Chapter 30
MAE
Life was good.
As I lay down in the bed, I congratulated myself on washing off my makeup and downing a bottle of water. After a long night of wine tasting, tomorrow morning I would be thankful. If only two minutes ago I’d thought to turn off the lamp before snuggling deep into the soft bed. Dammit.
I’d turn it off. In a minute.
In the meantime, I picked up my phone and looked at the time.
Just after one. Sighing, I gave a silent thank you to the universe for such good friends.
I felt better than ever about the glimmer of a life plan I’d concocted over the past few days.
For the first time since I’d come home… actually, since the disastrous dinner date with Mathieu when my life came crashing down around me, I didn’t feel so lost.
With one (glaring) exception.
Don’t do it, Mae. You were the one who set the ground rules.
Screw the ground rules, the devil on my other shoulder told me. It was just a little text. He’d be at the bar still.
One little hint?
And then waited. But instead of scrolling anywhere else, I actually stared at the screen. Yep, like I said to the girls, I was royally screwed.
Put it down. Turn off the light. And go to bed.
I actually began to sit up, to do just that, when a text bubble appeared. And then…
Still up, huh?
Slipping back down, repositioning myself in the middle of the pillow, I replied with a thumbs up.
Working?
Nope. Deep-cleaning keg lines tomorrow. Shut down early.
Did I wake you up?
Nope.
He was still typing.
And wouldn’t mind if you did.
I sent a smiley face.
How was ur night?
Amazing. Will tell you about it tomorrow!
Looking forward to it.
My pulse raced as I realized… I was too. Looking forward to seeing Beck. Who would’ve thought?
Nite nite.
:( leaving me already?
It wasn’t unusual. This entire conversation was one I could have had three months, or a year, or three years ago, with Beck. And yet, his words took on a whole new meaning now.
Aren’t you tired?
Are you?
A few minutes ago, yes. Very. Now?
Not really.
Whatcha want to do?
I mean, talk about?
The second text came through quickly.
I could ignore it. Should ignore it.
Freudian slip?
My heart thudded as I waited for his answer. I was pushing it, but couldn’t seem to stop myself.
No. Intentional.
Smiling, I thought about what to say next. I loved the ocean, but never was a fan of swimming in it, always content to sit on the beach or dip my toes in. But it felt as if I was wading into waist-deep water now with no idea what was swimming around me.
Options being?
I’d just taken a big step forward and was now in up to my chin.
I’d elaborate, but it’s against your rules.
Which one?
Since there were only two, and kissing wasn’t possible at the moment, I knew exactly which one. Another step and I’d be above my head.
Pretty sure ‘real talk’ would break your crossing the line rule.
Real talk. It’s what Beck and I used to say when one of us thought the other one was bullshitting. It was a way to say, “Spit it out,” and get honest. We had some pretty deep conversations because of it.
How so?
You want me to answer that?
This was the crossroads. I could feel it.
If I responded, “Probably not,” we could end the conversation here.
Proceed as planned. The other path had some pretty serious consequences.
Mathieu was one thing. Losing Beck from my life would be devastation I wouldn’t have the faintest idea how to come back from.
On the other hand, Jules’s advice when I was hedging on going to France… “You don’t get to rewrite a moment you were too afraid to live.”
I do.
I was in the deep end now.
Option one, follow the rules, make small talk and say goodnight.
And option two?
We could play.
Ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod.
Meaning?
Truth or dare?
Was this really happening?
Truth.
How many times have you thought about our kiss since Saturday?
I took a deep breath, the fresh cabin air from a slight breeze off the lake spilling into my bedroom window. How many times? I had no idea.
Too many to count.
I got a smiley face for that.
Your turn, truth or dare.
Truth.
Thank goodness. I had no idea what I would’ve dared him.
When did this start for you?
Already a text bubble formed.
A long, long time ago.
How was it possible? This wasn’t far from our first “real talk,” and yet all this time…
Truth or dare?
Did I dare to go there?
Memento mori and all that. Here went nothing.
Dare.
Put your phone in your left hand.
Easy enough.
Lick your middle finger, Mae.
Holy shit. But I did it.
Now slip that down, into your pussy.
No, he did not.
There would be no going back after this. The thought of not doing it, though, left me… empty. A dare was a dare, after all. Though if I were being honest to myself, that really had nothing to do with the fact that I listened. Again.
Imagine that’s my finger, because it will be. Moving just how you like it. Don’t hold back.
And so, I did.
For a second, there were no more texts. But I could tell he was typing. At this point, I’d have a hard time stopping, imagining just what Beck had told me to.
Oh, boy. So that’s why it took so long. A voice text.
“There you go.” His deep smooth voice played in my ear. “Close your eyes and circle your clit, Mae, as if I’m right there with you. Mmmm, that’s it. Do you feel it building? Are you gonna come for me?”
I couldn’t text back.
The very thought of what we were doing, what I was doing…
Another one.
“That’s it. Think about how, the second I’m off this phone, I’m going into my shower, taking myself in my hand and imagining you lying on that bed coming apart for me right now. Go ahead, Mae, let go for me, baby.”
It was the baby that did it.
I actually came, just like he told me to.
Without a vibrator. Just by listening to his voice.
I lay there for a few extra seconds, letting my breathing go back to normal.
And then before I could think twice about it, I jumped out of bed, washed my hands, splashed water on my face and dried it, and then headed back into the bedroom.
While I was up, I turned off the lamp and crawled back into bed.
Picking up my phone, I laughed at his confused emoji.
Sorry. Took me a minute to recover.
From?
You know what.
Type it.
Awful demanding. Didn’t hate it.
Coming, listening to your voice.
Good. Now it’s time to put your phone down and dream of doing that with me there for real. Then maybe we can renegotiate our arrangement tomorrow.
Lol, I knew you had an angle.
Just winning you over. If that’s an angle, guilty as charged.
Smiling, I sent him a smile and goodnight face, waited for the same, and put my phone on the nightstand. That was hot. Surprising. And most of all, whether smart or not, a tipping point.
Tomorrow would be… interesting.