Chapter 36 #2
Not able to summon any sympathy for the women who destroyed my relationship with Rattler, or perhaps, looking at it another way, stopped me from making a mistake, I focus on something else.
I can kind of see the point of the club wanting to have sex on tap in-house.
But surely it’s just of benefit to the bikers, and not for the girls themselves.
“Why would any girl want to live like that? Knowing they’re just there to provide sex on demand? ”
“I was married at sixteen to a man my father had chosen for his own reasons. He was much older than me, and abusive. We never made love, it was always rape. After ten years he started to hurt me so badly, I’d have died if I hadn’t managed to get away.
The Kings of Anarchy stepped in and saved me.
” Her eyes have glazed. “Not just here in Arizona, but clubs spread from New York to here, they helped me escape. And for no reason other than they hated men who abuse women.” She huffs.
“I certainly didn’t have money to pay them.
” After glancing pointedly at me, she helps herself to another drink.
“I ended up here. While I healed, I got to learn about the men. They’re good guys, and the total opposite of my ex who’d relished in taking his hands to me.
I was married young, hadn’t had an education, and had no skills to find work.
What options were open to me? I decided letting men I respected use my body was better than being raped by a man I’d grown to hate. ”
My jaw has been dropping while she was talking. Now it’s almost on the floor. For a moment all I can think of to say is, “I’m sorry that happened to you.”
She grins at me. “I’m not. It might have been a rocky road, but I ended up exactly where I want to be. With Freak and Ace.” Then her face falls.
“I’m sorry if I fucked that up.” I’m being sincere.
She shrugs. “I’ll just have to get Ace to bring him around if Freak’s still lost in his head.”
“How old’s your son?”
Her mouth curves upward again. “Sixteen, going on thirty. Tonight he’s out gaming with a school friend and staying over.”
Her son’s only three years younger than me. No wonder she thinks I’m a child. But I’ve had to grow up fast.
“The other girls, Star…?”
“Heaven and Sweetie,” she fills in.
“They’ve got similar back stories?”
“Their stories are theirs,” she retorts sharply. “But there’s more than one reason why women like them end up here. And sometimes it’s simply that they enjoy sex.”
“But not with Rattler,” I can’t help putting in.
She reaches for the vodka again, considering her words for a minute.
“Sometimes any of the brothers might just want to get off, other times they’ll put more effort into it, if you get what I mean.
But thems the chances the girls take. Club girls get food, lodging and money to spend, and they get the protection of the MC.
Rattler’s not the only one who’s liable to take and not give.
But it all evens out in the end. The problem with Rat, is that he’s,” she glances at me, and presses her lips together, “Well, to the club, since he patched in, he’s not been the easiest person to like. ”
I’ve also been taking turns at the vodka, which probably explains why I now confide, “Rattler pushes people away to test them.” As her brows rise, I continue, “He was abandoned as a baby, every time he found a home to settle in, he was moved on. He blames himself for being unloveable. So, when he found his place here, he couldn’t trust that he wouldn’t be sent away — not consciously of course, but some instinct leads him to try their patience, testing where the boundaries lie.
He and I talked about it, I think he now knows that’s what he’s doing. ”
It’s her mouth that’s now dropped open. “That kind of makes sense.” Then her brow creases. “So if you’re the one who understands him, what do you think it will do to him if you walk away now? Won’t you just be confirming his notion he’s impossible to love?”
Oh my God! I hadn’t thought of that. “It will confirm people leave him. But how can I stay, Trix? Knowing what I do now?”
She reclaims the vodka. “You know fuck all. Tell me, Ames, has he kissed you?”
“Well, yeah.”
She nods sagely. “He never kisses the club girls. It’s rare that any of them do.
It’s something they reserve for their special lady, much like the pillion seat on their bikes.
You have no idea what he’ll be like with you.
” She takes another drink, then confides, “These men are over-protective, they’ll do anything to keep their old ladies safe.
And look at Short, Freak and Saint, all they want is to make sure their women are happy. In bed and out of it.”
Suddenly I hate myself. “I’m sorry I fucked things up with you and Freak.”
She suddenly finds the vodka bottle very interesting, then raises her shoulders to her ears before lowering them. “Freak will come around, I’m sure.” Waggling her hand, she tells me, “Maybe it will be a bit rocky for a while, but I’m his soulmate, and he’s mine.”
I give careful consideration to her words. “Are you telling me I should give Rattler a chance?”
Lost in reflection, she doesn’t immediately answer.
Then, she raises her eyes. “Rattler’s different with you.
He told you his history for a start — which, by the way, will go no further.
I’ll keep my mouth shut.” She pauses, then moves her shoulders up and down again.
“I truly think he’ll be different with you.
To be honest, after what you told me, even I’ll be looking at him differently. ”
“I need the bathroom.” I stand, then sway.
“You okay?” She hovers midway out of her chair.
I wave her off. Then giggle. “Think that ninety-five percent proof is getting to me.”
I manage to make my way to the en suite and relieve my bladder. But when I re-enter the bedroom, my head is spinning. “How long do you think it will be before they unlock the door?”
“How long’s a piece of string?” She grins.
I gesture toward the bed. “I think I need to lie down.”
Standing, she lets out an overly loud laugh as she’s also unsteady. “Just let me go clean up, and I think I’ll be joining you.”