Chapter 2
CHAPTER
TWO
Icer
As time treks on, so does my internal struggle with anger.
The guys want me to get help to deal with all of my childhood trauma, but that’s not happening.
I don’t need anyone inside of my head rummaging around and dissecting me like I’m some sort of moldy science experiment.
No fucking thank you. Instead, they’ve come up with an alternative source that’ll supposedly calm my raging moods.
“Drugs. You want me to do what? Take a few pills and pretend that it fixes everything that’s fucked up in my head? That’s probably the most asinine thing you’ve ever said to me, Rip.”
“He’s fucking serious, Rip,” LoneStar teases.
“Wanna know how I know? Go ahead, ask.” When Riptide shakes his head in the negative, LoneStar sighs when the bait isn’t taken.
“No? You’re no fun, Rip. He’s strung more than two sentences together and is using big words such as asinine, so you know he means business. ”
I huff, rubbing the bridge of my nose to hold off the impending headache that appears anytime Indiana talks.
It seems all of my brothers have opinions and jokes when it comes to me and my mental health.
Well, screw them. I am who I am due to my cruel and inhumane upbringing—they can deal with it or fuck all the way off.
I don’t care either way, their thoughts and verbal slights don’t mean a damn thing to me.
Learned a long time ago that I don’t need anyone’s glowing review of me because their opinions are like assholes, everyone’s got one and at the end of the day, all they do is dispose of shit.
Instead of responding to Indiana’s teasing, I grunt.
“And now he’s back to being nonverbal with his words,” LoneStar remarks around a puff of air. “Didn’t mean to pull your chain, Ice man. But Rip’s right, we have to find something to help mellow you out. You’ve become a danger to society.”
I can’t deny or refute his accusation because it’s true.
I’m not a people person, they irritate me.
Even my brothers aren’t safe from my wrath.
It’s only gotten worse over time since Papa passed when his heart gave out and stopped beating.
He was my true north, and now that I’ve lost that guidance, my compass has gone haywire and systematically points in every direction under the sun.
If that’s not a mindfuck, I don’t know what is.
“I need you to make a run with Indiana,” Rip informs me. “To the mall.”
“To the what?” I ask, a full body shiver encompassing me, jarring my frame as I grind my teeth.
That’s a lot of people for me to navigate around.
“Why would you choose me for that? You know large crowds like that fuck me up. Especially seeing as it’s tax free weekend. That alone gives me murderous vibes.”
“Since when do I have to explain why I send one of my men out for an errand?” Riptide mutters out the question.
I roll my eyes because with me, you’d think that answer was glaringly obvious. “I’d think after all of the years you’ve spent with me, you’d know why.”
“Just take the goddamn drugs, Icer, and do as I said. I’m not in the mood to coddle you,” Rip snorts, sounding exasperated with me.
Fuck it, what’s it going to hurt? I’ll take the damn drugs and if I do something while on them, then I’ll let him reap the rewards from it.
As we ride through the streets, I notice Indiana is having a hard time averting his eyes from me.
Every time I shift my vision his way, his peepers are staring at me.
As we pull into the parking lot, I hear Indiana groan, but my sweet tooth has taken over my common sense and all I can think about is hitting the cookie shop.
“These little fuckers better not put a scratch on my ride,” Indiana hisses.
“It’s just paint, Indiana,” I remind him. His head snaps my direction as his eyes widen in disbelief.
After staring at me longer than I’m comfortable with, he scans the lot, asking, “You alright, brother?”
Feeling liberated and more alive than I ever have, I tell him, “I’m good.
I feel so fucking free.” I toss my arms out wide and spin in circles, taking in all the colorful hues surrounding me.
“The colors are fucking beautiful, aren’t they?
” I squint my eyes at him as he yanks out his phone with his fingers flying across the keys.
I ignore him, it’s not my fault he’s being a little bitch about how I’m reacting to my surroundings—I’m seeing things in a whole new light.
Bored with his attitude, I start skipping through the lot, letting the auras of things encompass me and enjoying every second of it.
Indiana mumbles something unintelligible beneath his breath before asking, “Jesus fucking Christ! Icer, man, what the fuck are you doing?”
Now he’s being dense. I’m ready to get my cookie fix on and I’m not going to let his sour mood affect me. He better be prepared to keep up with me because I’m feeling exuberant. “Did you know they have a cookie store in there?”
“Yeah, man, I did. Would you like to stop and get one?” His tone is a little snippety, but I pay him no mind. I know what I want and I’m on a mission to get it.
