Chapter 17
AISLYNN
It was dark by the time we got back to the Kings of Anarchy clubhouse, but the night was still warm, which was probably why, when Pagan rode through the clubhouse gates, some of the men were hanging outside with a couple of the club girls, including Saskia.
Pagan directed his bike to his fancy president’s parking spot and cut the engine, holding his hand out for me to take as I dismounted.
I took my helmet off and shook my hair out, watching as Pagan kicked the bike on its stand and got off, jerking his chin at his men as he removed his helmet and hung it on the handlebars.
Placing my helmet on the seat, I smiled to myself as Pagan slid his arm across my shoulders and walked me into the clubhouse.
The bar was busy, not party night busy, but still full of brothers and club girls. The lights were turned low, and the atmosphere was heavy with the bass of the Massive Attack song thumping through the speakers.
Pagan steered me toward the spot at the bar where he always sat with the other officers. Thug was there, talking to Castle and Nox. He saw me and nudged the others, who looked round and called out their greetings as we approached.
“Here, Ash, take my seat,” Castle offered.
Pagan sat me down on it and gestured to the prospect working the bar for a beer. “Did the boys go up okay?” he asked.
Thug nodded.
“Isn’t it a bit early for them to go to bed?” I asked Pagan.
“Don’t like ’em down here after nine,” he explained.
“Things can get spicy, and they’re too young for that shit.
They’ve got a TV and their games console up there so they can do their own thing for a while.
Still, the sooner I find us somewhere to live, the better. The clubhouse is no place for kids.”
“I’ll design a great house for you,” I joked. “You’ve got plenty of space here.”
“Ash?” Scrap the prospect called over. “Beer for you too?”
“Just a Coke,” I confirmed, watching as he bent to the fridges. He pulled out a beer and a glass bottle of soda, popped the tops off, and placed them on the bar before walking away to serve somebody else.
“Long time no see, darlin’,” Nox greeted. “Roxie told me she hasn’t met up with you for a while, either.”
“Are you two back together?” I asked.
His cheeks reddened. “Nah. Not yet.”
I took a swig of my Coke, hiding my smile. I was proud of Roxie for standing her ground. Nox thought he could have his cake and eat it, and my friend deserved better. “I’ve been seeing out my contract at work,” I explained. “So I’ve stayed down in Denver. I’ve finished now though.”
Pagan shot me a sexy wink and announced, “She’s officially an architect.”
“Congrats,” Nox rumbled, leaning over and giving me a hug.
“Will you take your fuckin’ hands off my woman?” Pagan grated out.
Castle let out an amused snort.
Thug cackled.
Nox shook his head at Pagan, but still he stepped back.
I rolled my eyes at Pagan, who deadpanned at me, his stare never leaving mine as he took a long pull of beer. He reached behind him to grab a free stool and slid onto it, bracing his elbow on the bar and holding his head in his hand.
“Are you okay, honey?” I asked.
“Have you still not slept?” Castle asked him.
“Nah, but I reckon I’ll sleep okay tonight,” Pagan replied. “It’s just as well ’cause we’ve got that run to Casper tomorrow mornin’, so I wanna get some shut-eye.”
“I forgot about that,” Castle cut in. “It’s a three-hour ride each way, so you make sure you can stay awake for it.” He turned to me. “Don’t you keep him up all night?”
My cheeks heated.
Pagan glared at him. “Shut the fuck up.”
I placed my hand on Pagan’s arm. “It’s okay. I have to go anyway. I’m staying at Mam’s, and she’ll be waiting up for me. We had a long drive today, and she’ll be tired.”
“Aren’t you a bit old for your ma to wait up for you?” Thug teased.
“I know,” I agreed. “I haven’t lived at home for years, but every time I stay there, she waits up for me, and my brothers, too. It’s just the way she is.”
“It’s good she cares,” Castle stated.
“I know,” I agreed with a smile as I slid off the stool, which Castle immediately commandeered again. I stepped toward Pagan and curled my fingers around his nape. “You get some sleep, honey. We’ll talk tomorrow.”
“Got some paperwork to finish off in the office and then I’ll turn in,” he assured me.
I studied his eyes, which by then were half-mast with exhaustion, and my heart squeezed.
His lack of sleep was starting to really worry me.
“Can you carve out some time to go to the VA soon? They may be able to give you some meds. You don’t have to take them every night, just when you really need them. ”
He got to his feet, pulled me toward him, his eyes softening as he murmured, “Yeah, baby. I’ll carve out some time.”
