Chapter 6 All You Can Be
CASSIDY
One week after graduation.
The letter I left for my father to find one day - if he ever came looking for me - was short and matter of fact.
Dad,
I joined the Army. Maybe, I’ll make you proud enough that you’ll realize it’s okay to have a daughter even though you got remarried. One day, I hope you realize I mattered, too. Maybe I’ll earn being seen by you while I’m a soldier.
Until then…
Cassidy
I couldn’t even bring myself to sign it with love or anything remotely endearing.
I honestly wasn’t sure if the man still loved me or even remembered I was alive most days.
When my mom was alive, he’d been the best dad in the world and I was a true daddy’s girl.
I suppose when things changed with him was about the time I allowed myself to be in one-way friendships where I was used and discarded.
My mind wandered back to the scene James caused at graduation.
I couldn’t believe he married Simone and before we had even graduated.
I also wondered if she was really pregnant, but either way, they’d obviously had sex for him to think it could be true.
My heart twisted. It was one thing to know she was dating him to try to make Jasper jealous, but obviously things had gone so much further than a ploy to get the boy she really wanted.
And Simone did all that while knowing how I felt.
Then again, as James so eloquently put it, he wouldn’t have ever been attracted to me like that anyway.
I tossed the letter down on my desk next to the pamphlet that had given me a way out so I wouldn’t continue to have to play the invisible girl at home while I watched my former best friend live the life I’d always dreamed of with James.
My room got one more cursory look before I hitched my beat-up backpack up and over my shoulder.
There wasn’t anything I felt like I was leaving behind even though the backpack full of the things the Army said I might need was all I had taken.
Everything was tidy and its place like normal.
The bed was made. I wondered how long it would take my dad to realize I wasn’t living there anymore.
I didn’t have anyone to say goodbye to, so I turned the light off and quietly made my way out of the house I’d grown up in.
I was set to meet the Army recruiter at the end of my road at 5:30 before the sun even had a chance to come up.
The road was about a mile walk from the house down our long and barely there dirt driveway.
It was so dark outside still that universe appeared to be putting on a show for me as I walked.
The sky itself twinkled and preened thanks to the lack of light pollution.
Violence, New Mexico was a tiny little town near the border of Arizona.
My house was on the far outskirts of the town, so there was nothing to hinder the view.
Part of me wished I had taken the time to appreciate it more.
It would probably be ages before I saw a night sky - or morning as it was - so clearly.
By the time I got to the end of the driveway, a pair of headlights creeped up behind me.
At first, my heart ticked a rapid beat as I thought maybe my father had seen me leaving and decided to check on me.
I should have known better. The minute I let myself give up the ghost of that hopeful girl I was running from, I realized the whine of the truck’s engine was very familiar and belonged to the only neighbors who shared our driveway.
“Cassidy?” Mr. Davis called out as he hand-cranked his window down. I couldn’t believe his ancient pickup truck still ran. There was something to be said for those old Toyota pickups.
“Hey, what has you up so early,” I asked him.
“I’m always up and on the go at the crack of dawn,” he insisted as if I might call him out for slacking off.
The man was one of the hardest working people I’d ever known.
His wife was leaps and bounds ahead of him.
That woman ran from dawn to dusk without stopping.
Between their ranch, the household, her baking, and taking care of the whole community, Virginia Davis was a force.
Tim Davis was close, though. I’d miss them despite what a jackass their grandson was.
“I have news for you, Mr. Davis, dawn has not even attempted to crack just yet,” I teased.
He chuckled and shook his head then sobered just as quickly.
“Which begs the question, why in the hell are you out here walking in the dark at this hour, sweetheart? The drive is one thing, but when you get out on the main road, you stand the chance of a sleepy trucker hitting you and never even realizing it.”
I smiled because it was nice to know that someone was concerned for my health and safety. “This is as far as I’m going on foot.”
“Someone coming to get you this early?” He seemed suspicious and probably rightfully so - again, considering who his grandson was.
“Sgt. Mayfair should be along any minute now.”
“Sgt. Mayfair?” he asked before his eyes scanned the whole picture. “Oh Cassidy, why? I thought James said you were off to college in the fall.”
How the hell would he know that? Especially since he hadn’t bothered to ask about my plans and no one but the Army and me knew where I was headed.
I shrugged. “Best let him keep on thinking that then. I don’t have money for college.
I’m all signed up for the G.I. Bill, though.
If I serve my country, eventually college will be paid for. ”
Mr. Davis let loose a lengthy sigh as his eyes narrowed toward my childhood home. He knew my father had the means to send me to any university who would have me. I hoped he didn’t say anything to Dad about it.
