Chapter Twenty-Six
TWENTY-SIX
KYRA
Vanessa’s ceiling has been painted a lot. At first, I thought the bumps were where stipple was left behind during a previous renovation, but then I realized it’s the layers of roughly applied paint, the bumps where the thicker lines hadn’t been spread with the brush.
“You’ve been quiet for a while,” she says from the armchair near my feet. “Do you want to watch something else?”
“No. It’s fine.” Background noise for my rambling thoughts while I lie here on her sofa, hands folded atop my stomach.
I saw a dead body today. I should be shocked by that—scared, and vulnerable. But instead, I grieve the loss of the dream so quickly.
I truly believed my new house would be a haven full of all the little things that bring me joy. And now, the bubble has burst, and all I can see is the darkness that surrounds us all.
“Do you find it strange?” I ask. “Making yourself a peaceful home here when they’re literally right across the road?”
She pauses the movie on the TV and sighs. “Would think me strange if I said that having them there brings me peace?”
“I guess not.” From what I learned in our brief conversations, Vanessa has a pretty traumatic past. Not that she elaborated much on that.
But I can see why having people she sees as protectors brings her comfort.
“In the eighteen years I lived here as a kid, I never once was put in a position of danger because of who my father is.”
“That you know of,” she says softly.
I lift my head to look at her.
She tilts her head a little, gaze soft, caring. “Maybe he shielded you from the truth? Or maybe you’re right. But how could you know unless you ask him?”
I let my head fall back with a heavy sigh. “He’d never tell me.” He’d say I’m too delicate to know the truth. That it’s none of my business. “Is it normal to feel so numb?”
“Totally.” She rises from her seat, the dark forest green dress with tiny red and orange flowers visible in my periphery as she moves toward the kitchen. “It’s your nervous system protecting you from the shock.”
“But I don’t think it shocked me,” I call after her, frowning. “Thinking about that asshole’s dead body doesn’t bother me in the slightest.”
Her gentle clinking noises stop for a moment. “You could take that as a good thing, I guess.”
“Maybe.” I exhale heavily and then push myself up to a seated position, twisted so I can see her over the back of the sofa. “You’ve never got caught up in anything?”
She shakes her head. “Chaos wouldn’t allow it. The worst I’ve had to deal with is my stepfather and his bullshit, but that’s my issue. Nothing related to the club.”
“Does he think you couldn’t protect yourself? If you were involved in anything?” Is he one of those men? The same wolf as my father, but in different clothes.
“He thinks I shouldn’t have to, not that I can’t.”
My opinion of the man increases a little. The Kings of Anarchy are such a different beast from the rest of us, and when I would see them around town as a kid, they were almost mythical. This animal, which mostly came out at night, that no one could touch.
To think of Matthew as one of them… That same lanky teenager from the halls…
“The last time I saw Jinx, he was standing outside the liquor shop while he waited for his dad,” I say.
“The club had given him his prospect patch a couple of months earlier, and he’d missed the final weeks of school because the Kings—at least the way they were back then—didn’t see the point in him continuing with his education if he was going to be one of them. ”
Vanessa pauses making our coffees to listen.
“He didn’t see me. I was in my father’s car.
” I meet her eye briefly before looking back at my hands, taking myself back to that moment.
“It was a week before I left for college, and we were on the way to visit my grandma.” A sad smile tugs at my mouth.
“He looked so happy and carefree, and I felt so lost and lonely. But when I came back and saw him now, it’s like we switched places.
” I peek at Vanessa and find her apparently saddened at the thought, also. “Am I right? Is he lost and lonely?”
She sighs, focused on the mugs before her as she stirs them one at a time and adds creamer. “I think you’d have to ask him that, Kyra.” She lifts the drinks and brings them over.
I turn in my seat to follow her movement. “I’m not wrong, though? He gives that impression, doesn’t he?”
“He does.” She hands mine over.
I accept it and bundle it against my lap, using the blanket to cover my legs and protect my fingers from the heat.
“One of the first lessons Chaos gave me is that, although we can do things that help the people we care about, it’s not our place to fix them.
” She wets her lips, staring at her brew.
“He probably doesn’t realize he taught me this, either, but taking on that task will only lead to heartache for you. ”
“So, I’m supposed just to watch him suffer?”
“You’re supposed to be whatever he needs at the time. Reassurance, comfort, a guiding hand, or simply a safe place to land. They do things we’ll never know about, things we can’t comprehend. It’s not our job to get inside their heads that way.”
“You sound like a well-trained old lady.” I regret my words instantly.
Her brow furrows, jaw firm as she calmly responds. “We respect each other, flaws and all.”
“Sorry. I…”
“Fell into default mode when judging them?” She lifts an eyebrow, bringing her mug to her lips for a sip.
“Let my upbringing speak for me.”
Vanessa sets her drink down on the side table.
“I get it. At face value, it looks as though they don’t respect their women; they treat them as lesser.
But the truth is far from it. They keep them out so that the women don’t have to shoulder the same burdens as the men.
And it’s not because they don’t think we women are strong enough to do so; women are trusted to keep the children and elders safe in times of crisis.
It’s because they don’t feel the women should have to take on that mental toll when the men can do it for them. ”
“Sounds very old-world chivalry.”
She shrugs. “Maybe it is. But I think it’s respectable. I grew up in an environment where the men really did treat the women as lesser. As sub-human. What the Kings of Anarchy do is not that.”
I trace my thumb around the lip of the mug. “I just wish Matthew would let me in.”
“He’s not allowed to, even if he wanted.”
“I know. I understand how their rules work. It’s just…” I sigh. How do I word this?
“Hard to establish trust when you feel as though you’re not given it?”
Hit the nail on the head. “Exactly.”
