Chapter 1 – Two Days Later #2
I didn’t hesitate in placing my fingers in his and allowing him to gently tug me across the street and into my apartment building.
My eyes widened when he pulled two keys from his pocket connected to a ring, then proceeded to unlock the communal door to my block and usher me inside.
After he secured the door behind us, he walked up the one flight of stairs, going straight to my apartment and stabbing a key in the lock.
My senses rushed back into my brain, and I exclaimed, “What the fuck?”
His answering smirk made my stomach clench.
“How have you got keys to my apartment?” I demanded, my mouth agape as he pushed the door open.
His smirk widened. “Because I was comin’ to see you tonight and I didn’t know if you’d let me in. Not ridin’ for five hours in the damned snow to get turned away, baby.” He extended his hand inside my apartment with a flourish. “After you.”
I stepped inside and fumbled for the light switch. One part of me was too shocked to protest, but the other part was curious as hell as to why he was here and what the hell was going on.
He closed the door behind us with a soft click before pocketing the keys. Then he shrugged his jacket off and hung it on one of the empty hooks on the wall beside the door.
My eyes swept down him, taking in his sheer size and strength. He wore a long-sleeved, black tee and black jeans, which only added to the aura of menace surrounding him.
I popped a hip and folded my arms across my chest, demanding, “You have a key to every girl’s apartment, or just mine?”
His mouth twisted with humor, while his eyes took in a lazy inventory of my tiny home. “Nice place.” He brushed past me, going straight to the windows to pull the blinds and draw the curtains across, and cut us off from the world.
He reminded me of a cat as he moved around my living room, stopping occasionally to study the family photographs that filled the bookcase, and to pick up the trinkets I’d collected over the years that held sentimental value.
“My da found this place for me.” I removed my jacket, throwing it over the back of a chair before unwinding his scarf from my neck “When I started my internship, he wanted me to have somewhere close to the office. I love it here. It’s small, but it has everything I need.
” I peeled off his gloves and placed them on the counter with the scarf.
He paused in front of a picture that took pride of place on my sideboard and nodded down at it. “Is this your dad?”
“Yeah,” I whispered, the emotion of the day suddenly hitting me. It was times like these that I missed my da the most. He always knew what to say and do. He always made me feel better.
Pagan’s head slowly swiveled to study the pain I knew was etched in my expression. “It still hurts?”
I blinked back my tears and nodded, hardly trusting myself to speak. Pagan wasn’t the kind of man I could show my vulnerabilities to. I didn’t trust him with them.
He turned back to the photograph, and in his low, husky timbre, he began to speak.
“My dad’s an asshole, and my mom’s a bitch.
Not that you could really call her a mom, not in the sense that you’d recognize anyway.
She was a club whore my dad knocked up when he was young.
He wasn’t interested in raisin’ me; he was too busy raisin’ hell.
” A small smile played around his mouth as he went on, “My dad’s a Kings of Anarchy brother from the mother chapter in Cali.
I was born and raised in the same city as him, but I can count on one hand the number of times he came to see me.
He had another son, my younger brother, Kidd, who’s in the club too, but there’s so much resentment there I can hardly fuckin’ look at him.
” His voice dropped to a hush as he continued, “You’re lucky, Ash.
You had it all. A mom who cared, a dad who doted on you, and three brothers at your back. I never got any of that.”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
He turned his head back to me and grinned.
“Don’t be. I didn’t tell you my life story to get sympathy or score points; I told you so you can get it into your head from the get-go that you’re not gonna change me or make me a better man.
I’m damaged, and I’m angry to the core, and honestly, Aislynn, I don’t give a fuck.
I know right from wrong, and I have a moral compass, but I don’t always follow it, and I’ve made my peace with that.
I’ve killed for my country and for fun, and I’ve beaten more men than I can remember.
I’m gonna hurt you; I may even ruin you, but if you do this with me, I’ll also protect you with my life.
Cunts like Richard Sketch won’t factor because I won’t allow them to.
I’ll get you everything you want, I’ll make every dream you have come true, but you’ll pay for it with your peace of mind and probably your dignity.
