pulls herself up. Fuck it. I referenced that one too close to the sun.
“Shit. What time is it?” Ness reaches for her phone, tapping the screen. “I should probably get ready.”
“Babe.”
Her hair frames her face perfectly when she turns to look at me, seated cross-legged beside me. “Chaos.”
“You’re strong enough for this.”
Her lips part, tongue wetting the flesh as she sighs. “I don’t want to have to be.” She slides softly off the bed, padding to the bathroom. The water runs a moment later.
I lie back with a sigh and stare at the ceiling again. Today’s gonna be hard. She’s got the emotional fuckery to get through, and I’ve got my work cut out for me holding her back from that cliff.
I’m strong enough to do it. I’d bear her weight until my muscles burned, tearing from the strain, and even then, I’d watch as my body broke down from the pressure only to keep her out of that black hole.
She’s lived her whole life with this cunt ruining her sense of self-worth. Her happiness.
It ends today. Once the will reading is complete, we deal with this the King’s way.
“You want a coffee?” I call across the room.
The tap shuts off, and she emerges at the door, still naked. Still beautiful. “I’ll probably just eat something dry. But don’t let that stop you from getting yourself one.” She moves to the slim closet and opens the mirrored door.
My reflection confronts me: wild hair, scruff on my jaw, and tanned, tattooed skin contrasted against the crisp white sheets.
She shuts the door again, holding a long dress, jeans, and some semi-see-through top in one hand. “What do you think is more appropriate?”
“What message are you trying to convey?” I stretch one arm behind my neck to prop my head up and run a hand over my stomach.
Her lids droop, breath pulled between parted lips. “Um.” Ness closes her eyes, brow pinched as she fights for her words. “I don’t want to give him a reason to pick a fight with me,” she says, lifting the jeans/top combo, “but I also don’t want him to think I still follow his demure bullshit rules.” She raises the dress.
“So, pick a fight.” I shrug. “You’ve got us there to back you up.”
She sighs, studying the jeans combo. “I don’t like confrontation.”
“Ain’t a reason to let him win.”
Her eyes find mine, and she nods. A single, firm movement. “You’re right. Fuck him.”
There’s my girl.
“Give me fifteen, and I’ll be ready.”
I screw my mouth up and bat my morning glory with one hand. “Yeah. Me too.”
“Fuck’s sake, Chaos…” She chuckles, moving the dress back to the closet.
“I mean, you could always help me with it and speed things up.” I give her my best puppy dog eyes when she closes the door again.
“My heart rate is high enough as it is, thank you.”
I scramble from beneath the sheets and snare her by the wrist as she moves past the bed toward the bathroom. “Put that shit down and then get your ass up here.”
“I don’t want to have sex right now.”
“Who said I wanted to fuck you?” I wince at the words. “Yeah, okay. Of course, I do. But that’s not why I want you to lie down for ten minutes.”
She studies me for a moment, lips pressing tight. “Ten minutes.”
“Is all I want.” I back up and pat the mattress, suddenly aware my stiff dick is on display when her gaze drops and pink flushes her cheeks. “He’s staying the fuck out of this.” I hold a finger up and clamber off the far side of the bed to tug my boxers on, tucking my dick into the waistband.
She hangs her outfit on the door and climbs atop the bed with a sigh.
“On your back. Arms at your sides.”
She does as instructed, peeking at me in her periphery as I shuffle myself to her head. Legs splayed as wide as I can get them—a feat when I bulked in the off-season—I sit above her, Vanessa’s head nestled in my groin. Why do I do this to myself?
I take her left hand and set it on her stomach, right on her chest over her heart. “Focus on your breathing.”
“You’re making me meditate?” She rolls her eyes back to try and see me.
“Shut your goddamn eyes, woman, and do it.”
She does so with a smile, amused by my turn in character. Shouldn’t judge a book by its cover. I witnessed Selena do this a lot those first years after we brought her back to the club. Tens of thousands in therapy bills over the years, and I don’t regret a thing because it gave me the incredible woman she is today.
And me the tools to help Vanessa now.
“Four seconds in, hold it, then six to eight seconds out.”
“I know how it works,” she says softly, slowing her breath.
“Good.” Don’t fuck it up. I lift my right hand, set my thumb to the tip of her nose, and stroke upward in a line to the middle of her forehead.
She sighs.
I repeat the action several times before using both hands to trace my thumbs along her cheekbones, from beside her nose to her ear. Again, Vanessa sighs, indicating that her parasympathetic system has taken over.
Yeah. I know a lot of shit that surprises people, given how I look at face value.
Her elbows nestle further into the bed, and her shoulders relax as I continue to gently massage her face, working my way outward with each stroke until, eventually, I relax her neck, pushing the tension out of her shoulders and down her arms.
I rest my palm beside hers, over her heart, and count the beats. “Feel better?”
She takes a moment to answer. Perhaps reluctant to break the spell. “Yeah. Thank you.”
She’s so incredible. So beautiful. And so mine.
I lean down, muscles aching in protest, and place my lips over hers, kissing her lightly. “You aren’t alone today.” I kiss her nose. “You’ve got me.” Between her eyebrows. “Your aunt.” Her forehead. “And my brothers.” I sit tall, cupping the sides of her face with my hands and running my fingertips from her jaw around the back of her head. “Nothing, and nobody will hurt you as long as I’ve got anything to do with it.”