Chapter Eighteen
Knuckles
Pain.
So much fucking pain.
It’s everywhere. Coiling in my ribs, drowning my lungs, burning behind my eyes. My whole body is screaming at me to lie down, close my eyes, and let the darkness take me.
But I can’t.
I can’t leave Eli unprotected.
From the moment the doctor told me I had months left to live, I’ve felt it…that ticking bomb inside me. Counting down. Waiting. I didn’t know the exact second it would go off, but I knew it’d be too soon.
I’d wanted things. Stupid, beautiful things.
A wife. Maybe a kid.
A life where I got to grow old and complain about my back hurting for reasons other than cancer devouring my lungs.
But none of that’s happening.
My bloodline ends with me. A dead end.
How fucking pathetic is that?
“Are you okay?” Eli whispers, not wanting to attract the guard's attention.
Cortéz…the cowardly little rat…had us dragged into some damp-ass basement and then ran off to whatever hole he hides his balls in. The room smells like mold and old concrete. A single grimy window lets in a strip of light. Just enough for me to see Eli’s wide eyes shining with fear.
“I’m okay, sweetheart,” I lie.
I’m not. God, I’m not even remotely okay.
Every breath feels like I’m sucking air through wet cement. I can hear that rattling in my lungs. The one that means blood is pooling. Filling. Rising.
Drowning me from the inside out.
Lying down sounds heavenly. Just sinking into the floor, letting the pain fade… letting the weight go… letting this fucking disease win.
But that’s not my call to make anymore.
Because the universe decided to throw one last job at me before I check out.
Keep this sweet, terrified man alive until Skip gets here.
“Knuckles,” Eli whispers. “I’m still really scared… but my body’s starting to calm down.”
Fuck.
“What do I do, sweetheart?” I ask, voice low, rough. Not because I’m trying to be gentle…because it fucking hurts to talk.
“Nothing,” he says with a shaky smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. “I shouldn’t be out for more than a minute. Sometimes it’s only seconds before I come back. But it…it takes hours for my body to recover.”
“What about that time you were out for hours?” I ask. “When Skip and I found you in the bathroom?”
“That was different,” he says. “I’d been overdoing it for weeks. That was my body forcing a shutdown. It shouldn’t happen again. Not now, anyway.”
I nod, though my head swims.
I move closer and lower myself beside him. Every bone in my body protests, but I push through and gently guide his head onto my lap.
“Lay your head down, Eli,” I murmur. “If you faint, I don’t want you hitting the floor.”
And if someone walks in…I’ll fight them.
For as long as this broken body lets me.
Maybe only seconds.
Maybe only one punch.
But I’ll fight.
Because life is funny like that. When you know you’re dying…you finally figure out what’s worth living for.
“Knuckles,” Eli whispers, voice already going thin. “Don’t die.”
I swallow hard. It burns. Everything burns.
“I’ll fight like hell to keep you safe,” I tell him honestly.
“It’s not because I’ll be left alone,” he whispers, his words slurring. “It’s because…I don’t wanna…to lose my friend…I’m going…down, Knucks.”
His breathing slows, and in seconds, he’s out.
Mine doesn’t. My lungs feel like they’re filling faster. Heavier.
I lean my head back against the cold concrete wall, eyes slipping shut for a moment I can’t afford.
Come on, brothers. Hurry the fuck up.
I know you’re coming. I know you’ve got a plan.
Just…just get here before this body taps out.
My breath rattles like a loose bolt in an engine ready to seize.
The room tilts.
Pain blooms deep in my chest like a wildfire eating what’s left of me.
God. I know I’m going to hell. I’ve done shit that earns a one-way ticket.
But please…Just give me this one thing. Let me get Eli home. Let me put him back in Skip’s arms.
Give me the strength long enough to keep him safe. Let me do at least one good thing before the lights go out.
Then…then I can finally stop fighting.
I can let the darkness take me without guilt…without fear…without wondering if I failed the one person who trusted me in his worst, most terrified moment.
Just let me get him home.
After that?
Yeah.
Then you can have me.
Let me get this man safe…and then I’ll fucking die happily.