Chapter 20 All the Feelings #2
“I’m not. That kid would have been pawn for her to use and manipulate. I think nature did us all a favor there.”
“Still, I know that had to be hard at the time.”
He gave me a nod and then picked up my hand the way I’d grown used to. “We’re not supposed to be talking about Simone or the shitty parts of the past, remember?”
“Yeah, so tell me something else, and if it’s about your grandparents, I probably already know.”
“Well, shit, what else is there?” He laughed as he asked and I rolled my eyes at him again.
“Tell me about the club. I want to know how you adjusted to being a member. What was prospecting like? Did they treat you like shit and make you scrub toilets with your own toothbrush?”
“That’s fucking gross, Cass. Fuck no, I didn’t scrub toilets with a toothbrush, but I did have my share of bathroom cleanup duties and after parties, before some of the younger guys started to settled down, that was the worst.” He laughed and I chuckled along with him.
I had only been around the club, as a whole, a few times during much tamer events than a full-on biker party and I could totally see that it might be the worst thing ever to deal with.
“Prospecting wasn’t so bad. There were moments when I wanted to throw in the towel, but then I’d watch them.
All the club brothers had this bond. There’s always a bit of in-fighting here and there, but it’s like siblings going at it, you know?
You fight, you make up, you have one another’s backs no matter what.
The more I watched, the more I wanted a piece of that for myself.
I had my grandparents for stability, but I never had a bond like that with my little brothers or my father.
By the time Jasper patched in and was given his road name and welcomed into their brotherhood, I was so fucking envious.
If only I’d listened to him and tried to join back when he asked me to before we stopped talking for a while. ”
“You stopped talking because of me?”
Yeah, after graduation he told me I had my head too far up my own ass to see the damage I’d done or the truth that was right in front of my eyes.
He always saw through Simone’s shit and he used to point out how different things were between you at school before the end.
It was like he could see that you were no longer friends while I trusted my eyes, that she was there following you around, talking, and you weren’t telling her to go to hell, so it must have meant you forgave her. ”
A dark laugh was my response. “I refused to give her any of my attention. If you had paid attention, you would have noticed that I never talked back, smiled, or even glanced at Simone during that time. I pretended like she didn’t exist. Her ‘talking’ was to try to annoy me into looking at her.”
“No wonder she seemed so happy when I blamed you for being her little helper.” James said. “Jesus I was a dumb fuck.”
“You grew up and figured things out.”
“Did I, though?”
“You’re here. You haven’t left my side since everything went down and we’ve talked more these past few weeks than I think we ever have.
It’s helped me to understand your perspective, and I get it.
You had your own baggage before Simone invaded your life.
It made you prone to take care of responsibilities, even when you didn’t really want to.
I don’t think anyone is wired to think that the person they marry - for whatever reason - set out to manipulate them from the beginning.
Stop beating yourself up about it. Shit happened, lessons were learned, end of story. ”
“I used to love talking to you because you had these things to say for every situation. It was like you were the least social person at school, but you always knew the right thing to do anyway.”
“I watched everyone else fuck up while I sat on the side and was ignored. It gave me a great window to that so-called wisdom I spouted.”
For the first time, neither of us devolved into old feelings when our shared past was mentioned. We both smiled at one another and James squeezed my hand. “Aren’t we a fucking pair?”
“If you say so,” I teased just as the door to my room opened and Nurse Honey Davis and Dr. Roberts came in.
“You’re making remarkable progress, Cassidy, but I want to keep you at least another week to make sure everything continues to move forward in a positive direction.
We’re also going to have our pulmonary therapist come by to speak to you about things you can do once you’re home to continue to aid in the healing.
You recovered from the gunshot here, your lungs will still have months of work to do by the time you get to go home.
No smoking, for God’s sake - no vaping, no inhaling anything that isn’t prescribed by a doctor and they must know your history before they prescribe anything.
Avoid allergens and sick people while you’re building your lung back up.
You did remarkably well while here and I won’t tolerate a backslide from you. ”
I smiled. Dr. Roberts was a no-nonsense kind of guy and I liked that about him.
He was also a straight shooter. If he said I had another week to go, then I wasn’t about to argue.
At least, I wasn’t until a little while later when James received a call from his club president that required his presence back home to deal with Simone once and for all.
“Why now?” he asked as I listened in.
“We have the Morelli Outfit from Chicago at our doorstep, along with the fucking major players from the fucking Rivera Cartel. They’re having a whole fucking showdown in the middle of town like it’s the 1800s Wild West out there.”
“Okay?” James asked.
“Okay nothing, the one thing they have in common is shouting over a missing girl. A very specific missing woman, to be exact.”
“Simone?” James questioned. “What the fuck has she got to do with the mafia in Chicago?”
“That’s where she moved from in middle school,” I said.
James’s head snapped around. “Are you for fucking real?”