“You didn’t want your family to drop you off?
Looks like they’re all still asleep over there.
” I could hear the judgement in his tone.
Not that it was directed at me. Our neighbors were not too fond of my dad after he remarried.
Not because he chose to move on with someone new, but that in doing so, I was often left to fend for myself.
“I didn’t want to bother anyone and Sgt. Mayfair offered to pick me up.”
“Sweetheart, your dad will be beside himself if he wakes up to find out you left without at least a goodbye.”
“I love that you would care, but my dad hasn’t said a word to me, even in passing, in about a month.
” I stopped and thought about it for a minute.
“No, that’s an unintentional lie. It was a few days ago when he apologized for missing my graduation because he forgot what day it was and took Tiffany shopping in Albuquerque that day instead. ”
The shocked gasp from Mr. Davis was not a surprise.
James’s grandparents knew my family life wasn’t great since my mom passed away but they must have thought it wasn’t too bad.
I wasn’t abused by my father. He simply forgot I existed.
My stepmother crossed some lines when no one was around to see or hear her, but I learned quickly to avoid her so she wouldn’t have a chance.
That was how I discovered my love of baking.
I started to spend time with Mrs. Virginia Davis and her lovely husband.
She taught me everything I knew about cooking and baking.
So much so that I was staple at their house more than their own grandchildren.
“They didn’t attend your graduation at all?
” He asked, clearly puzzled. “But you said…” His voice trailed off as he realized I lied to him and his wife when they asked where my father was.
Of course, they had been there to watch their grandson walk the stage for graduation.
Thankfully, they hadn’t been there a little later when James made that scene.
“He clearly wasn’t in the bathroom as you suggested. ”
“Sorry,” I whispered, “it was embarrassing enough without announcing to everyone that my dad didn’t care enough to show up or remember such an important day.
” My shoulders bounced as I tried to quell the tears that wanted to come.
That was why I quickly shifted the subject.
“Please, tell Mrs. Davis that I’ll miss her and that I have her to thank for my future career.
One day, I’ll be a baker, but first, I’m going to let the Army turn me into a person who matters. ”
“Dammit, girl, you’re breaking an old man’s heart.” He got out of the truck and pulled me into a soul-crushing hug. “You already matter. I will expect letters from you, as will my wife. We will write back once we have an address, too.”
I promised to write to him as Sgt. Mayfair’s recruiter-mobile pulled up.
“Be safe. We’re here if you ever need a soft place to land, sweetheart.
No questions asked.” He smiled, gave me one more hug, and whispered in my ear.
“Not that you’ll need it. I have no doubt you’re going to kick ass, take names, and make a whole new family of friends out of your fellow soldiers.
Love you like one of my own, sweet girl.
Never forget that you matter to someone - to us. ”
“I couldn’t possibly,” I murmured back as Sgt. Mayfair came around and shook Mr. Davis’s hand.
“You have the best one there. See that she’s successful out there,” he told my recruiter.
“I have no doubt. She blew her ASVAB scores away. Could have picked any job.” The man actually rolled his eyes because I had chosen 92G - Culinary Specialist as my MOS - Military Occupation Specialty.
He hadn’t agreed that it was the best use of someone with my scores, but I didn’t care.
Mr. Davis grinned at him before he devolved into a lighthearted, knowing chuckle.
I could be stubborn when it mattered and he knew it.
“She’ll dazzle us all with her skills one day.
Don’t doubt her because she chose a career you look down on now. ”
Sgt. Mayfair tipped his chin up at Mr. Davis and then walked back to the driver’s side of the car. “You ready to head out to your new future?”
I wanted to thank Mr. Davis for believing in me, but the words were stuck in my throat.
Before I knew it, I was tucked into Mayfair’s car without even knowing how I managed to get there.
Not long after that I was stuffed onto a bus and then transferred to a plane - my first flight ever.
After that it was onto another bus with a bunch of other recruits and as the day turned to dusk drill sergeants jumped on the bus and started screaming at us to get the hell off their bus.
Some of the people I’d traveled part of the way with looked absolutely shell-shocked and out of their depth.
I simply felt numb and like everything was happening to someone else while I watched from the sidelines.
My life was about to change. I hoped it was for the better and that I’d make friends along the way - real ones this time.
If not, I was doing this for me. It was a chance to grow, become more confident in myself, and work toward paying for my own education so I wouldn’t owe anyone a damn thing. Not a thank you, a fuck you, or a farewell. I would never give more of myself than I got back. Never again.