Once you’re in, Aislynn, you won’t ever be out, not completely, and not unless I allow it.
You’re a good girl, and I want a good girl in my life.
I want somethin’ pure and decent that I can go home to after dealin’ with filth all day.
I wanna be able to walk in the door and wash my hands of dirt until I leave you to go do it all over again.
” He paused for a beat while he ran his hand over his smooth head.
“I also need to be straight with you about somethin’ else.
Somethin’ I don’t want repeated to your friends. Can you respect that?”
I nodded automatically.
“I need pure ’cause I’ve got two boys. I don’t want ’em growin’ up with a whore for a mother like I did.
I want more for them, and that’s what you’ll eventually be.
Not sayin’ I want you to meet ’em straight away, but eventually you will.
In the meantime, we see how things go with us, and when the time’s right, I’ll tell ’em about you and pave the way for a meet. ”
My jaw dropped. “You’ve got two boys?” I repeated, my eyes rounding. “You’re a dad?”
The shock on my face must’ve been blatant because Pagan chuckled. “Rex is sixteen and Roman’s fourteen. They live with their mother, who until recently was okay, but she hitched her star to a dude who’s not okay, and now she’s a liability.”
I wasn’t sure why he was telling me all this; maybe it was a test, and he wanted to see if I’d bolt. The whole speech came off so matter-of-fact, but still raw because there was something about the way he spoke of his boys that carved me open.
Suddenly, the air in the room felt too close as he watched me, waiting for a reaction, except I didn’t really know what to say. I hardly knew him. I couldn’t pledge my troth to a man I’d met twice, especially when one of those meetings didn’t end well.
I decided to go with honesty. It had never let me down before, and I had a feeling Pagan was the type of man who would rather I was straight with him, especially after all his revelations.
“This is a lot,” I announced.
Slowly, he nodded. “Yeah, baby. It is.”
“How did you know what happened with my boss?” I asked.
He didn’t hesitate. “Met you on Saturday night. My man had tapped into the cameras in your office building by three o’clock Sunday mornin’.”
My face twisted, my expression incredulous. “Why?”
That time, he paused briefly. “’Cause I knew by then I wanted to protect you.”
My eyebrows pulled together. “But I told you I wasn’t interested.”
Pagan’s mouth curved. “Exactly.”
My belly fluttered.
“You know the last time a woman gave me lip?” he inquired.
I shook my head in reply.
He dipped his chin, his eyes boring into mine. “Never.”
My forehead creased. “So this is all because I told you no?”
“In a way,” he responded. “But it’s mainly ’cause you stood up to me. You know the last time that happened?”
I shook my head again.
He gave me a lopsided grin and repeated, “Never. I need an ol’ lady who tells me no.
It’s gonna drive me crazy, but I’m surrounded by yes men and women.
My woman’s gotta be more. Saw you across a crowded room, Ash, and within seconds, I was by your side.
Went off, acted the dick to see what your reaction would be. ”
“So the whole Shannon thing was a test?” I challenged.
He moved toward me. “I prefer to call it an experiment.”
“Just put me in a fucking Petrie dish, why don’t you?” I muttered.
He barked a soft laugh, coming to stand directly in front of me. “Well, you’re gonna be under a microscope. I’m not a man who misses much.”
Pagan was so close I could feel the heat radiating from him and smell the clean, fresh scent of his citrus, woody cologne. I glanced up and stilled because he was looking at me as if I were something rare and precious.
My heart fluttered as his hand reached for my jaw and two calloused fingers slid across the soft skin of my chin, tilting my face upward.
I knew he was about to kiss me, and I should’ve flinched, protested, swung at him even, but I was so caught up in the moment that I couldn’t have stopped even if I wanted to.
His lips caught mine, hard enough to make me whimper, and warmth flooded me—not from the burning heat of his skin but from the sheer unrelenting force of him. My knees buckled, and an arm twined around my waist and pulled me against him so forcefully that I felt every hard plane of his body.
