Chapter 29
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
TRIXIE
Iknow what Freak’s going to say before he opens his mouth to let the words out, I can read these men as easily as any book.
The glint that’s appeared in his eye tells me he intends to take me up to his room.
And once there, well, I know he thinks he has a debt to repay, so he’ll take it slow, use those talented fingers and dick of his – that after five years I really should have forgotten, but I remember every detail – to make me feel good before taking his own pleasure.
I know this, his thoughts are written all over his face.
He’ll do all that because I saved his son by putting a tracker on him, but I wasn’t thinking of Freak when I did so. I was thinking of Ace.
Last night, I hadn’t expected him to allow Ace to stay in my bed, let alone have him join us in it.
I’d needed that, and so had Ace. We’d shared a distressing experience, both mentally and physically exhausted, both loathe to be alone.
For Freak to stay too – well, I hadn’t exactly read anything into it, but I’d felt, perhaps, he’d needed us too.
And I was content with that, knowing to hope for anything more would only lead to disappointment.
Then, just now, we’ve had a real conversation.
I was happy to lend a supporting ear, especially as I could see he was tense, and looking like he was at war with himself about something he’d done, or needed to be doing.
Not being stupid, I’d already noticed Toni wasn’t around, and the prospect had left his post guarding the room she’d been staying in.
She was either gone or dead, and while I hated her and the havoc she’d wrought, as I’d told Freak, she didn’t deserve to die.
And when he’d told me the deal he’d made for her, in my view, he’d done the right thing.
Our conversation had brought us closer. For me, I was happy if he could be my friend, but he’s a man, programmed to have sex on the brain.
His go to response, he’s going to offer to fuck me.
As if a pure physical release could make everything better.
Instead it would hurt, after that kiss, after that shared night, after everything that I’ve been through.
I shouldn’t want more, I can’t help it if I do.
If I go to his bed, I’ll end up falling deeper.
I know there’s no fucking chance he’ll ever think of me as anything other than a whore, but God help me, I want him to look at me differently.
I want him to see me, and not as just an available pussy.
While I’m certain, if I went with him, he’d go out of his way to make me feel good, I’ll feel soiled when he sends me away, alone once again.
If I go with him now, it will be a night my heart won’t survive.
I’ve made the most fatal mistake a club girl can ever make. I’ve fallen head over heels for a patched member.
He’s still holding my hand with almost a lover’s touch, I pull mine away. Before he can speak, I stand. “I know you’ve got to go and check up on Ace.” Ignoring the way his jaw tenses, I move away from the table, intending to go to my room where I can mope in peace.
But the table we’re sitting at is at one end of the clubhouse, and to reach my destination, I have to traverse the whole of the room. I’m passing the pool table when Rattler steps in front of me.
“Hey, Trix. You’re with me tonight, okay?”
Now there’s only one thing worse than going to bed with Freak, it’s to be forced into somebody else’s.
Rattler’s quite in his right to demand the attentions of a club girl.
While we’re not forced if we don’t feel up to it, we wouldn’t last long if we didn’t put out on the regular.
I’ve got a decision to make, hang on for something that will never happen, and risk losing the protection this club offers, or to suck it up, accept my dreams of Freak are all in my head, and go to Rattler’s, or whoever else wants me, bed.
What have I got left if I have to walk away from the Kings?
Absolutely nothing. I’m no better off than when I first escaped from my husband.
Perhaps I could ask to be left alone for just one night, but then I’d have the same problems tomorrow.
A club girl will never become an old lady.
Or even have an exclusive relationship with a patched member.
Least of all Freak, who’s just had his fingers burned in the worst of ways.
Betrayed once, he won’t be too quick to look at another.
By doing this, there won’t be any coming back. Me encouraging, or just agreeing to Rat’s demands, will mean I’ll have lost any minuscule chance I have with Freak. Even now I can still feel his eyes burning into me. Maybe that’s for the best, to call a halt to my foolish dreams.
But why did it have to be Rattler? The man’s got no redeeming qualities.
As a fuck he’ll be quick, looking to satisfy no one but himself, then, once he’s got off, maybe he’ll thank me, or maybe not, before showing me the door immediately after.
And what’s up with his hair? That stupid rat tail he had, has, at least, been cut off, but he’s growing the rest of his shorn hair out, and now, quite frankly, resembles some kind of demented hedgehog.
