Chapter 17
CHAPTER
SEVENTEEN
Icer
Huh. I didn’t consider that. I have a special brand of laundry detergent that is homemade.
I suppose it’s a unique blend because I used my favorite smells when I mixed it.
It’s not overly masculine, but it doesn’t have any floral scents either so it’s not feminine either.
It’s a natural, breezy smell like fresh hung linen that’s been flapping in the wind under the sunshine.
Reminds me of a newborn baby’s scent. My skin is very sensitive so I have to use baby wash, shampoo, and lotion so I don’t break out into hives.
Zoey teases me often that I smell like a baby’s bottom.
Now that I’m thinking about it, I can see why.
Doesn’t mean I’ll advertise it, I still have a reputation to maintain and the guys would give me hell if they ever found out.
“Wasn’t trying to hide it from you, Letti,” I promise her. “I just didn’t want you to feel overwhelmed by being here instead of in one of our safe houses.”
“I believe you,” she says, winding a rubber band at the end of one of my braids she just finished, tying it off. “We’re three-quarters of the way done, I just have the left side to do and then I’ll spritz it.”
“And then what?” My question is open-ended because I’m asking about more than one thing and she knows it.
“We take it one step at a time,” she insinuates. “We’ll start things off by watching a few movies and talking about your trip, the damn bomb threats, and… us.”
“One step at a time,” I say, parroting her earlier words.
“Slow and steady,” she tacks on. “It’s the only way we’ll survive the unknown without driving ourselves crazy and win this race.”
“We’ll win,” I say, devotion and dedication laced in my voice. “I don’t like losing and I’ll lose my shit if I lose you.”
She giggles before patting my shoulder, saying, “I’m a sore loser too, Viking.”
“It’s why you’re my match, Letti. We’re likeminded and we’re both competitive as fuck.”
“To an extent,” she nonchalantly says. “I have to be highly passionate about something to go balls to the wall for it. Not everything is important to me and those are the things I can let go. But when it comes to you, that won’t happen.
You are the most important thing to me, Viking. I hope you know what you’re in for.”
“In for a penny, in for a pound,” I say, repeating the phrase the elders of the club used when I was a kid. “And ditto. You know me better than anybody does, Letti, so you have an idea how crazy and neurotic I can get when I want something. And I’ve never wanted anything more than I do you.”
“This is going to be a wild ride, Viking.”
“Don’t worry, Letti, I’ll make sure you’re outfitted for it,” I declare. “You won’t get a single scratch once I’m done.”
Entering the clubhouse the next day, I whistle and gather all of the men’s attention.
Once they stop talking and their focus is on me and me alone, I make an announcement.
“You fuckers didn’t think it was necessary to tell me that I was in a relationship?
A committed one? You all know my background, you all know that I’m ignorant to all things that go hand-in-hand with having a woman.
I could’ve hurt her and none of you outside of Riptide brought it to my attention.
I’m pissed in case you can’t tell. Y’all thought I was grouchy before, just you wait. Payback is a motherfucking bitch.”
I stomp back outside, letting the door fly shut and slam behind me.
Should I blame them for my shortcomings?
Probably not, but I do. Brothers are supposed to have each other’s backs, no matter what, and I feel like they’ve let me down and not had mine.
I may gripe and grunt but I’m always there for them when they need me.
I call them all types of an asshole when they’re acting like one, so why didn’t they return that favor for me?
I’m livid, irritated, and ready to shed some blood when Indiana, Slayer, Riptide, and LoneStar follow me outside. I turn on them and narrow my eyes at them, asking, “Why?”
“Because we didn’t want to freak you out,” Indiana defends. “You needed to see it for yourself and come to that conclusion on your own terms. It’s not for us to step into your personal business unless you invite us to.”
“If you remember, I didn’t point out your relationship status to you until you sat me down and asked me about it,” Riptide reminds me.
“When you ask for our help, we’ll give it to you without asking any questions.
You’re our brother, Icer, but you don’t do well with us stepping on your toes so we veer away from that as much as we can.
Nobody wants you to feel trapped because that’s when you lash out. ”
“We will always be here for you,” LoneStar declares. “But what we won’t do is put our noses where they don’t belong unless we think you’re endangering yourself or someone around you. We’ll always speak up and tell you the truth but we won’t manhandle you.”
All of my huffing and puffing deflates as I glance down at the ground and dig my toe into the dirt. I’m still mad, but now, it’s more at myself than anybody else. “I fucked up.”
“You didn’t fuck up,” Slayer swears, placing his hand on my shoulder in support.
Normally, I’d brush it off since I have an aversion to touch unless I’m expecting it, but this feels good and his hand is steadying me.
