Chapter 20 #2
Donny began flicking through the telegrams that had been sent to Callum and Maeve by the people who hadn’t been able to make it.
“Ma’s family back in Roscommon send their apologies.
They couldn’t make it today but wish you a long and happy marriage.
The same from Da’s sister in Belfast; Aunt Margaret sends all her love and says she can’t wait to see you when you arrive there on your honeymoon.
” He stopped at one in particular and did a double take.
“Your old football teammates from college send their apologies, Callum. The boys couldn’t be here today, but they wanted me to pass along a message to Maeve.
” He paused briefly, then relayed, “They told me to let you know that he was useless in most positions, and they hope that you have better luck tonight.”
A wave of laughter filled the room, and a loud bellowing chuckle went up from Atlas.
“Lord deliver me,” Ma cried through it.
Callum’s cheeks stained red.
Maeve bent double, laughing.
Mam ran her index finger across her throat, indicating what she was about to do to Donovan if he didn’t shut up, her face pinched with embarrassment.
I rolled my lips together to stop myself from laughing.
The grin died on Donovan’s face, and he put the telegrams down on the table before picking up his glass and calling out, “Callum and Maeve, may your troubles be less and your blessings be more. May you never lie, steal, or cheat—but if you must lie, be sure to lie with each other every night. If you must steal, steal each other’s hearts every day.
And if you must cheat, cheat death to live a long and beautiful life together.
” Raising his glass high, Donny called out, “Friends, family, and loved ones, please join me in raising a glass to the happy couple... Callum and Maeve.”
We all stood from our seats in the massive reception room and echoed, “Callum and Maeve,” before taking a drink.
The music began to thump through the speakers, while Ma, Maeve, and my brothers stood talking in a huddle.
My skin prickled, and sensing a presence behind me, I glanced over my shoulder to see Castle there. “Oh hey!” I greeted.
“You okay?” he asked, dipping his chin.
“Yeah,” I confirmed. “You having a good time?”
“It’s a great weddin’. Donovan’s speech was fuckin’ great.” He pulled back slightly and looked me up and down. “You look amazin’. Pagan hasn’t been able to take his eyes off you all day.”
“I’m surprised he came,” I murmured.
“It’s an excuse for him to see you,” Castle pointed out.
“I don’t think he needs an excuse,” I said dryly. “He’s been popping up everywhere I go all week.”
Castle’s lips twitched.
I looked around. “Where is he, anyway?”
He nodded toward the bar. “Talkin’ to your cousin.”
I followed his gesture, and my throat tightened when I saw him deep in conversation with my bitch cousin, Erin. My eyebrows pulled together as I watched him tuck a lock of hair behind her ear as he laughed at something she said.
Fuck, it hurt.
Bad.
Castle must have seen the pain flicker across my face because he said, “He’s doin’ it to make you jealous.”
I gave him a tight-lipped smile.
“Don’t sweat it.” His stare drifted back toward Pagan. “He’s been a mess. The only people he doesn’t rage at are his boys.”
“I’m not sweating it, Castle,” I told him quietly. “Seeing that just proves I did the right thing by ending it with Pagan.”
He grinned and muttered, “Yeah, right,”
“Jesus,” I exclaimed. “You’re as bad as him.”
He barked a laugh.
My eyebrows pulled together. “Wait. Where’s Bootneck? Couldn’t he make it? He was definitely invited.”
Castle’s face took on a strange look. “Nah. He’s busy.”
“They’re usually inseparable,” I went on.
“They had a bit of a fight a while back, and things aren’t back to normal yet,” Castle relayed, his expression guarded.
I cocked a brow. “Was Pagan being a dick to him too?”
“Boot brought it on himself, babe. Believe me, you don’t owe him your loyalty. Pagan was right to pull him up on his shit. Bootneck’s been gettin’ himself way too involved in other people’s business lately, and he needed to be told.”
My eyes widened. “What did he do?”
Castle’s guarded look returned, and he muttered, “Can’t possibly say. Club business.”
I rolled my eyes.
“Hold on tight, sweetheart,” Castle muttered. “Pagan’s just noticed us. He’s on his way over.”
“Surprised he could tear himself away from Erin for long enough to bother,” I said under my breath, just as Pagan’s voice cut in.
“Havin’ fun?”
I stayed facing ahead, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of even acknowledging him.
“Just catchin’ up,” Castle informed him.
I felt fingers curl around my waist, and Pagan tugged me backward until my back was pressed against his front. “Hey, baby,” he murmured in my ear from behind. “I like your dress. Wanna go somewhere so I can peel it off ya?”
My heart fluttered.
“Why? Is Erin busy? I snapped, immediately regretting it when I heard his deep chuckle.
“Jealous?” he asked.
