Chapter 6
Mia
It’s Friday night and I’m almost at Haydon Falls.
I feel like I’m going to throw up, and not because of the pregnancy, but because I’m worried about seeing Jason.
I’m worried about how he’ll react to my news.
I’m worried about seeing him again. I’m worried I’ll fall for him even more, which will make leaving him even harder than when we said goodbye at the hotel.
I cried on my way home that day. I’d met this great guy, a guy I could see myself having a relationship with, maybe even marrying someday, and I had to leave him.
I thought I’d never see him again. And now, here I am, about to have dinner with him.
About to tell him that our night together created a baby, and that he’ll soon be a dad.
What if he gets mad? What if he blames me for this?
I was on birth control, but I’d just changed pills and was supposed to use a backup method for a month.
What if Jason gets angry at me for not telling him that?
We should’ve used a condom, but we didn’t.
That’s both of our faults. He can’t blame me for that.
My phone rings. It’s Nora calling. I hit the button to put it on speaker.
‘Hey, Nora.’
‘Hey, are you there yet?’
‘Not yet. I have about five minutes to go.’
‘How are you feeling?’
‘Like I’m going to be sick. Nora, what if he freaks out?’
‘Then let him. You did when you found out. Then after you had some time to let it sink in, you were fine. I’m sure it’ll be the same for him.’
‘What if he gets angry?’
‘Then slap the jerk and tell him he’s being an ass. You didn’t make this baby on your own.’
‘I know, and I honestly don’t think he’d react that way. I’m not sure how he’ll react.’
‘I think the biggest thing you have to worry about is how he’ll react to you leaving. If he wants to be in the baby’s life, he’s not going to be okay with you living a thousand miles away.’
‘That’s what I’m worried about. How are we going to make this work?’
‘Just focus on telling him for now and go from there. You’re getting a hotel room, right? You can’t be driving back tonight. It’s too dangerous. It’ll be dark and you’ll be tired.’
‘I’d be okay driving back, but yes, I’ll get a hotel room just to be safe.’
‘Or you could stay with Jason.’
‘I’m not staying with Jason.’
‘Why? Because you think something might happen?’
‘No, of course not,’ I say, but the truth is, it’s entirely possible something could happen.
I never planned on spending the night with him at the wedding, but then I ended up in his bed.
‘I just think it’d be better if I stayed at a hotel.
’ I turn off on the road that leads to downtown Haydon Falls. ‘I’m almost there. I should go.’
‘Okay. Let me know how it goes.’
‘I will. Bye.’
The small downtown is like a movie set with its historic buildings and all the storefronts decorated for spring.
Large planters overflowing with flowers line the street along with black iron benches.
Even the trash cans are pretty, made of black metal with a scrolling design on the sides.
Nora was right when she said this town was adorable.
I see why she likes coming here. I’m sure I’d love it too if I wasn’t so nervous about seeing Jason.
Pulling up in front of the restaurant, my heart takes off when I see Jason waiting outside. He’s just as handsome as I remember; tall with broad shoulders and thick dark hair. He’s wearing jeans and a white dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up.
He hasn’t seen me yet. His head is down as he looks at his phone.
I get out of the car and walk up to him. ‘Jason.’
He startles and his head jerks up. ‘Mia.’
He smiles and I get that feeling again, like I’ve known him forever. I had that feeling the night we met. It’s why I felt so close to him, so safe, so connected.
‘It’s good to see you,’ I tell him.
‘It’s good seeing you too.’ He pulls me in for a hug. I wasn’t expecting that, but being in his arms again, I don’t want him to let me go.
This is already harder than I thought it’d be. I imagined myself coming here, telling him about the baby, and us discussing next steps as though we were business partners. I was going to keep my emotions out of it. That was the plan.
But seeing him again, feeling his arms around me, that plan is already shattered. The feelings I keep trying to shove away are there and stronger than ever.
