Chapter 26 #2
I roll back my head, twisting it to get out the kinks I’d gotten courtesy of three people spending the night on a cramped queen-size bed.
Not that I’m complaining. At that moment, it had felt absolutely right.
But now Ace has asked me a direct question, and I have to think about how to answer.
I could delay it, just say his mom was totally different, or I could give him the truth.
If he’s old enough to get kidnapped and come out the other side relatively unscathed – oh, I’m sure he’ll have his moments and flashbacks that he’ll have to learn to deal with – it’s time he knew the truth.
Look where keeping that shit locked away had gotten me.
I shift back on the bed, lean against the headboard, and link my hands in my lap. Fuck Bullseye, he’s just going to have to wait.
“Josie wasn’t the love of my life,” I admit. “I wasn’t really there for much of the relationship. I wasn’t just an Army grunt on normal tours. Remember, I was a Delta operator.”
Though he knows that already, Ace’s eyes widen. “Cool.”
“Yes, it was cool.” And hot, uncomfortable, bloody. It really wasn’t very glorious at all. It was challenging, and the reward came with getting the job done. But I keep that part quiet and focus on how to broach my relationship with his mom. “I was absent more times than I was with her…”
I continue the story, telling him everything he deserves to know about how he was brought into the world, and how, with no fault of my own – except as far as I’d previously committed to serve as an operative for the requisite three years, with the expectation I’d be in uniform until retirement – I wasn’t able to be there for her late pregnancy, or his birth.
When it comes to explaining that, unbeknownst to me, she was bipolar, he startles.
And then I complete the sorry tale, just changing it slightly, presenting her death as an accident in the midst of the confusion that ensued that night.
He really doesn’t need to know his dad was responsible for killing his mom, however unintentional.
He’s quiet when I finish, and I allow him the space to process my words.
“Did you even like her?”
“Son, I moved her into my apartment. First time I ever let a woman get close. Would we have stayed together? Well, I admit I already had my doubts. But thinking back, it might have been due to her personality change when she was messing around with her medication.” I brush my hands down my face.
“She was lively, vivacious. She had this joy of life. Until she didn’t.
” I shrug. “I thought it was something I’d done, or that she was pulling back from our relationship.
Maybe I never really had a chance to know the real her.
One thing I do know is that she wanted you, Ace.
She loved you. It was only her lack of management of her condition that sent her off the deep end.
If she’d been in her right mind, she’d never have harmed you. ”
“Is Toni bipolar?”
“Not that she’s ever been diagnosed,” I respond truthfully. “I was worried about that, which was why I was reluctant, in the beginning, for you to get to know her. I had Pippa look into her medical records. There was nothing there.”
“My autism comes from Mom, doesn’t it?”
I can’t lie. “The chances are that it does. But that doesn’t make you less of anything, Ace. It makes you more.”
He huffs and rolls his eyes. “Yeah, I’m super-intelligent and an idiot at the same time.”
I push up on my knees, place my hands on either side of his head, and wait until he meets my eyes.
“I said I was proud of you and I fuckin’ meant it.
Last night, when the chips were down, you didn’t use the skills you have.
You knew you shouldn’t hack into the Kings’ shit.
Even when they tried to use Toni to persuade you, you stuck to your guns.
That takes guts and bravery, Ace. And more, shows you were thinking about the repercussions.
” I chuckle softly. “I think Pippa’s rubbed off on you. ”
“She’s going to hate me.”
I can feel a V forming between my brows. “Pippa? Why the fuck should she?”
Looking sheepish, he admits, “Because I left a back door open in our database, so I could get in if I was ever locked out, and even if passwords were changed.”
I exhale deeply. Fuck, we’d thought we were safe because Pippa had sewn everything up tight.
Another “if” that I can’t bring myself to think about.
“Not saying I expect you to get kidnapped again, kid, but any access Pippa and Genie don’t know about is a possible weakness.
I suggest you reverse whatever you’ve done. Just in case.”
“You’re not going to tell Pippa?”
He idolises her, I know. “If you tell me you’re going to correct it, then there’s no reason anyone else should know.”
Again he swivels and changes the subject. “Dad, did you mind that I went to Trixie last night? You told me to stay away from her.”
Ace takes everything literally. “Kid, adults get shit wrong all the time. And I was so fuckin’ wrong about her.
I’ll be man enough to admit I misjudged the situation.
” And that’s the understatement of the century.
The only thing that had ever guided her had been the safety of my son.
Even last night, she’d hidden her own pain and given her all to comforting him, rather than taking care of herself.
My statement seems to satisfy him.
“Dad?”
“Yeah?” I’m wondering what else he’s going to throw at me.
“I’m really hungry.”
I snort. Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me. He’s a teenager after all.
“Me, too, kid. Let’s go find something to eat.”
I stand and make my way to the door. As I open it, he stops me. “When are you going to stop calling me ‘kid?’”
“Never.” I laugh. “Not even when you’re fifty. You’ll always be my kid.”