I brought my fingers up to touch his face gently, taking in the circles under his eyes and tired expression. “Go do your paperwork and get some sleep.”
He leaned down and touched his mouth to mine, while at the same time patting my ass. “Drive safe, Dubheasa. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“I’ll see ya to your car, Ash,” Nox offered. “I wanna go for a smoke anyway.”
We headed toward the door and emerged into the parking lot, where I noticed Bootneck, Bounty, Cruise, and a few other guys were shooting the shit and smoking. My lip curled slightly when I noticed Saskia was still outside hanging with them too.
They saw me, and Bootneck jerked his chin at Saskia, who turned and disappeared into the clubhouse.
My heart warmed. Boot knew I detested the bitch, so it was nice of him to get rid of her. I shot him a beaming smile. “Hey, Bootneck. You okay?”
His face warmed. “Yeah. You?”
I nodded.
“How’s that boss of yours doin’?” he asked with a smirk. “Can he sit down properly yet?”
The boys laughed, and I giggled along with them. “I don’t know. He hasn’t been back to the office since.”
“Good.” Boot shot me a knowing little wink.
Car headlights appeared at the gates, and I turned to see Roxie’s car slide into the parking lot. “Hey, Ash!” she called out of her open window over the thump of music from the car radio. “Heard you were here. Glad I caught you.”
“Fuck,” Nox muttered from beside me. “Thought she was workin’ tonight.”
“Candy asked to swap with her,” Cruise interjected.
I watched Rox park before walking over and hugging her the second she jumped out. “I’ve been tying up all my loose ends at work,” I explained, pulling back so I could look her in the eyes. “We’ll have to arrange a night out with Zara.”
“Cool,” Roxanne exclaimed. “We’ll come over to Hambleton.
I still haven’t been to your family’s bar.
” She waggled her eyebrows suggestively.
“And maybe we can finally meet all those hot brothers of yours. I caught sight of them when they came here to party a few months back. Good looks run in the family.”
A weird growl escaped Nox’s throat, but Roxanne ignored him and asked, “Where are you heading now?”
“Back to Mam’s,” I told her. “Actually, I’d better call and let her know I’m leaving so she can head to bed.” I went into my jacket pocket to grab my cell, but it wasn’t there, so I went into my crossbody bag and checked.
Nothing.
I looked up at Roxie. “I can’t find my phone.”
“Check again,” she told me. “Is it in a different pocket?”
I patted the sides of my leather jacket and delved inside, checking for the small, rectangular bulk of my cell. “It’s not here.”
Looking up, I caught Boot shooting Nox a weird look, and a strange feeling slid through me.
Something wasn’t right.
“Maybe you dropped it inside,” Roxie suggested.
“Yeah,” I agreed. “It could have fallen out of my pocket when I sat down.
She linked her arm in mine and pulled back toward the clubhouse. “Come on. We’ll check.”
We headed back through the doors, into the bar, and made straight for the seats where Castle was still sitting and talking to Scrap.
His eyes veered toward us, and his brows snapped together. “What’s up? Thought you were leavin’?”
“I am,” I confirmed. “But I can’t find my phone.”
He snorted. “You’re always leavin’ that thing lyin’ around.”
“I haven’t used it,” I stated, checking around the stool where I’d been sitting. “I must’ve dropped it somewhere.”
Castle’s stare dropped to the floor, and he checked around the chairs.
“You’d better go tell the boss,” Bootneck muttered, his eyes darting toward Nox furtively. “Maybe Wiki can pinpoint it.”
“He went to his office right after you left,” Castle informed me. “Come on. I’ll walk you down.” He stood from his stool and gently took my elbow, leading me out back to the corridor. We turned right and walked down to the end, where Pagan’s office was situated.
“Pagan may have found your phone,” Castle suggested.
“He would’ve come after me,” I murmured, my mind still on what the hell could’ve happened to it. “He knows my life’s in there, and I need it. If I can’t find it, I’m screwed.”
We approached Pagan’s office, and Castle rapped on the door before reaching for the handle and pushing it open. “Wiki will find it,” he assured me, heading inside.
He stopped dead and muttered, “Fuck,” before turning around and trying to crowd me back out the door.
“What are you doing?” I demanded. “Why are you acting weird?” My gaze slid past him, and all breath whooshed out of me as I froze.