“That’s what she told me anyway.” We had already established the woman lied more than she told the truth. I don’t think she was lying back then. “Her father was never around but he kept Simone and her mom flush with money,” I added.
“Fuck,” James groaned.
“That about sums it up. Need you back here. Will send Smooth to hang with Cassidy until she can be released or you can get back.”
“Smooth was shot not long ago himself.”
“That means he’ll be able to anticipate everything your woman needs.”
“I don’t like it.”
“We need answers without having to ask the fucking mafia and cartel to fill in the blanks for us,” Bigfoot said.
“And you think that bitch will tell the truth?”
“If she thinks it will save her miserable ass life, and you promise to hide her away somewhere, I think she’ll crack. Pretty sure she went to find you to do just that before. She was thrown by seeing Cassidy there, and shot first instead.”
While James ironed out some details with Bigfoot, I slipped out of the hospital room and slowly marched my ass to the nurses station.
“What can I do for you, hon?” Honey asked me as she glanced around, probably wondering why my shadow wasn’t with me. James usually walked the halls with me during exercise time.
“I know Dr. Roberts told me another week, but I have to get home now.”
“Oh, sweetie, I don’t think that’s wise.”
“My dad is dying. He was in a car accident and I’m not going to miss out on a goodbye to him. I promise to go straight to a doctor if I feel bad and to see one as soon as I need to for another check, but I’m going home today with or without Dr. Roberts’ blessing, so get the paperwork ready.”
“I will let him know.” She leaned over and squeezed my arm reassuringly. “Do you need us to speak with your dad’s doctor and…” I shook my head.
“No, my friend just called. She was there with him and I don’t think you could find out anything she didn’t just tell me. I feel so numb right now, but I think it’s just because I have to hold it together until I can get there and see him.”
“Our bodies and minds work for us as best they can. You keep holding it together and I’ll get everything ready to go.
We’ll have you out of here in under an hour.
” When I got ready to argue, she shook her head.
“That’s the best we can do while making sure you’ll be taken care of after you leave here. ”
“Thank you,” I told her as I made my way back to the room.
As soon as I got inside I took one look at James and knew how frustrated he was at having to leave me. “Where did you go?”
“I had to go talk to Honey about something. What was that about?”
“I need to go back and deal with Simone. The situation is… Well, you heard.”
“I did, and that’s why they’ll have me released in under an hour. Honey thinks my dad is dying from injuries sustained in a car accident.”
“You lied to Honey?” He asked in a darkly teasing way.
“I did what was necessary. They would have put up a fight to keep me here.”
“You should be here.”
“No, I should be with you and my friends in my own town.”
“It’s fucking volatile back there right now. As much as I don’t want to leave you, I also don’t want you in Violence in the middle of a Mafia-Cartel-MC war that’s brewing.”
“Former Army, James. I can handle myself.”
“You just spent more than a month in the hospital recuperating from being shot, Cassidy. You’re not exactly soldier ready.”
“I’m going, so call Bigfoot back and tell him to keep whoever he’s sending there.
“Too late.” I turned to see a man with wavy, blondish-brown shoulder-length hair standing in the doorway. “I’m already here, but that’s cool, I can do another four hours on the Harley. Besides, best you aren’t rolling into town on your own right now.”
“You rolled out on your own,” James kicked back.
The smile that seemed perpetual on Smooth’s face ramped up a notch and I swear the guy was made of sunshine for a minute. No. No, that was the glare from the window behind him.
“I’m going down to grab a coffee and then we can get back to Violence before the town devolves to… Well, violence.” Smooth snickered as he delivered what amounted to a dad joke that was backed with a whole lot of potential truth to it.
“Are you sure you’re alright?” James asked me for the fourth time after we pulled into Violence.
The motorcycle ride was four hours of uncomfortable rumble and probably not the way that Dr. Roberts thought I’d be getting back to my hometown.
I could guess easily enough that it wasn’t the recommended mode of transport even for short distances.
“Besides my jelly legs, I’m all good, promise.” It was a lie. My chest ached in a way it hadn’t in at least a week. Still, we both needed to be back. “Go deal with Simone so we can figure out how to put this mess to bed.”
“Listen to your woman and get the hell down there now,” Bigfoot ordered. A man who looked like an older version of him stood by with his arms crossed over his chest, but he wasn’t looking at Knuckles. His stare was aimed straight at me.
“Come with me,” he insisted.
“Um,” I started to protest.
“If my wife sees you on your feet for one minute longer, she’s going to raise holy hell and the mafia and cartel at our doorstep will look like small fries in comparison.
” I wanted to giggle, but held it in because I already hurt bad enough from that ride.
My stubborn pride kept me on my feet. That, and I knew I’d crash the moment my ass hit a seat that wasn’t flying down the highway at ungodly speeds.
“Yes, sir. We can’t have your wife angry at the club. That won’t do,” I reiterated as I winked at Knuckles. He blew out a relieved breath and took off for a hallway that must have led to the lower level.