“Yes, I would,” I state, bobbing my head so he knows that I’m going no matter what he has to say about it.
“Alright, Icer. We’ll grab you a damn cookie before we hit the Harley shop. Do me a favor though—”
When he stops midsentence I turn on my feet and face him. “What’s that?” I ask.
“Walk, man. And could you, I don’t know, talk normal?” I’m not sure what he means by asking me to talk normally, to me, I sound the exact same as I do any other ordinary day.
“I am normal, Indiana. It’s you who needs to embrace life and smell the roses.”
“Oh, Jesus fuck. Somebody gave you too much Midol or something,” he grumbles.
“I don’t take that shit, Indiana,” I deadpan because I’m not one to pop pills known to help women with their menstrual cycles. It’s pussies like Indiana who need that shit. “Come on, I need a cookie and some coffee.”
As we hit the line, a little girl and her mother are in front of us. A tune she’s singing catches my attention, I recognize it from my childhood and suddenly, I want to give her a melody to sing it to.
“A whole new world,” the girl starts singing to my whistling.
Out of my peripheral vision, I notice how Indiana’s eyes bug out when he puts together what tune I’m whistling. Again, I notice his phone fly out of his pocket as he goes to one of his text threads.
Tattle tale.
“Elodie,” the mother snaps out her name. “It’s not polite to touch strangers.” That has my brows crinkling, I don’t like that she doesn’t want her kid touching me.
To nullify her, I use my friendliest voice and state, “It’s okay, ma’am. We have a common interest, don’t we, Miss Elodie?” The girl nods her head and I feel my heart thaw. She’s so damn cute I want to package her up and take her home with me.
“Did you know there’s a Disney store here?” Elodie asks me. “We’re going there next, do you wanna come?”
“Elodie!” her mother exclaims. “They probably have things to do themselves and they’re not going to want to traipse through what’s pretty much a store designed for kids!”
My protective instincts over this girl have skyrocketed and I don’t want her out of my sight. There are too many dangers in the mall that could swallow her up. She’s a tiny little thing. Her excitement is contagious so I shout out, “I’d love to go!”
“Yay! We’re going to Disney, Mama,” the girl announces, her hand now nestled in mine as we begin to swing them between us.
“I’m so sorry, she’s never met a stranger,” the mom says, before turning around. Once she does and Indiana’s eyes meet hers, they both freeze.
“Zoey? Is that you?” Indiana asks, his mouth flapping like a fish out of water.
“Harrison? Oh my, it’s been a long time,” she replies, her voice quivering as tears gather in her eyes. Now that makes me uneasy and I have to remind myself that Indiana’s a good guy, I don’t need to step between them and keep them apart.
“What’s wrong?” he asks Elodie’s mom, stepping forward and placing the palms of his hands on her shoulders. “What can I do?”
“It’s nothing,” she says, waving him off like he’s an annoying gnat buzzing around her. “It’s just a shock to see you after all this time.”
I ignore the two from there, not sensing any threats coming from either of them and bend down to the cutie beside me and point out the display case. With our noses pressed to the glass, she shows me which ones she wants and I point out my favorites.
“We’re getting our cookies, Mama,” Elodie says, breaking into the conversation between her mom and my brother.
“Yeah, then we’re heading to the Disney store,” I add, deja vu smacking me in the face when I pay closer attention to their stiff body language.
Whatever their history is, it’s not all sunshine and rainbows.
Zoey has demons in her eyes and Indiana has a look of rejection.
Both of them are defensive, which given my past, it makes me itch.
“You two stop looking so damn serious. Sorry, Elodie, for swearing. There’s fun to be had today! ”
The need to get Elodie away from the storm brewing between them, I grab our cookies and wrap my large hand around her tiny one, skipping her away from the duo so she doesn’t see what I do. She’s innocent and I aim to keep her that way.
I have a great day shopping with Elodie, my princess as I’ve dubbed her in my mind since she’s a classy little thing.
Diva-ish, I’ve never met a kid so carefree and unsullied before.
She still sees the good in everyone around her.
I’m gonna have to work on stranger-danger with her because not everyone out there will have her best interest in mind. Not like me.
We shop until we drop, almost literally.
We’ve hit the Disney and Harley store amongst others, when something caught her eye, we checked it out and nine-tenths of the time, got what she wanted—this girl will never have to wear the same outfit again day in and day out like I did at her age.
I’ll make damn sure of it. Kids are cruel and heartless, when they see someone struggling with something regardless of if it’s their clothes or family problems, they pounce and use it against them.