Chapter 23 Tex #2
“That was quick,” Jordan said. “That’s not like you. You’re normally an all-night kind of man.” She placed a hand on my bare chest, running her long nails over my tattooed skin. “It’s why the girls love you.”
I shoved a hand through my hair again and looked up, and then froze.
Rowan was standing across the room, right by the bar, her mouth slightly open and her beautiful eyes locked on me.
“Fuck,” I said, and shoved Jordan off me.
Rowan’s eyes moved over my shoulder and I turned to see what she was looking at.
Nancy had just stepped out of the room, still adjusting her skirt.
Everything inside me went still and everything faded until it was just her—Rowan, standing there looking at me like she’d just seen something she couldn’t ever unsee. Something that mattered.
She swallowed, her gaze going back to mine, and the hurt in her expression was palpable.
I didn’t know why that hit harder than any bullet ever could.
It didn’t matter that the room was loud, with the music pounding, bottles clinking, laughter spilling over itself like nothing in the world mattered.
It didn’t matter that Jordan was saying something behind me, or that Nancy was still half-dressed, now adjusting her breasts in her bra like she hadn’t just been a mistake that I couldn’t finish making.
Everything narrowed, right down to Rowan.
She stood just outside the hallway, frozen.
And fuck, I’d seen that look before.
Not fear or anger. It was something much worse.
It was hurt. Pain. And I had done that to her. I had hurt her.
Nancy brushed past me and then Rowan with a muttered excuse, her heels clicking fast across the floor as she disappeared into the crowd. Rowan didn’t move. Didn’t blink.
Instead she just continued to stare at me like she didn’t know who I was anymore.
And maybe she was right because she didn’t know me.
She didn’t know my history and I didn’t know hers.
But there was something in me that wanted her to know me—all of me.
That part of me already felt like she knew parts of me I had never allowed anyone else to see.
And I liked that feeling. Being in that room with that other woman, it had hit me harder than any punch ever had.
My chest tightened so hard it felt like something cracked. “Rowan—” I began, and it was like the bubble burst.
She shook her head once, small and sharp, like she didn’t want to hear whatever was about to come out of my mouth, and that pissed me off, though I didn’t know why.
I was suddenly so angry at her. At the world.
I felt judged and seen, and I desperately wanted to take it all back.
I wanted the image she’d had of me in her head yesterday, not this one.
Not the one that fucked random women with no care.
That drank until he passed out. That killed without fear of retribution.
That had a code he stood by because it meant more to him than anything—more than anyone.
Because none of those things felt like me anymore.
In that moment, all I could think about was making her like me again. Making her look at me like I was something—someone that belonged in her world.
“I can’t believe you. I mean, I should have known, but.” She shook her head and let out a dry laugh. Rage doused my desire and longing for her. Embarrassment at being seen for who I really was, but who I no longer wanted to be making me angry.
“What?” I snapped, stepping toward her. “You gonna stand there lookin’ at me like that or you gonna say something else?”
Her expression shifted, hurt twisting into anger so fast it almost gave me whiplash.
“What would you like me to say, Tex?” she shot back, her voice low and cutting. “That I walked in on you exactly where I should have expected to find you? It was what you were trying to tell me last night, wasn’t it.”
I clenched my jaw. “Don’t start—”
“Oh, I’m not starting anything,” she interrupted, crossing her arms tight over her chest like she was holding herself together. “I just didn’t realize I was that stupid.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Her laugh was sharp. Bitter. “It means I forgot who you were for a hot second, but I remember now.”
Something ugly flared in my gut. Judged. I was being judged, and that had never bothered me before because I didn’t care what people thought about me. But I cared what she thought. I cared about her judgment. And that realization made me furious.
“Oh yeah? And who am I? Enlighten me, Rowan.”
“You’re a biker,” she said, like it tasted bad coming out. “You drink, you fight, and you screw anything that’s willing. You don’t care about anyone else but yourself. That’s your life.”
I stepped closer. “And you got a problem with that?”
