Chapter 34
MAE
“Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve had an ice cream cone?”
Beck walked beside me, taking a sip of his milkshake. I could never understand why someone would want to drink their ice cream.
“They don’t have ice cream in France?”
“They do, but it’s not the same. Smaller scoops, richer flavors, and no rainbow sprinkles in sight.”
When Beck texted earlier to ask if I wanted to meet him in the square, I’d been researching starting a business.
And checking my phone, wondering who would reach out first. If there was a guidebook on how to approach potentially dating your friend without destroying your relationship, I really could have used it.
“No rainbow sprinkles?” he asked, taking the path which led to the only public lake access near the square. “And you considered actually living there?”
It was a reminder that I had, a few months ago, been engaged.
“I was… caught up in the fantasy of it all.”
His tanned bicep flexed as Beck lifted the shake to his mouth.
A vision of that mouth grazing my nipple reminded me why I’d been tossing and turning all night.
It was a different kind of unsettled than when I’d first come home.
This was more like a nervous excitement, the moment just as you get to the top of a roller coaster. Fun, but a little scary too.
Miraculously, a lakefront bench was empty. On a Saturday, this time of year, they were prime seats. Grabbing it, we sat.
“What do you mean?” He crossed his legs. Beck wore a tee and jeans, his normal attire. The shirt was from a music festival we’d gone to in college when he’d flashed his ass out the back window of the car on the way home in traffic.
“Being back home reminds me of all the things I missed in France. But when I was there, I was content to forgot all of that for a… dream life. Or what I thought was a dream life at the time.”
“You don’t think so anymore?”
It was a question I’d been considering lately.
“I’m not sure. It just felt as if I had everything. But now?”
Without the proper words to explain the turmoil I felt, I licked my ice cream cone instead.
At Beck’s groan, I stifled a grin and did it again, this time, more provocatively.
“O’Malley,” he warned.
I gave him my most innocent smile.
“Yes, Claymont?”
“Keep it up.”
“Or else?”
Instead of answering, he shot me a warning look and stared out at the lake. We sat in silence for a bit. That was one thing about us. The silence had never been uncomfortable.
“Could you be happy here?”
It was the one question I couldn’t answer. For so long, my dream was to get out of Cedar Falls, not stay in it. I had enjoyed living in France. And probably would enjoy other places just as much.
But here? Where everyone knew your business and trying new restaurants meant driving at least forty minutes from home?
I looked at him, unsure what to say.
“You don’t know.”
It wasn’t a question.
“What amazes me is how well we know each other, and yet all this time…”
His half smile meant Beck wasn’t going to let me off the hook.
“You liked me,” I finished, lamely.
“That’s one way to put it.”
He smelled so good. Looked so good. There was a time, way back in middle school, the younger version of me would have died for Beck to look at me the way he was right now. Before I realized he would break my heart if we ever “went there.”
Never date the neighbor.
They really created a rule. For me.
This was too heavy for a sunny Saturday afternoon eating ice cream.
I’d planned on telling him about my research but couldn’t do it.
Starting a business here meant I was staying in Cedar Falls.
He’d asked if I could be happy here, and until I could answer that question with confidence, I wouldn’t put us down that path.
“I found an apartment.”
That brought me out of my reverie.
“Are you serious?”
“Yep. That’s what I was doing in town. It’s actually a double, three hundred block of Lake Street. Eventually I’d like to buy something, obviously, but in the meantime it’s close to the bar and for rent.”
“You’re moving out of the inn?”
I was shocked. When Beck first told me about the arrangement, I’d teased that Mason would never get them out of there. It was like college all over again.
“It was never meant to be permanent. The renovations are just about done. Parker will be moving out as soon as the house is finished. And with the baby coming…” He shrugged. “It’s time.”
Holy shit.
The bar. An apartment.
He was really trying.
“Wow,” I teased. “I honestly thought you and the guys would grow old there, sitting on the back deck with your cigars talking about the good ol’ days.”
“Don’t rule that out,” he said, finishing his milkshake.
Beck stood to toss it out, giving me a very fine view of his very fine ass.
“Caught you looking,” he said, turning around quickly.
“You’re ridiculous.”
He tossed his empty shake like it was a three-point shot. Hit it, of course. Beck was one of those guys that was good at every sport he tried, including basketball.
“Do you remember the time—”
“I kissed you?” he asked.
He sat just as I finished my cone. I thought of licking my sticky fingers, but that was probably not the best idea at the moment.
“How did you guess that’s what I was thinking?” I wondered.
“Because I don’t play a pickup game without remembering it. Mason dared me.”
“I remember.”
“You and your friends were waiting for us to come out of the gym. It was the week of our eighth-grade dance,” he said.
“I pretended to be appalled, knowing everyone was watching.”
“Pretended?”
“Mmm hmm,” I murmured.
“You’re gonna have to explain that one.”
“Well.” I wasn’t sure how to phrase it. “Of course I wanted you to do it. Everyone, including me, knew you were the cutest guy in middle school.”
“Oh yeah?”
I rolled my eyes. He was just looking for compliments now. “But I’d also made a bit of a show of not wanting to be another one of your fan club members. So I convinced my friends, and myself I guess, it was appalling. The idea of me and you, anything more than friends.”
“I was a bit of a jerk,” he admitted.
“A Casanova in training.”
“Of sorts.”
“Why?”
It was a loaded question. And I could guess at the answer. But I wondered if Beck had given it any thought himself.
“Why?” His gaze dropped down to my lips.
A fact that was difficult to ignore. “I could blame my parents, I guess. Even then they were disconnected… so different from me, and from your family. But…” He shrugged.
“I’m sure there was more to it than that.
I got a lot of attention, and liked it. Leaned into it just a little too much. Insecurity, maybe?”
He was more self-aware than I’d have expected.
“I like this Beck.”
“You would.”
“What does that mean?”
One second, we were sitting beside each other on the bench. The next, he reached out, grabbed my hand, and entwined his fingers through mine. It was so unexpected, I didn’t know what to say. Or do. Just that… it felt right.
“Do you remember when you asked me, when you first came home, why men suck?”
I thought back, and did remember it. I nodded.
His fingers tightened around mine. “I think I’m ready to give you an answer.”
My breath caught.
But before he could finish, Beck’s phone buzzed. He let go of my hand and pulled it out.
“Shit. I’ve gotta go. I’ll see you at the bar. We have plenty of coverage. Come whenever.”
“Beck? What is it?”
I wasn’t sure if he heard me. He was still focused on his phone as he jogged across the grass back uphill, leaving me behind with no clue as to what had just happened.