Chapter 27 Bonnie
BONNIE
Ican’t breathe.
That’s the first thought I have when I wake up in Ash’s bed with his arm wrapped around me like a vise. Ghost is on my other side, hand resting possessively on my hip. Titan sprawls at the foot of the bed like a guard dog.
All three of them. All night. Every night for the past week.
I need space.
Carefully, I slide out from under Ash’s arm. He stirs but doesn’t wake. I grab clothes from the floor—doesn’t matter whose—and slip out of the room.
The hallway is quiet. Early morning light filters through the windows. I head downstairs to make coffee.
The kitchen is empty. Thank God.
I’m halfway through my first cup when footsteps sound behind me.
“You left.” Ash stands in the doorway, shirtless, wearing only jeans. His expression is unreadable.
“I needed coffee.”
“You could’ve woken me. I would’ve made it.”
“I’m capable of making my own coffee.”
“I know. But you shouldn’t have to.” He crosses to me and rests his hand on my stomach. “You should be resting.”
I step back. His hand falls away.
“I’m pregnant, not dying.”
“Bonnie—”
“I’m fine, Ash. I can handle making coffee.”
He’s quiet for a moment before he speaks. “Where are you going today?”
“I don’t know. Maybe nowhere.”
“If you want to go to the tattoo shop, I’ll have Rodriguez escort you.”
“I don’t want to go to the shop.”
“Then what do you want to do?”
“I want to drink my coffee in peace.” The words come out sharper than I intended.
Ash’s jaw tightens. “I’m trying to protect you.”
“I know. But I don’t need protection every second of every day.”
“Yes, you do. There’s a bounty on your head. Marcus wants you. Mona stole the paternity results. We don’t know what she’s planning.” His voice rises slightly. “So yes, you need protection. Whether you like it or not.”
I set down my mug before I throw it. “I need space.”
“You need safety.”
“I need to breathe!”
The kitchen door swings open. Ghost and Titan walk in, both looking like they just rolled out of bed. “Everything okay?” Ghost asks, eyes moving between me and Ash.
“Fine,” I say at the same time Ash says, “No.”
Titan leans against the counter. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing,” I mutter.
“Bonnie wants to go out,” Ash says. “Alone. With a bounty on her head and enemies looking for her.”
“I didn’t say I wanted to go out. I said I wanted space.”
“Same thing.”
“It’s not the same thing!”
Ghost moves closer. “Hey. Everyone, calm down.”
“I am calm,” I snap.
“You’re yelling,” Titan points out.
“Because nobody listens when I talk normally!”
Silence falls over the kitchen. All three of them stare at me.
I take a breath. Another. Try to get my temper under control.
“I just need some room,” I say quietly. “That’s all. You’re all hovering and smothering me, and I can’t think straight.”
“We’re keeping you safe,” Ash says.
“You’re suffocating me.”
His expression hardens. “If that’s what it takes to keep you alive, then fine. I’ll suffocate you.”
“That’s not what she means,” Ghost cuts in.
“Then what does she mean?”
“She means we’re being too much. All of us.” Ghost looks at me. “Right?”
I nod.
Titan crosses his arms. “So what do you want us to do? Back off? Pretend there’s not a war happening? Pretend Marcus isn’t trying to take you?”
“I want you to stop treating me like I’m so delicate.”
“You’re pregnant,” Ash says flatly.
“I’m aware.”
“Then act like it.”
The words hit like a slap.
I stare at him. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means you’re carrying a baby. Our baby. And you’re acting like it doesn’t matter. Like you can just do whatever you want without consequences.”
“I haven’t done anything!”
“You want to.”
“Wanting to leave the compound for an hour isn’t a crime, Ash!”
“It is when there’s a fifty-thousand-dollar bounty on your head!”
We’re both yelling. Ghost steps between us. “Enough,” he says. “Both of you.”
Ash glares at him. “Stay out of this.”
“No. You’re both worked up and saying shit you don’t mean.” Ghost looks at me. “Go cool off. We’ll talk later.”
“Don’t tell her what to do,” Titan says.
Ghost turns to him. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me. Stop ordering her around like you’re in charge.”
“Someone needs to be in charge since neither of you can keep your heads on straight.”
“Fuck you,” Titan says.
“Fuck you,” Ghost shoots back.
I watch them argue. Watch Ash’s jaw clench tighter and tighter. Watch the three of them start to fracture right in front of me. This is the hundredth time I’ve seen this. The jealousy. The bickering. The tension that shouldn’t exist between brothers.
And I’m the cause of it.
“Stop,” I say.
They keep arguing.
“Stop!” I shout.
They finally go quiet. All three of them looking at me.
“I’m going to my old room,” I say. “Alone. I need one night to think without all of you crowding me.”
“Bonnie—” Ash starts.
“No. I’m done arguing about this.” I head for the door. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” I leave before any of them can stop me.
My old room feels like a stranger’s space. I haven’t slept here in a while. The bed is made with sheets I don’t remember washing. Dust covers the surfaces. I sit on the edge of the mattress and put my head in my hands.
This is falling apart. The arrangement. The relationship. Whatever this is between the four of us—it’s crumbling.
I love them. All three of them. But loving them isn’t enough when they can’t stop fighting over me, when their friendship is fracturing because of jealousy and possessiveness and fear.
Ash has barely looked at my stomach since we got the paternity results. He says all the right things—that it doesn’t matter, that he’ll raise the baby as his—but I see the way his jaw tightens when Ghost touches me. The way he leaves the room when Titan talks about the future.
He’s disappointed. He won’t say it out loud, but I know. The baby isn’t his. And some part of him resents that.
I press my hand to my stomach. I’m going to be a mother.
I’m nineteen years old. Married to one man, in love with three. Pregnant with a baby that could tear them all apart. Living in a compound surrounded by enemies who want me dead or captured.
How am I supposed to raise a child in this chaos?
How am I supposed to be a mother when I can barely take care of myself?
A knock on the door interrupts my spiral.
“Go away,” I call out.
The door opens anyway. Ghost walks in and closes it behind him.
“I said go away.”
“I heard you.” He sits beside me on the bed. “I’m not good at following orders.”
“Clearly.”
We sit in silence for a moment. Then he says, “You’re right. We’re smothering you.”
“Yeah.”
“And we’re being idiots. Fighting over you like you’re a prize instead of a person.”
“Yeah.”
“I’m sorry.”
I look at him. “Are you? Or are you just saying that?”
“Both.” He meets my eyes. “I am sorry. And I’m just saying it because I don’t know what else to say.”
Despite everything, I almost smile. “At least you’re honest.”
“It’s all I’ve got.” He’s quiet for a beat. “We’re scared, Bonnie. We’re scared of losing you. Of Marcus taking you. Of something happening to the baby. And when we’re scared, we get controlling. Possessive. Stupid.”
“I’m scared too.”
“I know.”
“I don’t think I can do this.” The words come out before I can stop them. “Be a mother. Handle this relationship. Survive this war. It’s too much. I’m not ready.”
“Nobody’s ready. You just do it anyway.”
“That’s not comforting.”
“I’m not trying to comfort you. I’m trying to be honest.” He takes my hand. “You don’t have to have all the answers right now. None of us do.”
“What if this arrangement destroys all of you?”
“It won’t. I know it won’t.”
I lean against his shoulder. He wraps his arm around me.
“I’m not sleeping with you tonight,” I say.
“I know. You need space. I get it.”
“Tomorrow though?”
“Tomorrow.” He kisses the top of my head and then leaves, closing the door quietly behind him.
I lie back on my bed, stare at the ceiling, and let myself cry.