Chapter 33
Rowan
That color looks nice on you.
I stare down at my phone, then at my royal blue tank top in total confusion, not because Rowan texted me, but because over the last week as I’ve split my time between working long shifts and momming, our texts haven’t stopped. I’m only confused because I’m at the park with Hollie and he isn’t so how would he know what color I’m?—
“Super Rowan!” I hear Hollie call out running behind me. Clearly, their evening of bonding over SuperPets has stuck with her.
I spin around, and sure enough, Rowan’s ten feet behind me, and he’s clearly been out running. He’s wearing black Nike shorts and a blue T-shirt that isn’t much different in shade than my own. He’s hot and sweaty and…really fucking hot . He swipes a hand through his damp hair and smirks at me.
“Are you here to play?” Hollie asks him. He closes the space between us in a few long, easy strides, still catching his breath.
“Sure, I can play, Hollie,” he says, mussing the top of her hair. She jumps up and down excitedly and runs toward the play equipment.
“Out for a neighborhood run?” I ask, raising a brow.
“Yep,” he says as he squeezes my shoulder, walking past me. I start to follow him to the equipment where Hollie is.
“Mm-hmm,” I comment.
“Rowan, push me!” she calls out as she climbs onto the toddler swing.
“Such a coincidence,” I say a little louder, folding my arms over my chest.
Rowan turns, walking backward with his hands raised.
“I’m not saying it’s a coincidence.” Rowan turns to walk backward and talk to me. “In fact, I think you knew I’d be out for a run and you decided it might be a good time for a park visit.”
“Is that so?” I ask, laughing at this man’s ability to be so cocky and quick witted on a dime.
“So, this has nothing to do with me not going on that date yet?” I muse.
He shakes his head. “Can’t talk dates, Vi, gotta go push.”
I follow them, watching Rowan make sure Hollie is secure before he starts pushing her on the swing. He asks her what she had for dinner and she answers him, telling him about her macaroni and cheese and how many grapes she ate, as he listens with genuine interest.
Without even trying this man is tearing down my carefully built walls, one brick at a time.
Rowan’s strong arms flex as he pushes Hollie on the swing, they’ve moved on to talk about which color of M&M’s tastes better.
“Should mommy swing too?” he asks Hollie.
“Yes!” Hollie says. “You can go beside me, Mommy.”
Rowan winks and offers me that lopsided smirk I can’t get enough of.
“Well, come on, Mommy.” He gestures to the open swing. Something about the way he calls me Mommy just sinks into my soul as I take the next swing to Hollie. It is endearing and sweet. I definitely don’t need any more reasons to fall for him, but it seems like almost every day he’s giving me another.
I’m convinced new baby smell is the fountain of youth.
I snap a photo of myself holding Teddy’s sweet one week old baby, Bea, in my arms a few days later and send it to Rowan. I’ve already met this little bundle twice, but this is my first day off and I can’t stop myself from snuggling her every chance I get.
Rowan
Bottle it up and bring me some. That workout just kicked my ass.
When I talked to him before lunch he was going to meet his personal trainer to help get him back into a decent workout schedule after over two weeks off.
What do you mean? You’ve been pushing us on the swings every day.
Coincidentally, of course, every day for the last week, a gorgeous hotshot runner just happens to pass by the park at the same time as our daily play before my shift.
Rowan
You two are not a workout, a mild warm up at best.
Tell the new mama I said congrats again. The amount of photos Cal has already is astonishing. He’s a gushy proud uncle.
I stare down at Bea in my arms snoozing away as we sit on Teddy's sofa.
How am I supposed to give her back and go to work tonight?
Rowan
Soldier on, I’m sure Teddy will let you sniff her baby like a total weirdo again tomorrow.
And FYI I’m cashing in and considering tonight our first official date since you’ve yet to let me actually take you on one.
I’m not the easiest to get alone for a date.
Rowan
Tell me about it.
I smile. Truth is, I would’ve let him but I haven’t had a night where we could have been alone.
FYI, It’s not a date if I’m working at the bar.
Rowan
I can make any situation a date. Desperate times Vi. I’m out of patience.
So what? You’re just going to hang out at Shifty’s all night?
Rowan
No, I’m meeting my friends, at the bar you happen to work at, if that takes your whole shift, so be it.
You’re crazy.
Rowan
As long as we’re clear.
A few seconds later I get a photo of him at the park bench making a funny face at me. He’s sweaty again, he’s been running. I know hotshots have an insane level of fitness they have to maintain, so of course, he’s already running and getting back at it after being injured.
I zoom in on the photo. I can’t help the blush creeping up my neck. He looks good, damn good, and enticing as hell. He’s bandage free now and is healing up perfectly. He’s expected to be cleared to work in the field in just over a week. I’ve had a lot of time to think and reflect on the truth he told me versus the way I’ve seen it for the last ten years. That shit messes with your head. Especially when he keeps proving to me with every passing day how great he actually is.
Truth is, Rowan and I have barely gone an hour without texting. Our chat is never ending, filled with random conversation, shameless flirting, and various online games.
