Chapter 5 #2
A strange cough of a laugh escaped him and he felt his face warm all the way to his temples. “I don’t think I did anything you should thank me for.” He dropped his chin toward his chest. “I should have called ahead and asked.”
She put her hand on his forearm and gave him a series of little pats, probably trying to reassure him. “It’s something we’re working on. We hope… I don’t know what we hope besides finding a way to help her… move on? Is that the right way to say it?”
“I… I lost my father, ma’am. He was on duty at the time, but he didn’t know he’d walked into an armed robbery at a store. He… his badge was what made the shooter target him. I can’t imagine if I had been your granddaughter’s age and been there at the scene.
“It was bad enough that I was an adult when it happened.”
She nodded and then shook her head. “I’m sorry for your loss.”
“It’s always a possibility when we go out on the clock and in uniform. There’s no misunderstanding that working for law enforcement is an inherently dangerous profession. I can’t imagine what Ciela experienced. I wish I could take that memory away from her.”
She nodded and gently lowered her hand from his arm. “You’re very kind.”
He winced a little. His forehead tightening and the skin above his nose between his brows pinched tight. Kind is not the word that people would use to describe him.
He’d heard many other words.
Cold.
Hard.
Unyielding.
He was civil on the job until he’d reached the end of his patience.
He’d never gone over the line.
NEVER.
But he wasn’t a man swayed by a sob story or shameless begging.
“I… I should go. I don’t want to cause her any more… I don’t want to upset her anymore.”
He shook his head. He wasn’t usually so tongue-tied.
“Thank you, Ranger.”
“No need to thank me, ma’am. I am sorry for making her cry.”
She smiled at him, her eyes warm and grateful. “Patricia,” she nodded. “My name is Patricia.”
He stepped back and away from her and crossed to his F-150 that he’d parked at the curb.
Less than a half an hour later, Duval was standing on West’s porch, wondering if he should have called first.
Or if he should contact West at all.
He wasn’t on shift.
This was family time.
Standing there, he lifted his hand up to knock on the door twice and hadn’t managed to actually connect with the wood.
He was a moment away from just turning around and leaving when the front door locks opened and then the door.
Tracy stood there with a soft smile on her face. “Come on in.”
He hesitated at the door, turning his head to the side. “Maybe, I should wait-”
She pushed the door open and gestured toward the couch.
He could see West sitting back on a recliner, his feet up and their baby sprawled on chest.
West lifted a hand from the baby’s back and gestured for him to step inside.
Duval shook his head and then scraped the bottoms of his boots off on the boot scrubber beside the welcome mat, then lifting one boot and then the other to make sure he wasn’t tracking anything inside.
When he stepped in he pressed a quick kiss to Tracy’s upturned cheek. “How are you, mama?”
“Good. Very good.” Tracy blushed and gave him a playful smack on his arm. “What can I get you to drink?”
He gave it a thought and shook his head. “I’m good, thanks.”
She nodded. “Okay.” She looked at West. “I’m going to go get a shower while you two talk.”
He lifted his chin, grinning at his wife. “All right, babe. Take your time. I’ve got everything.”
Tracy closed the door and locked it while Duval moved across the room. He sat down in a chair where he could look at West and talk to him without having to speak much above a whisper.
As he watched, West rubbed his hand over the baby’s back.
From what Duval could see, the baby was sprawled on West’s chest, face turned toward him, drool pooling on his boss’ shirt.
“You look good, West.”
“I am good,” he agreed. “Better than I’ve ever been before.”
Duval could hear how much West meant those words.
The man looked every inch a man satisfied with life and soaking in every minute.
They sat there in companionable silence for a few moments before he let out a breath.
“You look like a man which a heavy shadow sitting on his back.”
Duval sat forward, bracing his forearms on his knees. “That’s about the extent of it.”
West’s brows lifted, his lips pressed tight for a moment and then relaxed. “You want to talk about it?”
Duval saw West smile before he even answered him.
“Want to?”
West shrugged and the baby on his chest stirred.
Duval held his breath as West shushed and patted the baby, settling it back to sleep.
When the baby let out a long exhale and got a fistful of West’s shirt, Duval started to speak.
He gave West a quick rundown of what happened at Noelle’s house and when he was done, he sat up and leaned back against the chair. “How badly did I mess up?”
West opened his eyes wider and frowned with just the skin between his brows, furrowing it. “What makes you think you messed things up?”
