Chapter 3 Desperate Times
CASSIDY
“Cassidy, seriously, what the hell is wrong with you?”
“There isn’t anything wrong with me,” I snapped.
That was probably a lie, though I couldn’t for the life of me think of one good reason why people felt the need to treat me like I was invisible or only a convenience at best. It had been four days since James informed me that the girl who was supposed to be my best friend attended all the school parties and stuff without me.
I wondered if she went to the football games with someone else, too?
I shook off that thought. It didn’t matter.
The sad truth was, she didn’t want to hang out with me outside of school, which left me to wonder why she bothered when we were at school then.
That stopped me in my tracks and I turned to face the girl who I thought had been my best, probably only, friend since middle school.
“You go places, to parties, to hang out, with other people from school, but not me.”
Simone rolled her eyes. “Is that what your little snit is about? Jesus, Cass, grow up. It’s not like you’re little miss social sunshine. I go without you because no one else would even notice if you were there.”
Ouch.
I couldn’t believe she had put it out there like that.
“Now that we cleared that up, let’s go grab some lunch. I’m famished.”
I turned around and stomped off in the other direction.
The nerve of her to tell me that I wasn’t wanted anywhere only to pretend like I would continue to follow behind her whenever she deemed it was acceptable.
It wasn’t acceptable to me. Eventually, Simone must have realized I wasn’t with her because she jogged to catch up with me again.
“Cassidy, what the hell?” When I refused to acknowledge her, she grabbed my shoulder and spun me around to face her. “Seriously? What has gotten into you, and how did you know I was going out without you anyway?”
“James was kind enough to inform me when we were talking Saturday night.”
“Right,” she chuckled her disbelief away as her eyes rolled again.
“Can we not wallow in your make-believe world where James Davis is your imaginary friend at home when you’re lonely?
I’m pretty sure we both know he had better things to do with his Saturday night than hang out with you in your backyard. ”
How had I ever thought Simone was my friend? The sneer on her face made me want to vomit. She truly thought I was that pathetic that I would make up being friends with James whenever we were at home together.
“I think maybe you overheard James tell Jasper something. Maybe he talked about how we made out at Ashley’s party at the lake, and you realized I didn’t bother to take you with me.
” She chuckled again but there was a nasty, slimy feel to the sound.
“There’s no need to make up a scenario in which James talks to you like you two are buddies. ”
I filed away the part where she said they made out.
My heart really couldn’t handle my crush and my best friend letting me down the same way my father had only to add insult to injury that my supposed friend would make out with my crush, especially when she supposedly had her eyes set on Jasper.
Was that just a ruse to throw me off the fact that she wanted James?
“Nah, that’s not what happened.” I turned to see Jasper there looking like he wanted to punch someone and that maybe he’d make an, “I don’t hit women” exception for Simone. “James told her when they were hanging out behind her house at the fire pit the way they’ve been doing since they were kids.”
Simone took a step back, obviously shocked that I’d been telling her the truth all along.
There was also a little bit of fear in her eyes.
I realized she did have a thing for Jasper, but she’d probably just blown it when he heard her say she made out with James.
I might not have known Jasper as well, but he was loyal to the bone and if he thought his friend had a claim on the girl, he would never go there.
“If Cass says James told her about you going places without even inviting her, then that’s exactly what happened because he and I don’t talk about you when we’re alone.
There’s no need.” He let the fact that he didn’t care enough to talk about her hang in the air between them for a minute and then he gave me a quick nod and what looked like a sad smile.
“Cass, if you need anything, let me know.”
He walked off after that, and Simone gaped at me and then turned on her heel and flounced in the opposite direction Jasper had gone.
I dragged my feet all the way to class - where Simone never showed up.
My head stayed down, the class slipped by without me knowing anything that was discussed and before I knew it, the day was over and I was at home.
The house was unsurprisingly empty when I got in and it felt as though it might remain that way for a while, so I made myself something to eat and retreated to my bedroom.
Normally, I would go sit outside and light a fire, but that place no longer held the special appeal it once had.
See, that fire had been a beacon that would attract James to it like a bug to a light whenever he was around.
Even if he was there, I didn’t want to see him.
I noticed him staring at me earlier that day, like he was trying to decide if he should talk to me.
Apparently, whatever kept him from speaking to me in school won out.
So, he didn’t deserve to speak to me in our usual meetup place either.
Now that I knew he had made out with Simone, I was even less inclined to accidentally run into him.
It made me sad because it felt like I lost everything.
My friend at school, the secret friend who had been my long-time crush, and my favorite place to go to get away from the house whenever Tiffany was on one of her rampages.
I hated them both for taking so much from me - even if most of it had been an illusion all along.
It was May 20th, a couple weeks before graduation, and my birthday passed without much fanfare.
My father forgot. I had no friends to speak of - not that Simone had ever done more than say, “Happy birthday,” when I reminded her in years past. The only person to wish me another great year on the planet had been Mrs. Davis.
She brought over a tin full of my favorite lemon-blueberry cupcakes and a card signed by both her and her husband.
He had to travel to try to work something out with a bank in the city.
Mrs. Davis didn’t go into detail, but I knew their ranch was in dire straits and hoped, for their sakes, that they were able to get it back on track again.
Simone continued to follow me around at school in the weeks that followed. She would jabber away about anything and everything she could think of. I never said a single word back to her. Eventually, she grew frustrated enough to address the situation.
“Look, I said I was sorry. If it will make you feel better, I’ll invite you to the next party.”
I turned to look her in the eye for the first time in weeks and saw the self-satisfied smile she wore at getting me to at least acknowledge her with a look.
I shook my head and turned away again. Did she think she could buy my friendship back with a party or two before graduation?
She couldn’t even acknowledge my birthday a few weeks ago and we were all about to graduate in a few days.
“I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t realize you would be interested in stuff like that.” If only she had bothered to say that weeks before when everything first came out and when she wasn’t still keeping things from me. The fact was, it was now June, days from graduation, and I no longer cared.
I continued to ignore her as Jasper and James walked by.
My former crush smiled - at Simone. There was something in that smile that made me realize what I’d overheard that morning was true.
Simone and James were indeed a couple. In all the yapping she had done, it was funny that she left that part out.
I was ignored in school, not deaf. Did she really think I wouldn’t hear things?
I got up, tossed my stuff in the trash, and walked to the library to spend the rest of lunch break there.
A very flustered Simone attempted to follow until she saw where I went.
It was the one place in school where I knew she wouldn’t stick around.
I should have thought of it sooner. Then, my last few weeks of school might have been a more peaceful place.
“Cassidy!” Miss Lincoln called out as the door closed behind me.
“Hi, did you need something?” I asked her as I approached her desk in the middle of the library.
“Are you busy today? I checked in with your teachers to see if you’d be able to help me with a project for the next two days.
They all said you were either exempt from final exams or had already taken them.
” I nodded. “Okay, would you mind terribly if you were locked into the stuffy back room to go through some boxes for me?”
It was like a lifeline had been extended to me that I didn’t even realize I needed so badly. “Of course, I’ll help. Tell me what you need and I can get started on it today as long as you excuse me from the rest of my classes.”
“I will send word to your teachers that you won’t be back this year - unless you want to. Oh dear, I didn’t even think about it. You’re graduating and probably want to spend time with everyone before-”
I cut her off. “It’s fine, really. Everyone else still has work to do and I’d just be bored sitting in the classes while they test, do makeup work, or extra credit.” It was true, except the part that I would have any reason to spend time with anyone even if those things were not the problem.