I threw him a glance. “No, honey. In fact, I’m sure there’s an office somewhere you can take her.” I smiled sweetly. “Want me to ask Mac Meadows for you?”
“You’re the only girl I’ll be takin’ to an office,” he muttered in my ear.
“Had your fill of Saskia already?” I sassed. “Didn’t take long.”
“Nah,” he cut out. “I think she’s a bit tied up at the moment.”
Castle let out a quiet snort.
I sniffed haughtily. “I bet.”
“Yep,” he grinned. “You’re jealous as fuck.”
“Why would I be jealous?” I tossed back, ignoring the painful twist of my stomach.
I forced an air of nonchalance into my tone.
“We were never really together, remember? And we’re certainly not now, so you can do whatever and whoever you want.
” His hand splayed across my hip, so possessive it made my skin burn.
His breath, sweet with the scent of whiskey, hit my ear. “Only wanna do you. Especially in that dress. Make sure you keep it, so when we’re back together properly, you can wear it for me before I tip that sexy skirt up over your ass and drill that tight little pussy of yours in it.”
Castle scratched his jaw and chuckled.
“Dream on,” I bit out.
“Every night, baby girl, and always of you.” He leaned closer and murmured, “I went to the VA, and you were right; they gave me some meds to help me sleep. Don’t take ’em every night, just when I really need ’em, but they’ve helped.
” He squeezed me a little tighter, and my thighs quivered at the contact.
“Come on,” he ordered, tugging me toward the open doors that led to the patio.
“Pagan,” I protested softly. “There’s no point in this.”
“Just wanna talk,” he promised. “Give me this, then I’ll leave you alone.”
“Why don’t I believe you?” I muttered to myself, allowing him to pull me outside.
He shot me a grin. “Because you know me well.”
Pagan led me out to the patio, the sharp click of my heels loud against the old flagstones.
Tiny, twinkling lights flickered overhead, casting a soft, honeyed glow over the tables and chairs.
Guests spilled from the barn onto the lawn with their drinks in hand, and soft laughter and chatter filled the air along with the thump of music playing from inside.
Pagan guided me to the far edge of the terrace where the light was dim, and nobody could hear our conversation. My throat burned because I wished more than anything that we could just be a normal couple at a normal wedding, enjoying ourselves like everyone else, except we weren’t.
We weren’t anything.
And it was killing me.
I shouldn’t have missed him, but it wasn’t something I could control. If I could have switched off my feelings, I would have done it without hesitation, but I was stuck with loving a man who betrayed me; a man I couldn’t find it in me to forgive.
He turned, looked at me, and scraped a hand down his face, deep in thought.
“Well?” I asked. “I thought you wanted to talk.”
He held a hand up. “Gimme a minute, baby. I’m tryin’ not to be a cunt.”
Despite myself, I laughed.
“Okay, here goes,” he said determinedly. “So, it’s like this. Bein’ without you fuckin’ blows. What happened was a fuckup on my part, but not in the way you think.”
My blood pressure started to spike.
“Really?” I sassed. “Because seeing Saskia’s head between your legs was pretty darned convincing.”
“It was a setup,” he declared.
I let out a brittle laugh. “You set that up? Right, of course. And why did you do that?”
“I didn’t set it up,” he denied.
“Jesus Christ,” I drawled. “This is getting pathetic.”
He looked at me, his face almost wounded. “I’m not lyin’.”
“What exactly is it about me that makes you think I’m gullible?” I demanded.
He stared down at me.
“There’s no point having this conversation,” I declared.
“No point?” he repeated, his lip curling into a sneer. “Jesus, how did I never realize what a bitch you are?”
I popped my hip. “Oh, I dunno. Maybe it was because you were so busy being a bastard.”
He leaned down and got in my face. “I’m startin’ to think all this is a blessin’ in disguise. I dodged a fuckin’ bullet with you.”
I ignored how his words caused my heart to sting and shot back, “Why are you here then?”
He stood straight and took a step back. “Good question,” he muttered, shaking his head at me as if I wasn’t worth his precious time. “I’ll remedy that now. You want me gone so bad, bitch? Consider it done.” He turned and began to saunter away.
God knows what came over me. Maybe it was because Pagan had the balls to be angry with me when it was him who broke us.
Or maybe it was because he tried to make excuses for what happened and play the innocent party.
Whatever it was, it ignited a fire in my chest, and I needed to hurt him as much as he hurt me.
“Pagan,” I called after him.
He stopped and craned his neck to look at me.
I jammed a hand to my hip and narrowed my eyes. “This time, be sure to stay away.”
The raw pain that flashed across his face took my breath away because it mirrored exactly how I felt inside. I straightened my back and steeled myself against the ache in my heart.
He jerked a nod, turned around, and disappeared into the party without a backward glance.
And in that moment, I learned a hard lesson.
Getting the last word didn’t always feel like a win.