It feels like an anchor keeping me grounded.
“Nobody thinks or reacts to things the same way, Icer. Did Letti let on that she thinks you fucked up or that you hurt her?”
“Absolutely not,” I snap. My inclination is now and will always be to defend her and her honor. “She’s the most compassionate woman I’ve ever met. But she’d also never point it out when someone’s disappointed her or has fucked up. And I did… big time.”
“But you just said it better than any of us ever could when it comes to describing Letti, Icer. She’s compassionate, understanding, and would never presume anything negative, especially when it comes to you.
You didn’t fuck up or she would’ve made that known and you swore she didn’t. Right?” Indiana asks.
“Right,” I confirm. “But I still can’t get it out of my head that I did. How did I not see it?”
“Because until recently, you’ve never seen a relationship that’s not twisted, abusive, and domineering. Your dad and mom were poor examples of how relationships should be,” Riptide states.
“Nobody has the right answers, Icer,” Slayer pipes in and says. “Everyone is unique to the couple. We can’t tell you what’s right and what’s wrong, that’s for you and Letti to decide.”
“What we can do is be here when you need an ear to listen,” Riptide inserts.
“None of us have had great experiences with women until our old ladies came along. We’re still learning as we go.
My best advice is to talk to Letti about things as they arise.
Keep that line of communication open and when you’re feeling a certain way, reach out to her and don’t keep her at arm’s length or it could be disastrous.
It’ll have you second guessing everything you do and don’t do if you do that. ”
They’re all giving me good advice, things that I’m taking under consideration. But that doesn’t mean I won’t mess up. I can guarandamntee that I will because they’re right about one thing, I’ve never had a shining example to live up to. Instead, it was a brochure of things not to do.
Don’t hit your woman.
Don’t degrade her.
Don’t walk her around on a leash.
Don’t hide her from the outside world.
The list seems to be endless. My sperm donor, he all but destroyed my incubator.
I can’t even refer to them as my parents without wanting to gag.
They were toxic, poisonous, and I’m bound and determined that mine and Letti’s relationship and future is nothing like theirs was.
I won’t be detrimental to her health. If anything, I’m going to lift her up as often as I can.
With that decision made, I decide it’s time I find the two people that help me feel the sun on my face when my day’s been dreary.
“I’m going to see my princess and little man. Are they together?”
“Yeah. They’re at my house,” Riptide informs me. “Why don’t you run and pick up Letti and spend the day there. Van and Zoey could use the break.”
“Don’t mind if I do,” I tell them, pulling my phone out of my inner cut pocket and shooting off a text to Letti, letting her know I made plans for us.
“Uncle Icer!” Elodie squeals when Letti and I walk through the door, running and leaping into my arms. My princess gives the best damn hugs.
Little man lifts his head and gives me a gummy-filled smile, releasing a high pitched sound that has my ears ringing as he rocks onto his hands and knees and begins crawling toward me.
He’s moving like a torpedo, and it thrills me that I’m the reason for their excitement.
It makes me feel like the tallest man in the universe.
I point at Zoey and Van before tossing my thumb over my shoulder saying, “You two get gone. Go have a spa day or something.”
“You don’t have to tell me twice,” Zoey says, bouncing on her feet.
“Me either,” Van says as she rushes over to little G and plants kisses all over his face. “Mama’s going out, sir. You be good for your Uncle Icer.” Then she switches her attention to my woman and asks, “You coming with us, Letti?”
“You know what, I think I will. Is that okay with you, Viking?” she asks, her eyes pleading as she looks up at me.
Not able to deny her anything, I say, “Yeah, Goddess, I’m good with that.” Her eyes widen in shocked surprise when I call her that, but seeing as that’s been what I refer to her in my head and since we’re an us now, I think it’s a good idea to say it out loud instead of holding it inside.
“Goddess,” she whispers, taking it in.
“Am I your Viking?” I ask her, wanting to drive a point home.
“Yes,” she confirms.
“Then you’re my goddess of the sea. You keep me from drowning and in return, I’ll hold you to the esteem you deserve.”
“I think I just swooned,” Zoey says, fanning her face.
“Damn, Icer. You’re good. Wait until I tell Rush that he needs to take lessons from you,” Van teases. “He’s going to lose his shit and try to outdo you.”
“Ooh, yes! Harrison can’t stand it when I rant and rave over other men. He’ll take it as a mission to swoop me off my feet,” Zoey gushes.
I point at them and state, “Y’all leave me out of it. Find a different muse. I don’t want to have to beat the shit out of my club’s president and Sgt. At Arms.”
They laugh and giggle as they lock elbows with Letti and lead her out the door. I overhear them say, “Tell us everything.”