“No, I don’t have a problem with it,” she snapped. “I’m the problem. Because I thought that maybe you were different. That maybe you were better than that.”
That word hit harder than it should have.
I scrubbed my hand down my face, my frustration boiling over. “Yeah, well you don’t know a damn thing about me.”
Her eyes flashed. “No, clearly I don’t.”
“I don’t need to listen to this,” I bit out.
“No, you don’t. Because I’m not your woman, and you are definitely not my man.” She glared at me and I had to hold myself still for fear of staggering backwards at her words. “I guess you were right after all.”
“Yeah,” I said, “right about what?”
“We have no future.” She shook her head at me like she hadn’t just delivered the killing blow. “And you clearly never felt anything for me other than trying to get me into bed.”
Silence cracked between us, loud as a gunshot.
I laughed. “What?”
“Was I just a challenge for you, Tex? Was that it? Were you trying to see if you could fuck the ranch girl and then when it got too close you felt sorry for me? Was that it?”
“No,” I said, sounding miserable. I had to stop this or I was going to lose her forever.
“Yeah, I bet that was it. Why else would you make me fall for you only to tell me we had no future?”
“You’re being a fucking idiot, Rowan,” I snapped, embarrassed because everyone was watching now. I could feel everyone’s eyes on us, watching this beautiful woman strip me bare for all the world to see.
“I’m being a fucking idiot? How dare you! You’re just a fucking asshole biker!”
“I’m a fucking asshole?”
“Yes!” she glared at me and I had never seen so much disappointment directed at me before. Not by my parents, not by my brothers. It made me feel sick. It made my chest hurt in ways I hadn’t known possible.
“Rowan…” I tried but she rolled her eyes at me and I all but yelled in her face, “stop being such a bitch and listen to me.”
She froze, her eyes going wide and her mouth opening in shock.
I had to back down and step off. I stumbled for my words, realizing all too late what a fucking idiot I was being. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that.”
Her eyes narrowed, pinning me in place with her hurt and her judgment. “Fuck you.”
“Look, this is going too far, please just listen to me. I didn’t mean that—you’re not a bitch, I’m sorry.”
Her body was tense as she glared at me and I steamrolled on for fear I might not get another chance.
“Before, when I said we had no future, I just meant I’m no good for you. I ruin things—everything. It didn’t mean I didn’t want you. Of course I want you. Any man would be insane not to want you.”
And for a second—just a second—I saw it. The way her eyes dropped to my mouth. The way her breathing hitched. Forgiveness was there if I could just reach her.
I took a step closer, close enough to feel the heat off her skin, close enough that if I leaned in just a little I could…but she stepped back like I’d burned her.
And then she laughed. “No, you want whatever hole you can fill, Tex, and I’m not that kind of woman, and that pains you doesn’t it.”
That pissed me off more than anything else tonight, because I’d literally just turned away a woman. For her.
“You’re actin’ like I owe you somethin’, darlin’,” I said, my voice low and frustrated.
“Darlin’?” she scoffed, “who even are you right now?”
“Listen, I don’t gotta answer to you for what I do or don’t do. I owe you nothing.”
Her chin lifted and she rolled her eyes. “I think you mean who you do or don’t do.”
“For fucks sake,” I huffed out a frustrated breath. “That’s not who I am.”
But it was, wasn’t it. That’s who I had been and who I’d been happy to be. Until now. Until her.
“Well congratulations, Tex,” she shot back, her voice shaking now despite how hard she tried to steady it. “You’re exactly who I thought you were.”
“Then why the hell do you care?” I barked.
“I don’t!”
“Good!” I all but roared, anger coursing through my body. Anger at myself. Anger at her shitty timing. Anger at her for not listening to me and being able to see what I was trying to say.
Her lips parted, but whatever she was about to say never came because a voice suddenly ripped through the clubhouse.
“GET DOWN!”
Time slowed.
I heard it then and I turned in time to see men storming into the clubhouse, the metal of their guns glinting in the low light.
My body moved before my brain caught up.
“Rowan!” I lunged for her just as the first shot rang out.