He lets me go and motions to the restaurant. ‘I got us a table. I just came out here to wait for you.’ He smiles. ‘And welcome you to Haydon Falls. You haven’t been here before, right?’
‘No, but I like what I’ve seen so far. The downtown is beautiful.’
‘The falls are even better. If we had more time, I’d take you there.’
I’d love to go there with him, but I don’t think he’ll want to spend time with me after he finds out the news. He’ll need time to himself to process the fact that he’s going to be a dad. I’ve known for weeks and I’m still trying to process it.
‘You look great, Mia,’ Jason says, gazing at me.
‘Thanks.’ I glance down at my stomach. I’m not showing yet, but I feel like I am. ‘We should probably go inside.’
‘Right this way.’ He opens the door for me and we go into the restaurant. It’s not what I was expecting. I thought it’d have a small town diner feel, but it’s got more of a big city vibe with its black-and-white color scheme and modern decor.
‘This is nice,’ I say as we sit down at the table.
‘It’s new. Well, it’s been here about a year, which is new for us.
’ Jason laughs a little. He seems nervous, or maybe I’m imagining it because I’m feeling nervous.
But my nerves have calmed down a little being with Jason.
He has such kind eyes and a gentle way about him.
I can’t imagine him getting angry. I’m sure he does, but I can’t see him exploding with anger the way I imagined him doing in my head when I told him the news.
Why did I think of him that way when I know he’s not like that?
Was I trying to imagine him being a jerk with a bad temper so it’d be easier to get over him?
I’m not over him, not even a little. If anything, I like him even more, seeing him in his hometown, wearing casual clothes instead of that suit and tie he had on at the wedding. He looked amazing in the suit, but it didn’t seem right for him. He seems like a jeans and t-shirt type of guy.
‘How was the trip?’ he asks.
‘Good. It was an easy drive. I’m just tired after the drive and a long day of counseling sessions.’
‘Are you still going to class?’
‘No, classes are over. I just have some assignments to finish.’
‘It must feel good to be done. Congratulations on the degree.’
‘Thanks.’ I pick up my water glass and take a drink. Part of me wants to just tell him the news and not wait, but the other part of me wants to enjoy a nice dinner with him and pretend we’re on a date.
If things were different, if our situation wasn’t so complicated, I could see us dating. I could see us having a relationship. But it didn’t work out that way.
‘Hey, Jason,’ the waitress says, stopping at our table. She’s tall and thin with long blonde hair and light blue eyes.
‘Hey, how’s it going?’
‘Great! Haven’t seen you for awhile.’ She smiles at him in a way that makes me think she’s flirting with him. Does she not see that we’re on a date? I guess it’s not a date, but she shouldn’t assume it’s not.
‘I’ve been busy with baseball,’ Jason tells her. ‘But the season’s wrapping up soon. We had a rough year. We won’t be going to any playoff games.’
‘So you’ll have more time soon.’ She hasn’t even glanced at me. It’s like I’m not even here. ‘Maybe we could go out again.’
Again? Jason went out with this woman? When? How long ago?
Wait—why do I sound like a jealous girlfriend? I’m not dating Jason. I never did. We just shared a night.
‘Andrea, this is Mia,’ Jason says, not answering her question about going out.
She finally looks at me. ‘Hi.’
‘Mia’s going to school in Madison,’ Jason says. ‘This is her first time to Haydon Falls.’
‘Welcome,’ she says, but her tone isn’t very welcoming. ‘Do you want to start with a drink?’
‘Just water is fine,’ I say.
‘You sure?’ Jason asks. ‘They have a good wine list here.’
‘I’ll stick with water.’
‘I’ll have the same,’ he says to Andrea.
‘Do you want to just order?’ she asks, sounding annoyed that we didn’t get drinks.
‘I think we need a minute,’ Jason says.
She leaves and I pick up my menu. There isn’t much on it and everything is expensive, or expensive for here. It’d be cheap if I were back in Boston. How am I going to live there with a baby? My rent alone will be four times what I pay now.
