Chapter 5 #3
“We argued throughout her first pregnancy,” he admitted.
“Her hormones were crazy, and it did us a lot of harm. She tried to make me leave the Marines, but I didn’t want to, and there was no way I could support a wife and baby if I popped smoke.
I didn’t go to college, so my choices at the time were the military, drivin’, or security.
We were on the verge of breakin’ up when she announced she was pregnant again.
That was when I knew her pregnancies were set up to keep me tied to her. ”
“Right,” I said, trying to be as tactful as I could.
Whatever my feelings were about the situation, I didn’t want to be that girl who blamed everything on her new guy’s ex. I knew there were always two sides to a story, and Pagan was certainly no angel.
He didn’t meet my eyes, just pushed the empty plate away. “Got my boys, so it was worth it. They’re the only blood who ever really mattered.”
I could tell it still stung, and I could understand why. Every person in his life who was meant to have his back had manipulated him in some way. It explained why he needed to be in control of every situation.
“I can understand why you want to give your boys stability,” I acquiesced.
“It doesn’t help that Bree met a new guy a couple of years ago.
He’s a douchebag small-time dealer and big-time asshole.
Want my boys away from that house.” His stare lifted to mine.
“Gonna be honest, babe. With you by my side, it’ll look good for me with the judge.
I’ve been turned down for custody three times now because I couldn’t offer Rex and Rome a stable home life.
You’re the full package: smart, beautiful, ballsy, and you’re a professional woman too.
Gonna get this out of the way now so there’s no bullshit mix-ups later.
I’m not here because of that. I’m here because you’re the first woman who’s ever turned my head like this. Everythin’ else about you is a bonus.”
That was good to hear. It wasn’t that I thought I was the catch of the century, but with the life Pagan lived, he probably didn’t come across many women he had chemistry with who would have passed a judge’s inspection when it came to taking on custody of two teenage boys.
A ringtone suddenly pealed, and I looked around for my cell phone.
“It’s mine,” Pagan told me, getting up from his stool and grabbing his cell from the countertop near the stove. He glanced at the screen, his jaw tightening slightly, before answering with, “Yo, Boot.”
Boot was short for Bootneck, Pagan’s sergeant at arms. I’d met him briefly at the party last weekend and of course, saw him earlier when he turned up with Pagan.
He listened to the voice on the other end of the phone for a minute and then replied, “So, get Castle to deal with it. He’s got the gavel when I’m not there.
” Pagan listened to Bootneck’s reply and ran a frustrated hand over his head.
“Well, there’s not much I can do tonight.
It’ll take me five hours to ride back.” He tipped his head back and heaved a breath out.
“Alright. I’ll get on the road.” He clicked to end the call.
My heart sank. “You’re leaving.”
His eyes came back down to meet mine, and he scraped a hand over his face. “Yeah. We’ve got an emergency with local law enforcement stirrin’ shit down at our strip club.”
“Right,” I whispered, turning away to hide the rush of tears springing to my eyes.
Jesus, what was the matter with me? So Pagan had to leave; he was the man in charge, and it was his job to deal with problems at the club. I’d grown up around bikers, so I knew the way it worked.
Still, I couldn’t help feeling irked. Being with Pagan tonight and talking so openly about his life had taken my mind off my dad. Whatever I did, his death was always at the back of my mind, except for tonight. For the first time in weeks, Pagan had helped me to forget.
“Hey,” he said gently, pulling me into him. He tucked a lock of hair behind my ear while his other hand cupped my face. “Last thing I wanna do is go out in the cold and ride for hours, but I’m the prez, and I’m needed there.”
I forced a smile onto my face. “It’s okay. I get it.”
His eyes searched mine. “You’re not pissed?”
“Disappointed, maybe. Mad, no,” I assured him.
“Why don’t you come up for the weekend?” he suggested. “You could drive up tomorrow and stay at the clubhouse with me.”
“I was going to go see my mam, and tell her what happened with my boss,” I explained.
He dipped his chin, his stare never leaving mine. “Can’t you do both?”
My smile widened. “I don’t see why not.”
“It’s a plan then?”
“Yeah, honey,” I murmured. “It’s a plan.”
Pagan’s hand dropped, and he disappeared into the bedroom, reappearing a minute later wearing a sweatshirt, with his boots in one hand and a backpack in the other. He sat on my couch and pulled his boots on before getting to his feet to shrug on his leather jacket. “You gonna be okay, Dubheasa?”
I grabbed the scarf he put on me earlier and stepped forward to wind it around his neck while he put on a pair of gloves. “Yeah. I’m going straight to bed. I’ve got an early start tomorrow.”
Pagan swiped a leather-clad thumb across my lip. “See you tomorrow?”
“Yeah,” I breathed. “Ride safe. It’s icy out there.”
“Been ridin’ in all weathers since I was eighteen, babe. Know what I’m doin’.” He leaned down and brushed my lips with his before grabbing his bag, turning, and making for the door. “Lock up after me.” He gave me a loose, one-finger salute, opened the door, and was gone.
The soft click of the latch echoed around my suddenly empty apartment. My chest tightened with low-key embarrassment at how let down I felt by a man I’d only known for a handful of days.
The air seemed to bear down on my shoulders, and suddenly it felt like I couldn’t breathe. Ten minutes ago, Pagan was feeding me from his plate and telling me about his life, and now, his absence felt like a physical, tangible thing.
It was too easy for me to act like I was fine with him leaving and that I didn’t care; after all, I’d had a lot of practice lately.
—————
I thought I was dreaming when I felt the mattress dip.
An arm snaked over my waist as a firm body pressed against my back, and my heart thumped hard against my ribcage. Then I caught a scent of citrusy, spicy cologne, and I knew who it was.
Pagan.
“Got to Boulder and turned back,” he whispered before kissing my shoulder softly. “Didn’t wanna leave you.”
“What about the club?” I asked sleepily.
“Spoke to Castle. He can deal.”
My belly warmed. “You need me to get you anything?”
“No, baby, just need you to go to sleep. We’ve got an early start.”
“Okay,” I whispered, my eyes already fluttering closed.
I felt an open brush of lips on my shoulder blade and then a contented, throaty growl as his bare hand skimmed the skin of my stomach.
It was crazy how far I’d fallen in so little time.
Gone was the good Catholic girl who adored her daddy and was desperate to make her mammy happy, and in her place was a woman who let an outlaw biker invade her bed, her life, and her heart.
He cradled me against his chest, and I sighed happily before murmuring, “Goodnight, Pagan.”
“Aiden,” he said huskily. “My name’s Aiden.”
“Aiden,” I repeated softly, testing out the feel of it on my tongue and finding I liked it immensely.
“Go to sleep now, Dubheasa,” he ordered softly.
I smiled to myself and murmured, “Okay. Goodnight... Aiden.”
Then I did exactly what he said and drifted off to sleep.