3. Benji
3
BENJI
W hoa, this situation is fucked up. Seriously, what a mess. I’m reading the notes again. Again and again. I think it’s going to take me a fair few times to drink it all in and accept that this is real. I’m honestly struggling because this is so far away from any life that I’ve ever lived, so I can’t process any of it. I keep forgetting that this is all reality, someone’s life.
I don’t watch a lot of TV, nor do I have time for movies, but even I don’t always think of them as real people with lives behind the cameras. Seeing the strangeness of their lives behind the cameras, at least the Jones family, it’s odd. I don’t know how anyone can do it. Obviously, William is a mastermind with this sort of thing, which is why he’s so successful, but I don’t get it.
“Oh, Cassie,” I murmur to myself as I see her photo once more. “What sort of life have you been living, even before this?”
Her parents seem really distant. I’m picking that up through these vague notes. They seem to care more about the business than the kids. I suppose I might be wrong about that. Perhaps this is just how rich people deal with one another. Just because I came from a warm and loving household, it doesn’t mean that everyone else is the same. But still… I get a weird feeling. I can’t quite put my finger on what it is, but it doesn’t feel right. I can’t imagine anyone happy coming from it.
“Not that I’m here to save Cassie from her parents,” I remind myself as I attempt to put the notes down. “Don’t forget that. This is just about some kidnapping, asshole criminals I need to take down, get them arrested and locked away.”
William Jones might not be on board with getting the Puerto Rican cops involved, but I will if I need to. If the time is right. I’ll make sure that I don’t get killed as well, leaving the both of us fucked. Doing things alone isn’t always necessary. I’m not going to let my pride get in the way and make me idiotic. We all learn that in the Navy. It’s such an important lesson. I get why Max sent me alone on this mission, and of course, I trust his point of view, but I won’t let that hold me back. He’s got me on this mission for a reason—because I’m the one he thinks can lead it, so I’ll do exactly what I know is right.
Max is pleased with my determination to save Cassie, so I won’t let him down. I won’t let anyone down. I’m going to find that girl wherever she’s and make sure that she’s safe. Hopefully, before any of the Mexican Cartel get their hands on her. Those guys, from what I’ve heard, are terrible. They can be freaking animals, and no one deserves to be subjected to that. Even this time on the plane is stressful because it’s all wasted time. Every moment I’m sitting on this ride, things could be happening to her. The protectiveness within me, the need to get to her alive, is damn near overwhelming, more so than anything that has ever gripped me before. I like making the world a better and safer place, but this is on another level.
The plane begins to descend, and I peek out of the window so I can get a glimpse of what I’m heading into. The island below me is sunny and glamorous. I can see beaches stretch out for miles. But I can’t focus on any of that. Instead, I need to look at the jungle area because this isn’t a vacation. This is a rescue mission, and I need to give it my all. The beauty of the island is fabulous, but there’s a dangerous undertone which is what I’m here to deal with. It’s scary. I mean, there’s a danger everywhere. Every place in the world has a criminal underbelly, even the smallest, safest-seeming American town—around the world, to be honest—but I can really feel it here. Probably because I have to tackle it, and right now, I’m all by myself.
“This is what you’re here for,” I whisper, reminding myself. “This is what you’re doing. It’s going to be fine.”
Self-doubt is coming through me, but I force myself to remember Max’s words. He has flooded me with the knowledge that I can do anything. I don’t have any freaking choice, anyway. I’m here and ready to take on the Cartel… the fucking Cartel . Shit, seriously, every time I think about taking on the Cartel, it makes my head spin. But I’ll figure it out somehow…
The plane lands, and I shove the nerves away and thank the pilot for flying me to my destination. She isn’t sticking around. Max may well have her on another mission. I know that everyone is pretty busy at the moment on jobs, so the plane could be needed anywhere. As it rises back into the skies and vanishes into nothingness, it strikes me that it’s time to begin. There’s no more wasted time because I’m in the area. Before the meeting, as well, which is all really great news. So far, this is going to plan.
“Right.” I dig my hand into my bag to find the paperwork of everything booked for me by Max. Since he knows the area a lot better than me, he got me a room near the jungle meeting place, and I just need to find it. “Ah, here we are. A motel, fine.”
