13. Benji
13
BENJI
O h… my… God. I don’t even want to open my eyes yet, even if I’m awake, because I’m in shock. I’m stunned at myself and at Cassie as well. I mean, I sensed that there was something there floating between us through the day, but I didn’t think that would come of it. What started off as a very sexy dream became a reality so intense I don’t know what to think.
I’ve never had sex like that before. In my twenty-nine years of life, it has never been so phenomenal. I’m blown away.
But the action of sex is one thing. So is falling asleep in one another’s arms, but today, we are going to have to address it in one way or another. We’re going to have some kind of awkward conversation, which is exactly why this shouldn’t have happened.
Cassie and I, as much as we have amazing chemistry, as much as it would be incredible to continue on, can’t. There are so many reasons we shouldn’t even consider one another that I don’t have the emotional energy to list them to myself right now. Even if it would probably give me the strength that I need to get through the next few hours… I just… I can’t.
I peek. I don’t open my eyes fully because I want to prepare myself for what I’m waking up to, but relief floods me as I realize that Cassie is still sleeping. I can have a moment to wrap my head around everything first. And get dressed as well. Seeing one another naked in the dark while things are happening is one thing, but I don’t think she needs to see me now.
I try my hardest not to look at Cassie as I get dressed because it feels kinda rude to do so, but since there’s an intense magnetic pull between us, I can’t help it. I don’t stand a chance. My eyes wander over to her of their own accord, and honestly, every time I see her my heart skips about ten beats. I’ve been thinking about her, feeling something for her ever since I saw her photo, but that’s only intensified since last night. Now, I really ache for her. I need to hold her again.
Get some fresh air, I warn myself in an attempt to let my rational side win out this time around. Check the area.
I’m supposed to be more focused on our safety than anything else, so this makes sense. I take a step outside the tent and try to soak in some of the dewy morning air which will hopefully cool my head down. I absolutely need these thoughts about Cassie to, if not stop, then drift off to one side so I can focus. I can worry about her beauty and the way she makes me feel when our lives are back on track. Maybe we should concentrate on that first and avoid any conversation at all…
“Don’t be a coward,” I mutter to myself. “Don’t disappoint her and yourself by hiding it all inside. Just… do it.”
I don’t know why this chat feels more intense than anything that’s ever come before, probably because everything between us is heightened to a level I’ve never experienced before. There seems to be a whole lot more on the line.
I wander around the tent for a while, half scouting the area out as much as I can and half trying to plan how I’ll start any conversation. I need to be delicate, to find the right words, to ensure that I do nothing to upset Cassie. She’s bound to be emotional after everything she’s been through. It really might be sinking in now, and that might link to the fact that we had sex. I mean, I sure feel a bit emotional about it, and I don’t have as much riding on my shoulders.
But I can’t put it off forever. I can’t hide outside the tent for the rest of our lives. I can hear a stirring inside the tent anyway, which I can only assume is Cassie waking up. I give her more than enough time to gather herself up and to get dressed before I finally make it back inside. I still do so with a tentative nature about me because I don’t want it to get weird.
“Good morning.” Cassie smiles much too brightly. I think she might be trying to hide her awkwardness. “How are things?”
Well, if that’s how she wants to play it, then I’m more than happy to go along with it for the minute. We will get around to the conversation at some point throughout the day. I guess we don’t need to start on it right away.
“Good morning, I’m good.” I nod slowly. “Yeah, alright. I was just checking around. Seeing what’s going on.”
“Anything to worry about?” Her hands rest on her hips, drawing my attention to her waist. “Anything going on?”
“Not so much. I mean, I can’t say that there definitely isn’t something to worry about because I don’t know for sure, but for the moment, I think everything is fine. I definitely think that we should get a move on soon, though.”
“Well, I’m ready. I just need to get packed up. I’ll help you take the tent down and everything. You don’t need to do it alone.”
“I was actually thinking that I might leave the tent up,” I inform her. “To make it seem like we might be here. Once we’re gone, it could be a good decoy if any of the gang members do spot it, and also because it takes forever to pack away. I don’t think that we need to waste the time trying to put it away. It’ll just be a whole lot easier that way, I think…”
Cassie nods silently. I can almost see the cogs ticking around in her brain, but I don’t know what she’s thinking. I need to ask. This seems like the right time to start the dreaded conversation, but the words aren’t coming. They are stuck in the back of my throat. I’m starting to think that if I start talking about us, we’re going to end up pushing apart from one another.
