Chapter Six
Abby
“Everything is superficial,” Patch says to my brother. “The cuts are surface-level scratches. They’ll heal quickly and won’t leave scars. My guess? Whoever did this knew exactly what they were doing. Likely someone into blood play.”
“I talked to the bartender from last night,” Bubby adds. “He said he cut her off, gave her a glass of water, and was about to call her a ride when she disappeared.”
They’re all talking around me. Not to me.
I get it.
Every time they’ve asked me a question, I’ve stayed silent.
I’m still trying to wrap my head around the possibility that maybe… I didn’t actually consent to what was done to me.
“I don’t care how fucking drunk someone is,” Tank snaps. “The second someone carves into your skin, it sobers you up. There’s no way alcohol alone explains why she doesn’t remember.”
“He gave me a drink,” I say suddenly, standing up from the couch.
Every head turns toward me.
“It was in a glass,” I continue quietly. “And I know how stupid that was.”
My hands shake, but I keep going.
“I’m going to head home. I have a Swarovski shipment being delivered tomorrow, and I need to be there to sign for it.”
I’m grateful they didn’t clear out my old place at the compound. I grabbed a nightgown the second Patch finished examining me and put it on before I could think too hard about being exposed.
I move toward the door, intending to ask Eli to take me back to the shop.
A hand grips my shoulder, and I react before my mind catches up.
“Don’t touch me!” I shout, jerking away.
The room goes dead silent.
It takes a second for reality to settle.
When I look up, I see my brother.
Bubby.
His eyes are full of hurt… and fury.
“I’m sorry,” I say quickly. “I…I don’t know why I did that. You can touch me. I just… got scared.”
Something in his expression breaks.
He pulls me gently into his chest and presses a kiss to the top of my head.
When I step back, everyone is staring at me with mixed emotions. Rage, guilt, and fear all warring in their eyes.
But beneath it all, there’s one shared emotion.
Pity.
“I need to go home,” I repeat.
I wasn’t lying. The crystals are arriving tomorrow, and I do have to sign for them…but because of their value, I’ll need to take my ID to the post office to collect them. So technically, I don’t actually need to be home for that.
“I just need the quiet,” I lie. “I’ll be better in a few days, and we can go over everything again if you need me to.”
Another lie.
I don’t think I’ll ever be better again.
“I’ll take her,” Tank says.
My first instinct is to tell him no. But if keeping my mouth shut gets me away from the pity faster, then silence it is.
Outside, Tank walks me to his truck and helps me climb in.
“Abby,” Riley says, rushing out of her house. “I’m so sorry. I can’t believe we didn’t think to call you when the plans….what’s going on? Spike, what happened to her? I thought you said she just got drunk. She looks like more than that.”
“Come on,” Spike says quietly. “Abigail needs to go home and rest.”
“I’m coming with you,” Eli says, stepping toward the truck. “I’ll ride in the back.”
“No, you’re not, pretty boy,” Skip says, pulling him away. “Abby needs space. You all can storm her life again later.”
“We’re so sorry,” Eli calls. “We’ll never forgive ourselves for making you feel left out.”
I want to tell them I forgive them.
And I do…with my heart.
But my mind and my body are at war with it.
My heart understands they were busy. It aches to hug them all and say it’s okay.
But my body? My mind?
They don’t even want their eyes on me.
My body doesn’t feel like it belongs to me anymore, and my mind is screaming to hide. To lock myself away in my apartment where nothing can touch me.
So that’s what I’m going to do.
When we pull up to my shop, I wait for Tank to help me down from his monster of a truck. Once upon a time, I would’ve loved his hands on me. Even something as innocent as him steadying me.
Now?
Nothing.
No warmth. No comfort. No reaction at all.
My heart forgives my friends.
But this man?
That forgiveness doesn’t reach him.
It’s not because I blame him. What happened is no one’s fault but my own.
But I haven’t forgotten what his constant rejections did to my heart…over and over and over again.
Tank unlocks the shop door. My keys were in the bag my attacker took. A warning buzzes in the back of my mind, but I ignore it.
“Let me get you tucked into bed,” he says. “I’ll make you something to eat.”