Duval frowned at him, turning his head slightly to the side. “Didn’t I?”
He lifted a hand and pushed it through his hair, frowning.
“I could have waited to give her the pass.” He nodded his head, going through his thoughts. “I could have taken off my badge.” He shrugged. “I don’t know what I could have done, but I could have done something. Or I could have done less?”
West remained quiet.
And the wheels kept turning in Duval’s head.
He swallowed and felt his unsettled emotions chase his words up and out of his throat.
“I don’t like how she reacted.”
Duval breathed in and out.
“I don’t like that I did that to her.” He licked at his lips, suddenly dry. “I don’t like the pain I caused.”
He heard the grandfather clock at the end of the room tick tick tick.
Watched West’s baby breathe in and out.
“I want… I want to fix it.”
West blew out a breath and the baby’s hair was stirred by it, the curled ends of air wavering in the warm light from the lamp.
Then, West turned his head and looked in his direction.
“How?”
Duval felt his tongue stick to the top of his mouth. It took a lot of effort to peel it off.
“The f-“ He saw West’s brows raise, but he’d already cut himself off. “Sorry,” he mumbled. “Baby.” As if his apology needed explaining.
“I don’t know,” he clarified, “I have not a d- Not a single clue how to fix it.”
The baby mumbled and lifted her head, rumbling her face into her father’s chest.
West rubbed her back, letting out a breath.
Duval sat there.
Waiting.
The clock ticking away.
And the longer he waited, his patience ticked away.
“Well?”
A door down the hall opened and Duval heard soft footsteps coming down the hardwood floor.
Before he saw Tracy he leaned forward and tried to urge West to talk.
“Well?”
“Well what?” West didn’t smile. He didn’t do much more than breathe.
“Weston?” Tracy crossed to the recliner. “I’ll take her and get her settled. You talk to Duval.”
Duval thought he saw hesitation, but West lowered the footrest and shifted the baby into Tracy’s arms.
West turned his head up and Tracy rolled her eyes before giving him a kiss.
“I’ll be in to bed in just a few minutes, babe.”
She nodded and lifted her chin toward Duval. “Nice to see you, Duval.”
He answered her with a chin lift of his own, unable to say a thing.
West sat up, stretching his back as Tracy walked away.
When the door closed down the hall with a soft click, West let out a breath.
“Duval?”
“Yeah?” He sat forward, waiting for the answer.
West smiled and cleared his throat. “I don’t have the answer you’re looking for.”
Duval frowned, his brow furrowing. “What?”
West shrugged. “I don’t have the answer.”
Duval’s jaw tensed.
“I don’t even have an answer.”
His hands fisted until his knuckles began to ache. “What the fuck, man?” His voice was low, hoarse.
”I told you.” West put his hands on his knees and got up from the recliner. “I don’t have an answer for you.”
Duval wanted to spit out a curse.
He wanted to kick something.
Pound his fist into a wall.
It was all anger.
Impotent anger at that.
It wasn’t a feeling that had ever sat well with him.
He wanted to do things.
He wanted to solve things.
He wanted… to be useful.
West walked closer and put a hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry, McCrae.”
Duval frowned at the use of his first name.
West had only called him that… probably one other time, when they’d first met.
“Things like this,” West explained, “don’t have an answer you can find in a book. It’s different for everyone. No one size fits all solutions especially when it comes to children.”
Duval wanted to argue, but he just didn’t have it in him.
The weight that West had been talking about sat heavily on his shoulders and was pressing him down further and further.
“You should go home and take your mind off of it for tonight. Get some sleep. Tomorrow,” West gave him a knowing nod, “is another day.”
Duval recognized the dismissal.
He also knew there was nothing more to say at the moment.
Nodding, he reached out and clapped his hand on West’s upper arm. “Thanks for letting me in tonight.”
West nodded. “That was Tracy, man.”
Duval heard the words, but he knew that West wouldn’t have let him stand out there like that.
Tracy was the one who’d given them time to talk.
“She’s amazing.”
West nodded. “I wholeheartedly agree. My life just keeps getting better and better.”
Duval nodded and walked to the door with West at his side.
West unlocked the door and opened it for him. Duval stepped outside and stood in the warm light of the porch. “Thanks, again.”
“I wish I could help you.”
Duval shook his head. “I think you did.”
Smiling, just a tiny bit, Duval turned and headed back to his truck, breathing in a cooler night air.