Chapter Forty-Five #2
How can I help him this time? What can I possibly say to make this right?
I don’t know what destiny has in store for us, but I know one thing for certain: I was wrong. This is not how things are meant to be.
I shake Seth awake, my eyes never leaving Ronan. “They’re here.”
“Who?”
I point, and he squints through the bars that separate our two cells from each other. Then when he sees who it is, he sits bolt upright. “Taran. My gods, what happened?”
“We entered Faros in disguise,” says Taran, collapsing down onto a cot on the other side of the bars.
“We realized something must have happened to all of you when we never received word back from Mama Adama. Quinn flew out to her ship at sea, and she told her you never returned from your mission. We thought we’d find you here.
” His eyes meet Seth’s in the dim light.
“Or rather, we hoped. We were trying to get into the palace undetected, but we were recognized by one of the servants down here. He didn’t mean to give us away, but the guards were called.
We fought, but in the end, they got us with the elixir.
” He holds up his hand to show the small cut where the anti-magic elixir poisoned him.
I look at Ronan where he has slumped and see a gash across his chest. Of course his magic is gone. If he still had it, they wouldn’t be here.
How are we ever going to be able to escape with us all in this state?
The others are waking now. Octavia groggily guides Cyrus in the dark to see what’s going on.
“They had a stockpile in the palace too,” I explain to Taran. “We got the other two, but they’ve suppressed our magic as well.”
“Where are the others? Xu Fushi? Larus?”
“We were separated from Fushi and Warden Hypatia weeks ago. I have no idea what happened to them.”
“And Larus?”
I turn away, my eyes burning with tears.
“Gone,” says Octavia, placing an arm around my shoulder.
“Your majesty,” says Cyrus with a bow. Ronan doesn’t acknowledge him. “Forgive me. I know I have no right to ask. Was Quinn with you as well? Typhon?”
“Typhon stayed in Pyka,” says Taran. “He’s safe. Quinn is out with the legions, still on her griffin, last I saw her.”
“Thank Vayla.”
A pair of guards runs down the hall outside of our cells, and for a moment, I think our time is up, but they keep going past us to some other destination in the dungeons. “We need to figure out how to get out of here before Adria arrives,” I say.
But what can we do? What can I say to Ronan?
How can I get him to trust me again after I abandoned him?
Beside me, apparently unencumbered by the same doubts, Seth starts talking. “Taran, listen to me. We don’t have long. I need to tell you something.”
Taran sighs and turns his head to the side, trying not to appear interested. “Go on, then.”
“Taran, I’m an idiot.”
Taran turns back to face him and lets out a hysterical laugh. “Are you—you’re just now realizing that?”
Seth grips onto the bars between them. “Please let me talk. I’ve had so much time in here to think about it. Gods, I was hoping to see you again to tell you, but not like this. But still, if this is all the time we have left, I need you to know it.
“I was a fool to leave you. You needed me, and I couldn’t handle it.
No one has ever needed me before. I don’t know if I can be that person for you.
I don’t know if we’ll ever get time to find out.
But if I can, I want to. If you still want me.
” He tilts his head down, his cheeks going pink.
“I would understand if you didn’t. I wouldn’t blame you for it.
You were right about me. I’m a coward, and I’m selfish, and I don’t know if I can change, or if I even want to, but I care about you. Do you still—”
Taran grabs Seth’s tunic through the bars, pulling him against them. For a moment, I think he’s going to strangle Seth, but then he leans in until their foreheads are touching. “Gods, do you ever shut up?”
And then he kisses him. Taran kisses my brother like he’s lived the past month apart without air in his lungs, like Seth is the air he breathes, and now that they’re together, he’s no longer drowning. It’s so sweet I’m able to watch for a moment without gagging.
“Ronan,” I whisper again. I need to apologize, need to make my own speech like Seth’s, but my heart is in my throat. What I did to him is so much worse.
Seth begins talking loudly to the others, giving us some privacy. I never thought I’d be happy to hear him talk, but right now, I’m grateful.
Maybe Ronan will never forgive me for letting him go, but I can’t bear to see him suffer alone.
“Ronan, I can’t stand it anymore. I thought I was doing the right thing, but nothing about this is right.
I—” A sob wracks my chest, but I swallow it down.
“I need you. I don’t care about destiny.
I don’t care about our power or fate or any of it. I’ve just missed you so much. I—”
I split open. I sink to the ground and sob. I have nothing but pain, nothing but regret, nothing but certainty that I made the wrong decision, that my actions have brought us here once again. That through trying to save us, I’ve doomed us all.
Ronan rises from the bed wordlessly, my pain reflected in his eyes as he approaches me. Before he reaches the bars, he crouches back down to the floor.
“I am so, so sorry that I hurt you again. I’ll do anything to make it right.
I’ll do anything to get you out of here.
” I have no idea what I can do, but I have to try.
“Please. Even if you can never bear to look at me again, please know how sorry I am.” I twist the ring on my finger. “I love you so much.”
Ronan pulls a knee to his chest, and he tilts his head back, sighing deeply. “I failed you. Again.”
“You’ve never failed me. I failed you. I thought I was doing something noble, something selfless, but I was arrogant. I thought I knew better than fate. Better than the gods.”
“You probably did.” He shakes his head. “It doesn’t matter now.”