I can do a motel. Fucking hell, I’ve slept in war zones, so even the dingiest motel is fine. I’m not exactly in the line of work where I can be fussy about that sort of shit. Once I’m in a motel, I can get myself organized, anyway. I can go through the paperwork as well, yet another time even though I probably know it all from scratch, and make myself a plan that will work.
“Benji?” Someone is yelling at me, screaming my name, and there’s a whole lot of panic in the yelling as well. This isn’t just someone who’s calling after me. It’s someone who needs my help. I just need to find out who it is… “Benji! Benji?”
Bombs explode all around me, so I can’t see. My heart pumps burning hot blood all the way through my body, my ears pound with a serious aching, and I can’t catch my breath however hard I try. This is a nightmare. One that doesn’t seem to end.
“Who is it?” I scream back. “What’s happening? What can I do?” I cough hard. The dust is consuming me. Or is that water flooding my lungs? I can’t tell anymore. “Who is it? Who needs me? Is something?—”
The banging sounds explode inside me, all around me, all the way through me. I still don’t know what’s going on, but I’m scared. I don’t get scared in the middle of war zones. I can’t. None of us are every allowed to. It’s what’s stripped from us in training, but right now, I am. I’m utterly terrified to my bones. I’m frozen to the spot. I don’t know if I can move.
Someone needs me, someone really needs me, and I’m pretty sure it’s someone I care deeply about as well, but that’s why I can’t move. I’m too terrified of messing up. If I mess up and someone dies, I can’t handle that on my conscience. Too many people have already died. I know that I’ve lost friends, comrades, people I wanted in my life forever more. I don’t want that again. I can’t handle another funeral, another loss, another person, another piece of my heart being shattered.
Cassie. The voice wasn’t male. It wasn’t one of the guys in my platoon. Why didn’t I pick up on that before? It’s the beautiful young woman who was calling out to me, and she’s a person I need to get to. She’s in so much unbearable trouble. I hate it. Yet, I still can’t move. It’s as if I’ve been encased in lead. Nothing will move. I freaking need to get to Cassie soon.
A snake or a rope might as well be wrapped around me, yanking at me, pulling the world out from underneath me, and all I can think about is the stunning redhead who keeps calling out my name in sheer desperation. She needs me, and I’m useless.
I’ve never laid eyes on her before, not in real life, yet the magnetic depth of the pull toward her is unbearable. I can’t fight it, I can’t beat it, even with everything inside me screaming for more. I don’t even have the space inside me to yell back to Cassie, to let her know that I’m coming for her. I want her to know that she will be safe soon enough, but I can’t.
“Fuck.” The curse explodes out of me as I bolt upright in bed. Sweat pours down my face, stinging my eyes as I open them, and I gasp hard in a pathetic attempt to get some air inside my lungs, but it isn’t exactly working out. “Fucking hell…”
When I first left the Navy, I had a lot of nightmares, a whole lot of horrible dreams that put me smack bang in the middle of a war zone once more. Not one that was real, just a mishmash of experiences. But that hasn’t happened in a very long time. Yet, something about Puerto Rico has me back in this place. Something about this job puts me on edge.
“Fucking hell,” I whisper this time as I rub the sweat off me. “Oh, my God, this is a nightmare. What am I doing?” My eyes ache. I press my palms into them to try and block out the world for a second. “Fucking hell, this is a pain in the ass.”
With my heart pounding quite as horrendously as it is, I just know that I won’t be going back to sleep anytime soon. This motel room isn’t exactly designed for sleep, anyway. It’s hot and uncomfortable with a weird smell clinging to the air, so it was just lucky that I was exhausted enough to get some rest before what lies ahead. But not anymore. It doesn’t matter what time of day it is, what’s going on, because I’m wide awake and I need to sort myself out. I can’t be like this anymore. It isn’t working out.
I decide to slide out of the bed, which is doing me no favors anyway, and I head into the bathroom. I flick the shower on and stand underneath the tepid jets of water as soon as it’s warm enough to be bearable, trying to calm myself the hell down. My body is messy, my emotions are all over the place, and that isn’t the place where I need to be mentally. Not for a mission where there’s a life at stake. It’s a recipe for disaster. Yes, I did lose people during my time as a Navy SEAL, which is actually why I had to walk away from that career. It was too much for me to see others die while I remained alive, but I don’t normally let that crush me anymore. I always hold my head up high and survive for them. It’s the only way I can keep on going.
I will not fuck this up for Cassie. My dream won’t come true because nothing will stop me from getting to her.