I walk past him, through my shop, ignoring the words.
“Goodnight, Tank,” I say when I reach the door leading upstairs.
“Let me help you, baby,” he says, unlocking it anyway.
I sigh. He’ll need to unlock the apartment door, too. There’s no avoiding it.
When he comes back down, I head upstairs and close the door behind me.
I turn toward the bathroom.
“Abigail,” he says, following me. “I think you should stay at the compound.”
I need to get those keys back.
“I’m taking a shower and going to bed,” I say flatly. “I appreciate your help, but I want to be alone.”
“We both know that’s not true, baby,” he says softly.
I force myself not to react to the nickname.
How many times had I wished he’d call me baby?
An embarrassing number of times.
“You don’t like being alone,” he continues. “You hate the quiet. We both know you only moved out here to get away from me. Now you’re hurt, and the last thing you need is to be alone. Just let me hold you while you sleep. Let me keep you safe so the dreams stay away. Let me love you, baby.”
That’s it.
Something inside me shatters.
“How dare you,” I say, my voice shaking with disbelief. “How dare you stand there and throw back promises I begged for. How dare you act like you didn’t break me over and over and freaking over every time I told you how much I loved you.”
He opens his mouth, but I don’t let him speak.
“And now you want to give me your heart?” I continue, anger flooding out of me. “Now you want to keep me safe so the dreams won’t come? Are you kidding me, Tank?”
I laugh sharply, bitter and broken.
“What about when I called you from Sammy’s house for weeks because the nightmares wouldn’t stop…and you stopped answering? What about when I came back to the compound, and you acted like being in the same room with me was a damn inconvenience?”
My chest heaves.
“To hell with you.”
I take a shaky breath.
“I fought through the fear. I fought through the nightmares. I did it alone, because you decided you didn’t even want my friendship anymore.”
My voice drops, deadly calm.
“And I’ll do it alone again.”
I point toward the door.
“Go home, Tank. I don’t want you here.”
“Abigail.”
“You got what you wanted, Chad,” I say, using his real name for the first time. I hate it. It doesn’t fit him. It strips away everything familiar, everything safe. And that’s exactly why I use it.
Impersonal is what I need from him right now.
“The poor, pathetic Iron Shadows Princess has finally stopped begging you for love,” I continue, my voice steady even though my hands are shaking. “So go. Let me lick my wounds and heal on my own… again.”
He looks like he wants to argue. Like he wants to fight me on it.
I don’t give him the chance.
I turn and lock myself in the bathroom.
I need a hot shower. I need to feel clean.
An hour later, I step out wrapped in steam and exhaustion…and, somehow, I still feel filthy.
Whatever happened to me didn’t wash away.
I don’t bother checking the locks. I know Tank wouldn’t leave without making sure I’m safe. I swallow the sleeping pills Patch gave me and crawl into bed.
Sleep comes.
Rest does not.
The nightmares pull me backward first.
The hole. Los Fantasmas. The sounds of my friends dying.
Then the dream shifts.
I’m on a bed. A man looms over me. His smile is wrong…twisted. I shake my head as he unbuttons his pants. I try to scream. The sound doesn’t come. Pain blooms as something sharp nicks my skin.
I beg him to stop. He doesn’t.
I wake up gasping, my body soaked in sweat, tears streaking down my face.
But this time… something is different.
This time, clarity settles in my chest like a truth I can’t outrun anymore.
I didn’t consent.
I look toward the corner of the room. He’s there. Rigid. Furious.
Finally…finally…I let myself say the words I’ve been fighting.
“I was raped,” I whisper into the dark.
“I know, baby,” The darkness whispers back.
I don’t reach for him. I don’t ask him to come closer.
I just let his presence steady me.
I’m not ready to let his sudden change of heart rewrite where we stand. I’m not ready to forgive, or hope, or believe in anything beyond survival.
But tonight?
Tonight, I’ll let him be here.
I’ll let his nearness keep the darkness at bay long enough for me to sleep again.
Just for tonight.
…
When I wake, sunlight spills across the room.
And I’m alone.
Always alone.
But for one brief moment in the night…I wasn’t.