My stomach flip flops at the thought of seeing him tonight, Hollie free. It feels like so much has changed since our talk the night he came home from the hospital.
“Are you smiling like that because you’re in love with Bea or your phone?” Teddy asks in a tired voice taking a seat on the other side of the sofa. She’s in loose pajama bottoms and a big hoodie, her blonde hair is piled onto her head, she’s got that new mama glow and looks beautiful.
Baby Bea came fast, and Teddy was extremely lucky that Rowan’s sup, Xander, lives right next door and was home when her water broke unexpectedly.
“Both,” I tell her honestly as I gently run my fingers over Bea’s feather soft dusting of hair. She yawns and her perfect little mouth forms a tiny O.
“You took my advice then?” she asks, popping a French fry into her mouth then moaning with how good it tastes. I was officially declared Teddy’s lord and savior when I showed up with kids’ meals for Dalton and Penny and an order of her favorite fries.
I shrug and stand, patting Bea’s tiny bottom as she makes the cutest little grunting sounds.
“Now that I know Rowan was just trying to help Jacob and me out of a bad situation, that he always had feelings for me…” I stroke Bea’s soft cheek with the pads of my fingers while I talk. “It changes everything, but right now he’s at home recovering so everything is easy.” I continue to pace around Teddy’s living room just needing to talk this through with her and myself. I didn’t want to bombard her right after she gave birth, but she seems comfortable enough now and willing to listen to some of my drama.
“But reality tells me he’s going to get called out again soon, which leads me to the other side of my coin. Even if I get through our past, I lived through years of my mother’s silent anxiety, of her putting on a brave face when my father left. I know how it made me feel, the OCD tendencies it caused me as his daughter. The thought of being with someone where the possibility of that being my everyday scares the shit out of me.”
“We cling to the fears we have because the possibility of reliving them terrifies us,” Teddy says softly. My heart aches for her and the pain she knows, especially staring down at her darling new baby.
“I just haven’t had five minutes of thought that don’t include him since, and my head is a mess of hormones, all my fears, and history.”
Teddy nods. “It’s a combo alright.” She yawns.
I sigh and reclaim my seat beside her.
“He sacrificed his own wants and needs to protect you and your brother, and he never wanted you to know after Jacob passed because drugs and breaking and entering leaves a stain on your brother’s ghost? Vi, there’s something so stand up and loyal about that. Kind of shows you who he really is.”
“I know this, trust me. He’s exactly who I always thought he was,” I tell her.
She adjusts herself on the couch as she talks, she’s sore for sure. Thankfully, Logan’s mom is here for a couple of weeks to help out with the kids. Teddy may have lost her husband, but his parents are so supportive, and so is Cal.
“I have to say it’s also kind of…hot. He sacrificed his feelings for yours,” she says in a dreamy tone, munching on another fry.
“So you see my problem?” I sigh. “And there’s more,” I admit. “He really seems to genuinely like hanging out with both me and Hollie.”
“I’m sure that doesn’t help your hormones.”
I sigh. “Yesterday, he brought both himself and Hollie snacks and juice boxes to the park,” I deadpan.
“Oh, my goodness, he didn’t?”
I nod. “He did.”
“So, let’s think logically about this. He isn’t who you thought he was for the last ten years, turns out he’s much, much better, he’s awesome with Hollie.” Teddy counts the items off on her fingers. “He is clearly crazy about you, he’s a hard worker—a real hero, if you will—fighting fires out in the rugged wilderness, saving towns and wildlife from carnage,” she says like she’s writing his biography.
I laugh at her description.
“And he’s easy on the eyes, to put it mildly. But you’re still questioning because you have a fear of really putting yourself out there and losing someone you’re close to again. Have I got all that right?”
“Dammit, Teddy, yes,” I whisper, rocking her sweet new bundle. “I’m working on it. I want to let him in,” I add, glancing at Hollie happily munching her own kid’s meal with Teddy’s kids as they watch a Disney movie.
“I’m sorry to tell you this, but the face you make when you talk about him? You let him in a long time ago.”
I turn my gaze back to my friend. “Why you gotta be super mom and super right all the time?”
“I don’t feel like super mom.” She grins. “Maybe I will once this ibuprofen kicks in, still a bit sore.”
We both laugh and I look down at Bea’s sweet little scrunchy face.
“Thank goodness your mom’s hunk of a neighbor was home to help,” I say to Bea.
Teddy laughs. “Ugh…don’t remind me.”
I look over at her and smile. “I see the way you look at him when you talk about the sweet things he does for you. I think it was fate for him to be the one to come to your rescue.”
Teddy blushes pink. “Whatever it was, I did not expect him to be catching my daughter.”
I look down at sweet little Bea, already so in love. “Things just have a way of working out the way they’re supposed to. I call it a bonding moment,” I say.
“Yeah,” Teddy says, popping the last of her fries in her mouth. “So then, Miss Things Have A Way of Working Themselves Out, are you ready to take your own advice?”
I stick my tongue out at her.
“I’ll take that as a yes.” She laughs. “So, it should be a fun night at work for you then?”