Chapter 11 #2
‘Yeah.’ Jason takes a step back, then motions me to go ahead of him on the trail that leads back to the parking lot.
I didn’t want to leave, but being in that romantic spot, kissing Jason, was bringing back all the feelings I have for him that I’m trying to ignore.
We’re both quiet as Jason drives back to his apartment. Neither one of us wants to say goodbye, but we have to. I need to get home, and away from Jason before I fall for him even more.
‘Did you get everything?’ Jason asks, coming into the bedroom where I’m zipping up my overnight bag.
‘I think so.’
He walks up to me. ‘About what happened at the falls.’
‘We don’t need to talk about it.’ I smile a little. ‘I think it’s fair to say we’re both still attracted to each other. Honestly, I’m surprised it didn’t happen sooner.’
His hand cups the side of my face as he looks into my eyes. ‘What I feel for you is more than just attraction.’
‘Jason, we shouldn’t—’
His lips press to mine before I can finish my thought. I was going to tell him we shouldn’t be talking about what we feel for each other, or acting on it. And that we shouldn’t kiss because it might lead to us doing more.
So why am I still kissing him? And why am I willingly going with him as he leads me to the bed? Why am I letting him take off my shirt, my bra, my jeans, my panties? Why am I desperately trying to get his belt off?
‘Oh God,’ I moan as he sinks into me.
I don’t know how we ended up here, but we’ve gone too far to go back. He’s buried inside me, stretching me, filling me, in the most wonderful way. I’ve dreamed about this, relived that night, for months now. I haven’t been with a man since Jason because he’s all I’ve been able to think about.
‘Don’t go,’ he whispers in my ear, slowly pulling out before thrusting back inside me. ‘Stay with me tonight.’
‘I can’t. I have to—’
Jason’s lips press to mine, stopping me from telling him I have to go. I’d love to stay, but I can’t. I have too much to do, and staying with him would just bring us closer, which we both know is a bad idea.
What we’re doing now is a bad idea, but God, it feels good. He’s rocking into me in a slow, steady, intoxicating rhythm. My hips rise and fall, moving with him as I rake my fingers down his back.
‘You feel so fucking good,’ he groans. He speeds up a little, then a little more.
I suck in a breath as his hand slips between us, rubbing over my clit as he moves in and out of me.
‘Yes,’ I pant. ‘Keep going.’
I feel it building, the sensations getting stronger. I hold onto him as he thrusts harder, deeper, his body tensing up.
‘Shit,’ he mutters, like he can’t hold back a second longer.
He comes, but so do I, waves of pleasure shuddering through me, reminding me of that night we shared.
But this time feels even better, maybe because my sensations aren’t numbed by alcohol.
Or maybe it’s because spending time with Jason and meeting his family, I feel closer to him than I did that night.
Jason pauses a moment, then gently pulls out of me.
‘I didn’t plan that,’ he says, laying back on the bed. ‘I swear.’
‘I did.’
He looks at me. ‘What?’
‘It was my fault. I lured you to the bedroom, made you kiss me, then had my way with you.’
He smiles. ‘I don’t think it happened that way.’
‘Maybe not, but I’m not sorry we did it. Are you?’
‘No. But that’s the problem. I want this, Mia. Not just the sex, but you.’ He looks up at the ceiling. ‘I don’t want you to leave. I know you have to, but I don’t want you to.’
I rest my head on his chest. ‘Let’s not talk about it. Let’s just be happy in the moment.’
We lie there for several minutes, then Jason suddenly sits up. ‘Fuck.’
‘What’s wrong?’
‘We didn’t use anything. You’re still on the pill, right?’
‘Um, yeah,’ I lie. I should tell him the truth, but I can’t. Not yet. I need to wait until after his brother’s wedding.
Jason lets out a sigh of relief. ‘Sorry, I was panicking for a minute there. I’m always lecturing the guys on the team to be safe, and here I am, forgetting to use a condom.’
‘We should get up,’ I say, wanting to get off that topic.
He turns to me. ‘Where do you want to go for dinner?’
‘We’ll have to skip it. I need to head home.’
‘It won’t take long, and you need to eat. You didn’t have lunch.’
‘I’m still full from your mom’s breakfast. And I really should start driving.’
He places his hand along the side of my face and looks in my eyes. ‘I’m not ready for you to leave.’
I look back at him, my heart aching, wishing I could be with Jason. Wishing things were different. Wishing there was a way for us to be together, or at least have a chance to try.
‘Jason, we can’t—’
‘Yeah, I know,’ he says, looking down. He pulls away from me and gets out of bed.
‘It’s not that I don’t want to stay. It’s just—’
‘You don’t have to explain,’ he says. ‘I shouldn’t have said it. I know you have to go.’
He says it without any emotion, like he just flipped a switch and turned off the feelings he was expressing just moments ago. I understand why. I’m trying to shut off my feelings too. I’ve been trying to all day, without success. The more time I spend with Jason, the more I feel for him.
We get dressed and Jason walks me out to my car.
‘Call me when you get there,’ he says as he puts my suitcase in the trunk. ‘So I know you made it.’
‘I will.’ I open the car door.
‘Mia, wait.’ Jason pulls me in for a hug. ‘I’ll see you next weekend, right? You’re not going to change your mind, are you?’
‘No, I’ll be here.’ I smile and pull away from him. ‘I’ll see you Saturday.’
‘Why don’t you come on Friday? I need a date for the rehearsal dinner.’
‘A date?’ I ask, my brows rising.
‘Not a date. Someone to go with. Will you do it?’
‘Can I stay with you again?’
‘Of course.’
‘Then yes, I’ll go to the rehearsal dinner with you.’
‘Thanks.’ He gives me another hug. ‘Have a safe trip. And remember to let me know you’re home.’
‘I will. Bye, Jason.’
On the drive back, I keep thinking about what we did, telling myself we shouldn’t have done it but not regretting that it happened.
I’m so confused right now. I thought seeing Jason again would convince me that the night we shared was nothing more than two strangers having a fun time at a wedding followed by a night of great sex.
But the truth is, Jason and I really are good together, even outside the bedroom.
We have similar values, similar goals, and we’re comfortable with each other.
Jason’s a great guy and he’ll make a great father for our baby. I just wish he could be more than that. I wish we could try being a couple, but since we can’t, I’ll just be grateful he’s a good person with a good family who I know will be the best father he can be.