Forty-Five
FORTY-FIVE
VANESSA
As soon as the door shuts, I flop face-down into the bed, all the composure I’d held in place with iron grit falling away to exhaustion. “Holy shit,” I mumble into the bedding. “Holy, fucking shit.”
I’ve done it. I’ve faced the fucking devil and survived.
“How are you feeling?” The bed dips beside me under Chaos’s weight.
A strong palm connects with my back between my shoulders, rubbing up and down rhythmically.
“Strung out but good.” I lift my head and crane my neck to look at him. “I just… When you…”
He swallows as though expecting the fallout. My anger at his behavior.
“Thank you.”
His hand stalls before resuming the soothing touch, brow dipping slightly. “Only wish I’d done it for you sooner.”
“But you were there now.” I press up on my elbows. “That’s what matters.”
“You aren’t mad that I said what I did?” Chaos gently shifts my hair from my face.
I roll to my side and set a hand on his jean-clad leg, walking my fingers along the muscle below. “I mean, it sounds so much better coming from you, don’t you think?” I peek up at his face and find a grin. “I wouldn’t have sounded half as scary.”
“I meant it.” He coaxes me to roll to my back, positioning himself over the top, elbows braced on either side of my face. “I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you safe. There’s no fucking line I won’t cross.”
I set my hand to the side of his face. “I know.” And I do. I understand just how dangerous Chaos’s love can be, and I want that.
I fucking crave it.
“I can’t believe Gage was there.” My throat thickens, words hard to form.
“Neither.” Tender fingers sweep the hair from my forehead as he studies my face, gaze settling on my lips. “But can we talk about that later?”
I sigh.
“Right now,” Chaos rumbles. “I want to reward my good girl.”
Sparks fire, heat rushing south. I never knew I needed him to say that until he did. Those were words Abraham used as he harmed me. Words shaped as weapons forced into my young mind.
Hearing them from Chaos? A man I adore and trust.
It heals something inside of me.
It takes the power away.
“Call me that again,” I whisper, thumb caressing his bottom lip.
“Good girl?”
I close my eyes.
“Baby, you’ve always been my good girl.” He kisses one cheek. “From the moment I first saw you.” Then the other. “From the first night I watched you sleep, hands tucked beneath your chin, so fucking vulnerable yet strong.” He thumbs my mouth, tugging the bottom lip down. “You can do no wrong, Vanessa. Never in my eyes.”
“I look forward to testing that notion.”
He sighs as though awe-struck. “What are you telling me, pretty girl?”
“I’m telling you…” I draw a deep breath, noting the feel of his arousal pressing against me. “That when we get home, I hope you plan to keep up what you started.”
He smirks, fingertips tracing the shape of my brow.
“That I want to know you’re always there, Chaos. That whenever I need you, I don’t need to look far.”
“I’ll always be where you need me, babe.”
“Promise?” I breathe the word.
He nods. “If I break my word, I break my heart, Ness. I ain’t fucking around.” He searches my gaze before adding, “You’re all there is for me. End game, baby.”
End game.
“Where did you come from?” I whisper.
This absolute paradox. This midnight promise.
The physical embodiment of unconditional love.
“Your wildest dreams.” He grins.
It’s infectious. I burst into a fit of giggles, knocking his chest as best I can with my fists when he’s this close. “You clown.”
“Your clown, baby.” He rears back, hoisting me beneath the hips to toss me further up the bed. “Want to know something else that’s funny?”
“Sure.” I can’t help but match his smile. “Lay it on me.”
“Despite the stunt I pulled putting these in your house,” he thumbs to the device on the table. “I’ve never fucked anyone on camera.”
“Chaos,” I say. “I think most people haven’t fucked on camera.”
“Yeah.” He thumbs his chin. “But we ain’t most people, are we?”
“What are you saying?” My nipples pebble, blood rushing to my clit at the sheer thought of what he proposes.