Pagan’s mouth was soft but insistent, his tongue sliding into my mouth, pressing against mine. Before I knew it, I was arching up, pushing my body against his and kissing him back with so much abandon that I even shocked myself. It felt like I was coming apart.
His arms tightened around me like iron bands, locking my body to his, and suddenly, I wasn’t flying apart anymore. I was raw and exposed but also anchored and grounded, and it was both terrifying and addicting.
He broke away, his breath shuddering gently against my lips, and muttered, “Jesus fuck, woman. You make me do the unthinkable. I don’t kiss.”
The corner of my mouth hitched. “That’s a shame. You’re pretty good at it.”
He chuckled, his breath warm against my cheek. “It may become my new favorite habit. You taste like trouble and there ain’t nothin’ sweeter.”
His words struck a chord in me, and my breath quickened. I could sense the power contained within him, and it made my thighs clench with need. I wasn’t a risk taker; if anything, I shied away from danger, but something about Pagan made me crave it.
I wanted to be scared; I should have been, he had torment written all over him, but what really terrified me was how much I wasn’t scared. My body felt the threat of him, and my instincts screamed at me to run. But something inside me was unfurling, something dark, and it found him fascinating.
Even though he’d likely shred me, I knew I was going to take the risk.
Loving him would change me, and losing him would too.
I’d never be the same girl when the inevitable happened, and he destroyed me, but maybe that was the point, maybe I didn’t want to be.
My life had changed so drastically since I lost Da that maybe I needed to change with it, learn, grow, and evolve into the woman I needed to be if I was going to live my life without my daddy as my safety net.
Pagan’s cell phone chimed with a notification. He moved to where he’d hung his jacket, reached inside his pocket, and pulled his phone out to check his messages. “I gotta go. We’re headed to Arizona.”
My heart sank because a sudden realization hit me.
I didn’t want him to leave.
He pocketed his phone, his eyes never leaving mine. “I’ll call in on the way back to Wyoming. It’ll give you a couple of days to think. My brothers can ride ahead, and I’ll spend some time here.”
I wanted that more than anything, but I didn’t want Pagan to know it. I had a feeling he was all about the challenge, and I needed to play hard to get. Plus, I wanted time to think everything through without his presence clouding my thoughts.
“Let’s play it by ear,” I murmured. “Do you want my number so you can tell me your plans?”
He grinned, and I marveled again at just how fucking great his smile was. “Already got it, baby. I’ll message my digits over so you can store ’em. Go to work tomorrow. You shouldn’t have any more problems with your boss, but if he touches you again, I’ll deal with it personally and permanently.”
A sense of excitement rippled through my belly, and I whispered, “Okay.”
He reached out and cupped my cheek, his onyx eyes roaming over my face, almost as if he couldn’t quite believe what he was seeing. “Fuckin’ beautiful,” he said huskily, and with that parting shot, he grabbed his jacket, pulled open the door, and disappeared through it.
The silence of my apartment felt like a chasm. I stood frozen by the door, the thrum of my pulse still racing from Pagan’s kiss.
His presence, his scent, and the echo of his words danced around my skull until the absurdity of it all hit me, and I began to laugh out loud, pausing as I detected the faint growl of a Harley engine coming to life.
I ran to the window, my fingers carefully making a small gap in between the slats of the venetian blinds so I could catch a final glimpse. My gaze rested on Pagan, who was across the street, already sitting astride his bike while he placed his helmet over his head.
He pulled the chinstrap tight and glanced up, stilling when he saw my silhouette at the window. Then he placed both hands on the handlebars, leaned forward, and pulled away into the frigid, dark night with just a flick of his fingers to say goodbye.
My chest deflated, and the butterflies in my belly intensified when his words flashed through my mind.
You make me do the unthinkable. I don’t kiss.
In hindsight, I should have gone to my room, packed my cases, and gone home to my mammy. I should have run as far away from Pagan Sinclair as I could get, found a nice man, and settled into a quiet life.
But maybe even then it was too late.
I’d been branded by a man who’d set me on a path that thrilled me to the bone, and even though I knew deep in my soul it would end in tears, I didn’t care.
All it took was one taste, and I was already addicted.