Pagan was sitting in his office chair with his legs spreadeagled, and Saskia was on her knees in front of him with his dick in her hand, craning her neck and staring at me with a satisfied smirk on her face.
The pain hit me like a punch to the chest. It was like I could literally feel my heart cracking in two. My burning throat clenched so hard, I thought I was about to pass out from lack of air.
“Ash—” Castle muttered. “I—”
“Shut up,” I whispered through the fire in my throat. My voice sounded wrong. It was pitchy and weird, like I’d been possessed, or something.
“Ash,” Pagan rasped, his face dazed. “I can expl—”
“Shut up!” I shrieked, my hand going to rub my aching chest. “What can you possibly say? That the minute my back was turned, you got her in here to suck you off? That fucking bitch?”
Pagan stared down at Saskia like he was seeing her for the first time, and then he suddenly shoved her away so hard that she let out a loud oof and landed flat on her back. He stood while tucking his dick back in his jeans, his eyes glued to mine. “Get her out,” he ordered Castle.
“Why? So she can finish off the job?” I screamed, my breath coming so hard and fast that my chest heaved with the force of it.
He jerked his chin toward Saskia and repeated, “Get her out.”
Castle moved toward Saskia, dragged her to her feet, and guided her toward the door.
The second she came within my reach, I turned, grabbed her hair, and brought her low until she was bent double at the waist. My back teeth ground together as she let out a loud screech.
I let her go with one hand, balled it into a fist, and punched the side of her face, just like my friend Sophie had taught me.
Saskia let out a yelp.
I punched her again, dragging her lower and gripping tighter as I slowly ripped her hair out of her skanky bitch head, making her cry out in pain.
“I’m gonna fucking kill you!” I screamed as I went in again, grabbing another handful of hair and dragging her closer and cracking my knee up hard into her face.
“Get her out,” Pagan bellowed.
Castle grabbed my hands and forced them open until Saskia pulled away and ran for the door.
“If I ever see you again, I’ll fucking kill you,” I screamed after her as she bolted into the hallway. “Watch your back, bitch. You know who my uncle is. I’ll get a hit put out on your used-up cunt.”
Castle was tight-lipped as he headed for the door. He shot Pagan a venomous glare and then disappeared after Saskia.
“Ash—” Pagan began.
My head whipped around to face him, and I slashed a hand through the air. “Don’t fucking bother.”
He scraped a hand down his face. “It’s not what—”
I cut him off again with a brittle laugh.
“Don’t tell me,” I spat, injecting as much sarcasm as I could into my tone.
“It’s not what it looked like, Ash. She was just checking my cock for STDs ‘cause it’s been up so much used whore cunt.
Ash.” I looked him up and down, sneering.
“Don’t fucking bother lying to me, Pagan.
I see what you are, a weak-assed cheating asshole. ”
His eyes narrowed. It was like I could see the man bleed out and the calculating, emotionless MC prez take his place. “So fuckin’ what if I got my cock sucked. It’s not like you put out.”
“There they are,” I retorted quietly. “Your true colors.”
He cocked a brow. “You’re mad as fuck for a bitch who’s not even my ol’ lady.”
“Yeah,” I agreed. “And now I never will be.”
His eyes held mine in challenge. “Fuck off then.”
I looked at him—really looked at him—taking in everything for the last time.
He stared back, his dark eyes blank and unwavering. “You still here?” he asked pointedly.
My stomach dropped, and I blinked owlishly at him.
I couldn’t think straight. My head felt like it was full of static, like a TV left turned on after the station had signed off.
I wanted to scream until my throat bled, or punch the walls, or even better still, punch Pagan.
Instead, I stared at him like he was no better than a used-up, spat-out piece of gum on the ground and bit out, “Go fuck yourself,” in a voice so full of hate that I didn’t even recognize it as my own.
He shrugged, turned, and sat back down at his desk, not even sparing me a glance. “You can see yourself out.”
I let out a snort and turned for the door. Then, just as I was leaving, Pagan called after me, “If you see Saskia, send her back in. She may as well finish the job.”
An invisible punch knocked the wind out of me.
I swallowed down the lump in my throat, tilted my chin up, and walked out of there, with words my mam once said floating through my mind.
That man’s got demons living inside him that nobody can fix. Not even you. Hell, my girl, not even him. He’s going to chew you up and spit you out when he’s done.
I swiped at the single tear that fell down my cheek.
When was I going to learn?
A girl should always listen to her mammy.