Bang! I glance around wildly. What the hell was that? I mean, I know what that was, I recognize the noise, but it’s hard to accept that it’s happening now. It’s too early in the morning for that. Bang, bang, bang!
“They are here.” Cassie begins trembling instantly. “Oh, God, they’ve come back for me already. This is a nightmare.”
It is a nightmare, it’s hell, it’s the middle of a fucking drama that no one wants. It puts our issues to the back of my mind. There’s no conversation needed to be had right now. We need to get away from here, and quickly.
“Okay, let’s not panic,” I command, hoping that she will listen to me. “Let’s continue on with our plan. We need to pack up quickly, move a little faster. But don’t worry because they aren’t close enough just yet. We have time.”
“Are you sure about that?” she asks, her voice shaking with nerves. “Are you sure we have the time?”
I nod confidently, showing her that I know we can do this. Even if there are any nerves deep within me, I’m not going to let Cassie see that. The sounds are mixed up in the jungle. It isn’t always easy to tell where noises are coming from, but my determination to make sure that we get out of here alive will overshadow everything. I have to do this for her. For us.
I start moving quickly, packing everything up as fast as I can, and Cassie takes my lead. She might be in shock and a little glazed-eyed like she was yesterday, but she’s doing what needs to be done, for which I’m grateful. It makes everything a whole lot easier. Neither of us is letting things go, neither of us is giving up. We are working together.
“Are we going to the motel now?” Cassie demands, anger flooding her tone in place of fear. “Are we getting out of here?”
“Yes, I don’t think that we need to spend any more time in the jungle. Neither of us needs that.”
Also, we’re leaving the tent behind so another night in the jungle isn’t really possible. We will be stuck with the elements. But again, that isn’t something we need to discuss. I’m just going to get us out of here no matter what. There’s no Plan B. I really don’t see Cassie being able to handle a Plan B, anyway. She needs to be back with her family, in reality, at long last.
“Okay.” I reach out my hand to hers, and Cassie takes it willingly. Thank God, at least last night hasn’t made it awkward. I would hate that. Especially in this situation. “Come on, then, I think it’s time for us to get out of here.”
We move quickly, almost running a lot of the way, clinging to one another a lot of the time. I hold on to a whole lot of fear that we will end up making the same mistake as last time and run into one of the guys. I have my gun with me, within reach at all times, but I would much rather not be put in a position where I have to kill again. I don’t want to be forced to go into hiding once more. I get the feeling that Cassie isn’t keen on the killing either, and she’s on edge enough as it is.
“Are you okay?” It looks like the heat is getting to her, like she’s getting weary already. “I just need to check the map.”
I give her water, and as she gulps it down, I check the map and the compass to make sure we’re headed in the right direction. I don’t like stopping. It makes me very anxious, but if it allows us to keep on going, then so be it. I don’t want to push her too far over the edge until she faints. I don’t know if carrying her out of the jungle will work out well.
“Are we going in the right direction?” She wipes the sweat from her forehead. “You aren’t worried, are you?”
She might be trying to say this in a lighthearted manner, but I can hear the strain in her words. I don’t need to because thankfully, my tracking skills have been on point all morning, but if I told her that we weren’t, I have a feeling that she might fall.
“We’re good, you don’t need to worry. We’re going to be back soon. We’ll be sorted.”
She can relax then, but not me. I need to get on the phone to Max right away. I need to get him on the case to get me and Cassie away. I’ll need a plane to take me as far away from Puerto Rico as possible, preferably with Cassie by my side so I can keep an eye on her as much as I can, but I suppose she will want to be back with her family at last.
“You can speak to your family. You will be talking to them soon,” I reassure her. “I know you’re worried about that.”
Cassie’s face darkens. I don’t know how much she even wants to speak to her family now, but I suppose that’s something we can deal with later. She can decide what she wants to do with regard to her family when we’re safe. But for now, we need to keep on moving. We need to get our asses out of here as soon as possible…