‘You sure you don’t want some wine?’ Jason asks. ‘If you’re worried about the cost, don’t. Tonight’s on me.’
‘Jason, I don’t expect you to buy me dinner. I invited you. If anything, I should be the one paying.’
‘You’re my guest. I’m not letting you come to Haydon Falls and pay for dinner. I’d be a really shitty host if I did. Now are you sure you don’t want wine?’ He smiles. ‘Or how about an old fashioned?’
I smile back. ‘That’s probably not a good idea, given what happened last time I had one.’
‘The wedding was the last time?’
‘Yes. I swore off drinking after that, at least for awhile.’
‘Why?’ His expression turns serious. ‘Do you regret what happened that night?’
‘No,’ I say, and I honestly don’t. Even knowing what that night resulted in, I still don’t regret it. It was the best night of my life. I doubt I’ll ever experience something like that again. ‘I just decided to take a break from drinking after that.’
Andrea returns. ‘Did you decide what you want?’
‘I’ll have the chicken,’ I tell her, setting the menu down.
‘I’ll have the steak,’ Jason says.
She takes the menus and turns to Jason. ‘Are you taking anyone to your brother’s wedding?’
‘Probably not.’
‘If you change your mind, I have that night off.’ She gives him that flirty smile again.
‘I’ll keep that in mind.’
Her face lights up, like she thinks he’ll actually take her to the wedding. Maybe he will. There I go again, feeling jealous. I have no right to be jealous. I need to stop this.
‘Are you two dating?’ I casually ask once Andrea’s gone.
‘Not anymore. We went out a few times, but there wasn’t anything there.’
‘I think she disagrees.’
‘Yeah, she wants to go out again. She saw my mom at the store last weekend and asked her if I was seeing anyone.’
‘Are you?’
‘No. Well, I was, but it didn’t work out. We only went out a few times.’
‘Sounds like you go on a lot of dates.’
‘But they never turn into anything. I know right away if there’s potential there and if there’s not, I end it. I don’t keep seeing someone just to avoid being alone.’
‘I’m the same way. Or I am now. When I was younger I didn’t like being single so I’d date a guy even if I wasn’t that into him.’
‘Are you seeing anyone now?’
‘No,’ I say with a laugh, imagining myself dating with a big pregnant belly.
‘Why is that funny?’
I’m not ready to tell him the real reason so I say, ‘Because I have no time to date. Between work and my classes, I barely have time to sleep.’
‘You’ll have time now that your classes are over. Do you think you’ll start dating?’
‘No.’ I look down at the table, suddenly realizing I may be alone for a very long time. How many guys want to date a woman with a baby that’s not theirs? And when would I have time to date? I’ll have a job and a baby to care for.
‘Because you’re leaving?’
I look up at Jason. ‘What?’
‘The reason you don’t want to date. Is it because you’re leaving? Going back to Boston?’
It’s because I’m pregnant. With your child. And because I still have feelings for you, which makes no sense since I only spent a night with you.
That’s what I want to say, but instead I say, ‘I’m just not interested in dating right now. I have to focus on finding a job for after the summer.’
‘A job in Boston,’ he says. ‘So you’re definitely moving back.’
‘I have to. My father had a bad fall back in March and then hip surgery. He walks much slower now and has difficulty doing the things he used to. He’s going to physical therapy and my mom is helping him, but if he gets worse, she’ll need me there to help out.’
Jason nods. ‘Yeah, I understand.’
He sounds disappointed. Did he think I’d changed my mind?
Is that why he thinks I’m here? To tell him I’m staying?
If so, I didn’t mean to get his hopes up.
I didn’t think he wanted to see me anymore.
I assumed he’d moved on by now. But maybe he thought my coming here meant I wanted us to have a second chance.
I need to tell him the truth and end any confusion about why I’m here.
‘Jason, I need to tell you something.’
‘Go ahead.’