I’ve got to go through with this.
I’ve been lost in my head. I come back to my senses to see Rattler cupping his dick, and telling his pool playing brothers that he’s got some important fucking matters to attend to, and adding a few more lewd insinuations that I don’t care to remember.
My heart sinks, I feel sick to my stomach.
And then he makes the mistake of putting a claiming arm around my waist and pulling me in tight.
I can’t help it. I scream.
But now the screeching that follows comes not from me, instead it’s from Rattler. He’s the one on the ground clutching his stomach, and Freak’s standing over him looking like an avenging warrior, his expression daring him to try to get up.
“What… the… fuck.., Bro?” Rattler gasps as he stares up at the enforcer.
Woody takes his shot, then places the tip of his pool cue against the floor, using it as a crutch. He eyes Freak, then chuckles. “Looks like you’re out of luck, Rat. The enforcer’s got dibs on her tonight.”
“Think it’s more than that, Bro.” Piston is looking at me oddly.
“I’ve been watching them cosying up all night at the table in the corner.
I reckon he’s gone sweet on her.” He frowns as if he can’t understand it.
I’m older than the other girls, but I’m not that bad, am I?
I’ve tried hard to keep in shape, and the mirror tells me I’m at least passable.
“Hey, you can’t keep a club girl to yourself unless you ol’ lady her, otherwise you have to share,” Paint contributes.
Freak glowers at them all. “I’m not fuckin’ sweet on anyone.
She’s got bruised ribs,” he states coldly, adding, “from protecting my son. She’s in no position to be fucked by you.
” He glares down at Rat, then raises both his eyes and his voice to encompass the room to get his message across. “Or anyone else until she heals.”
“Fuck, Bro, I didn’t know.” Whether Rattler’s really contrite or just pretending, I can’t tell. And I’m the one he should be apologising to, not Freak. Then he stands, and a gleam comes into his eyes, as he leers at me. “Sucking my cock won’t hurt your ribs…”
Freak launches at Rattler, his hand around Rattler's neck, pushing him hard against the wall. From the way Rat’s face is reddening, he’s throttling him. I notice Paint, Woody, and Piston exchange worried looks, then move forward as if to try to pull Freak off his victim.
But Freak stops just short of doing real damage. With his muscles bunching he shoves his victim away, letting Rat go sprawling. Again finding himself on the floor he looks warily at the enforcer, gulping and rubbing his sore throat.
“Anyone who puts their life on the line for the club deserves respect, especially club property,” Freak announces.
“Yeah, I’ve got a soft spot for the bitch.
She got hurt in my son’s rescue. She deserves to have a break before she gets back to whoring for us, and I know Bullseye would agree with me. ”
Paint holds up his hands. “Hear what you’re saying Freak.” And by their mumbles, I take it Piston and Woody concur. I notice none of them go to help Rat.
My arms protectively go around my sore ribs, Rat’s rough embrace had really hurt me.
But what pains me worse are the words I hadn’t expected from Freak.
Bitch. Club property. I’d been brought down to earth by his dismissal of what I do for the club as just being a whore.
It’s like a bucket of cold water thrown over me.
Of course, I knew club girls didn’t get together with patched members.
We’re the ones most unlikely to become an old lady.
But even though I truly did everything for Ace, with no thought about my actions influencing his father, I’d started to think Freak and I were beginning to get close.
Exhibit one, the way that he’d kissed me.
Now he’s giving me a dose of stone-cold reality.
I knew it. Had only just been thinking it.
And now he’s confirmed it. This is really what he thinks of me.
I’m fucking stupid to think I’d ever be anything else.
As I start to sidle away, I feel a hand on my wrist. Glancing up I see Freak. My eyes silently plead for him to let me go.
“Go see Bronwyn and get more painkillers. Then go rest. These assholes won’t bother you.” He’s dismissed me.
What’s worse, as I walk across the clubroom, I hear Freak’s voice again. “Hey, Star, get up to my room. I’ll be there in a moment.”
Don’t let tears fall. Or not until I’m in the privacy of my room. The growing connection I’d felt between him and me had been all in my head. He’s just summoned another club girl to his bed.
Behind me I hear the pool game restart, reassured that the enforcer isn’t losing his head over a whore, the natural order of things has been restored.