“I’m saying.” He leans across to angle the camera better. “This moment is too precious not to keep a record of.” Chaos removes his cut, hanging it in the closet before shedding his T-shirt. “I want to be able to look back at what happens next and remember how fucking good it felt to celebrate your freedom by doing whatever the fuck we wanted.” His hands trace from his pecs to his stomach, asshole well aware of what the sight does to me. “How we want.”
“You just want your own personal porno.” I lift an eyebrow in challenge.
“Why not?” He shrugs. “Hottest shit I ever seen is right here, right now. Right in front of me.”
“I want it too.” My legs tremble as he approaches.
Chaos nods to the camera. “If you ever change your mind, I delete it. No questions asked.”
“You talk as though I’m not going to fuck myself to the vision later and then send you the evidence.”
He hisses a breath between his teeth. “Fuck, baby. You promise?”
“I ain’t fucking around.”
He leans forward and tucks his fingers in the waist of my jeans, jerking me toward him. I squeal, bouncing on the bed as he removes my clothing.
“Gonna fuck you so good.”
He tugs my jeans down my legs, swearing when he realizes he has to remove my boots first. “Thank fuck they’ve got zips, Ness.” The Docs hit the floor, my jeans swiftly following. “I’ve been waiting too long for this to fuck around with laces.”
I wrestle out of my top, shedding my bra soon after.
Chaos strips at the same time, his body on fine display as he bends at the waist to take his jeans off. I lick my lips. Those fucking shoulders. My kryptonite. Always.
“You trust me?” He stalks over me, forcing me to lie down again.
I stare into his beautiful eyes and nod. “Always.”
“Then trust when I say I’m clean.” He dips his head, suckling at my breast. “Haven’t been with anyone for a long fucking time, Ness.” Lathes the other with love. “It’s like the Universe knew I needed to wait for you.”
“You’ve read my journal.” He knows how long it’s been for me.
How invasive my yearly check-up is.
“It makes sense why I never bothered dating,” I say with a laugh as he kisses his way down my stomach.
Mis-matched eyes stare up at me. “Why’s that?”
“Because nobody was you.”
His lips twitch, almost like he’s too shy to accept the compliment. “Woman…”
“Just fuck me, Chaos.”
His thick fingers find my center, and he teases me, spreading the arousal already waiting before pushing two fingers inside. “No foreplay?”
“What do you call me sucking your cock yesterday?”
“Hot.” He pulls his fingers free to have a taste. “So sweet.”
I hook my knee under his arm, pulling him forward so that he’s forced to lie face-to-face with me. “I’m serious, Chaos. I need to know I’m more than a conquest for you. A challenge.”
He searches my gaze, thumbs caressing my cheeks. “You conquered me first, enigma. You had me beat from the start.” He pushes inside, never once breaking my gaze.
I gasp at his size, second-guessing the choice to forego foreplay, and he stills.
“Okay?”
“Did I say stop?”
His chuckle is downright sexy when he pulls back and slams home again, rocking me on the bed.
There’s no gentle build-up with our love. No tip-toeing around the heart of the matter.
We were infatuated from the start, headfirst into this madness hand-in-hand, so it only makes sense to be brutally blunt about it all now.
I grasp at his shoulders as he fucks the last of my doubts out of me. As he shoves home his intent, murmuring praise as the sweat builds on his chest.
“Fucking knew you’d take all of me like the good girl you are.” He pulls back, staring down at where our bodies connect, slowing the roll of his hips. “You should see how good this looks, Ness. Fuck, you’re creaming so hard.”
He doesn’t play fair. But I wouldn’t take it any other way. “Come, Chaos.”
He snaps his head up, pinning me with his gaze before resuming his punishing assault on my body. I relish every snap of pain that breaks through the pleasure, every bruising grip of his hands as he moves my legs higher, changing the angle.
“Only gonna come when you have, pretty girl.”
I don’t need any more encouragement.
I break apart, safe knowing that he’ll be there to catch all the pieces as my orgasm rips through me, legs quivering with my release. His growl when he follows is a balm to my soul.
Peace of mind for my fears.
And I know it’ll be the sound I replay most when I watch the recording later.