“I won’t pretend I have the answer. Chaos and I still struggle with that.”
“How long have you two been together?”
“Not long. But I feel as though we’ve known each other a lifetime already, given what we’ve been through.”
Perhaps that’s the issue. Jinx and I have spent half our lives apart.
There’s so much to catch up on, but at the same time, how much of it really matters now?
We did most of our growing and evolving without each other, learned how to navigate the world as adults, and created these versions of ourselves alone.
But Vanessa and Chaos never met until she moved to Temperance. Is it really that much of an issue if Jinx and I lost the past decade to traveling separate paths?
I take a sip of the coffee, muscles relaxing as I sink into the cozy seat.
Vanessa wasn’t wrong—she made a haven for us, the ambience soothing with her fire crackling low in the hearth and soft lighting from the fairy lights strung along the wall above.
I could lose myself here for hours, and it’s the exact type of atmosphere I want to create for myself in my new home.
Albeit a little less… witchy.
I glance up at the massive painting that hangs on her wall of a crow in a top hat with a monocle. I mean, it’s quirky and kind of cool, but not my thing.
She turns toward me, gaze meeting mine at the same time as I look to her. The distinct rumble of an engine builds in the distance.
“Come on.” She unfolds her leg from beneath her on the chair and stands, heading toward the front of the house.
I follow behind, coffee in hand, to join her on the small front porch. Eyes bright, she seems as curious as I am to see who it is. Will they stop in, or will they pass on by and head up to the farmhouse?
Vanessa glances at me in my periphery as I watch the road. “Chaos is still out on business. It won’t be him.” She loops her arm beneath mine, and we wait as the bike shifts down gears behind the tree line.
They’re stopping in.
Sure enough, a familiar black ride comes into view, Jinx tapping down the gears before he pulls into Vanessa’s short driveway.
My stomach tightens, as do my hands on the mug.
What do I say? This afternoon’s events changed everything between us, and it’ll either be the pivotal moment that brings us together or the one that pushes us apart for good.
I can’t decide which scenario worries me more.
He dismounts and discards his helmet on the bars, back to us for a second while he seems to take a moment to gather himself.
Where has he been? If Chaos is still tied up with club business, why isn’t Jinx there with him?
He turns toward us as he pulls a deep breath, and stops.
The world shrinks to the fifteen feet between us.
“I’ll go make him a drink,” Vanessa says, sliding free of my arm to make a hasty exit indoors.
Damn it. The tension doubles.
Jinx lifts a hand to his neck, rubbing at the muscle while he glances to the ground.
“Does he know I was there?”
His head lifts, regret in the pinch of his features. “Yeah. He does.”
“Davis told him,” I say.
“He tried to get around it, but the guy’s no good at lying.” He moves toward me, slow, careful. “How are you?”
“Oddly fine.” I glance down at my coffee to avoid the intensity in his eyes as he approaches. “Unsure where this takes us all.”
“Afraid I can’t answer that one for you, darlin’.”
Vanessa’s advice echoes in my mind. “How are you?” I look up and find him on the top step of the porch, still studying me.
“Tired.” He nods toward the door. “You think we could go inside?”
“Sure.” I lead the way, super aware of his proximity as we walk down the narrow hallway toward the heart of the home.
“Hey,” Vanessa calls when we step into view. “I made you a coffee, Jinx. Have you eaten?”
“Love a bite,” he responds, moving toward the sofa. He flops down with a groan, head rolling over the back. “Fuckin’ long day.”
“I bet.” She catches my eye and urges me to move from where I’m frozen in the doorway, clutching my coffee as though it’s the most important thing in the moment.
“Chaos wasn’t far away from headin’ home,” he tells her, eyes still closed. “He’ll love you forever if you’ve got something for him to fill up on, too.”
“You really need to get Goblin some cooking lessons,” she jokes. “Maybe then you lot would want to eat what he makes.”
“At least when the pigs show up, they’ll be well fed.”
I ease onto the cushion beside him. “You’re getting pigs?”
His eyes snap open, head rolling to face me. “We are. But that’s not what I want to talk about right now.” He lifts his arm, inviting me to snuggle in.
It feels natural to.
I set my drink on the coffee table and then adjust my seat so I can nestle into his firm side.
“I know this will ruffle your feathers,” he says, the dulcet tones of his voice vibrating against me. “But I don’t want you to stay at that new house of yours all by yourself anymore.”
“Please do not follow that up with a request for me to stay longer with my parents.” It might be the thing that puts the final nail in any hope of us seeing where this leads.
He chuckles softly. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”
“What do you suggest, then?”
“I’d like to put someone in the house with you to keep an eye on things.”
I roll to my back, still nestled within his arm, and sigh. “You want to give me a babysitter.”
“I want to give you protection.”
“Who?” I try to peer up at him, but fail from my angle. “The crazy dude with the face tattoos?”
Vanessa snorts a small laugh as she carries over his coffee and snack. “I see you’ve met Circus.”
“Darlin’,” Jinx warns. “We’ve got some talking to do if you think I’m going to put you up in that house with another man, the two of you knocking around with all those empty rooms.”
“You make dangerous assumptions about my character there, Jinx.” Humor always deflects from the real emotion.
He weaves his fingers through the loose strands beside my face. “I’d never dream of it.”
“For how long?” Him and me, if I read what he says right. All by ourselves. No influence from the club or my parents.
It might be the most dangerous thing we’ve done.
“As long as I need to.”
Smooth. The Kings kill a rival club member, and voila, Jinx has an instant reason to move his ass into my house under the excuse of protection. Although, as I twist to be able to see his face, it becomes evidently clear he’s serious in his intentions.
“Take the offer, Kyra,” he says quietly, gaze searching mine. “Ease my stress and just take the offer.”
“Okay.”