Chapter 39
HAYDEN
“You can’t go, Hayden,” Carter said frantically. “You can’t leave!”
The gentle hand on my arm was Sawyer’s. I yanked my elbow so quickly from his grasp that his fingers snapped.
“WATCH ME.”
I stormed into the bedroom, hoping beyond hope that none of them would stop the door from slamming shut behind me. Thankfully, they didn’t. All three of them remained in the hallway, totally at a loss of what to do.
But I knew what had to be done.
Stupid!
Moving quickly I scrambled to pull open my dresser drawers. It was difficult, with my eyes so blurred by tears.
So fucking stupid!
It wasn’t enough that I’d inconvenienced these men or put them in danger. Now my very presence was actually destroying their lives, and even their livelihood.
“Hayden…”
A tentative voice, through the door. Carter’s maybe. Or Bodie.
“LEAVE ME ALONE.”
My arms moved in a blur, scattering my meager possessions over the surface of the bed, prepping them for packing. I had to get out of here. Not only that, I had to do it as quickly as possible, before anything else happened.
“We’re not going to let—”
“Anything happen to me!?” I shouted back. “Yeah, okay!” I laughed maniacally. “But what about you?”
Cole had of course retaliated, as I knew in my heart he would.
He’d fought dirty his whole life — inside the octagon and out — and I should’ve realized this situation would be no different.
Thinking back, I actually had realized it.
I’d just chosen to ignore it, hoping that this time, things might turn out for the best.
So much for that logic.
“Angel—”
“I’m NOT your angel!” I shouted back loudly, my own words causing a stab of pain to rip through my heart. “I’m the devil, remember? The devil that showed up on your doorstep; and destroyed everything you worked for, without even trying!”
New tears streamed down my cheeks, obliterating my eyesight and blurring everything in front of me. I couldn’t tell what the hell I was doing. Shit, I could barely even breathe.
He warned me this would happen…
In the end I packed by grabbing fistfuls of whatever I had and just stuffing it in my bag. A minute later I hit the bathroom and did the same.
“Hayden!”
It didn’t matter; I could sort it all out later. All that mattered right now was getting away from the three people I loved most. The three men whose lives had been totally derailed, just by my very presence.
My very selfish presence.
I finished packing and sat on the bed for a moment, gathering myself.
I still couldn’t believe they’d lost the bar.
Then again I could believe it, because Cole was so unfortunately fucking connected to everyone in town, and had been for years.
The friendships he forged during his hero days had endured even beyond his fall from grace, and it made perfect sense he’d know someone who could call in the fire marshal, send in the department of health, or even get the building condemned if he wanted to.
The asshole would do it all without thinking twice, too.
He’d do it without any regard for the lives he shattered, as long as it served a means to his own end.
Walk away from them.
Cole’s deep voice resonated in the back of my pounding, spinning head.
Go back to your place, and I’ll never go near them.
It was a little late for that. Then again, if I left now there was a chance I could at least appease him.
If I did what he said, maybe I could get him to undo at least some of the damage that had already been done.
Cole could call off his dogs. He could lean on whatever he needed to, to get The Refuge’s liquor license temporarily reinstated.
No matter what happened, it was worth a try.
“Fuck it.”
Bouncing up from the bed, I slung my bag over my shoulder and steeled myself as I placed my hand on the knob.
I knew none of them would stop me from leaving; physically, anyway.
There would be pleading, and reasoning, and words that made me cry, but nothing could keep my legs from moving me down the hall, out the door, and into my car.
Nothing, Hayden?
I stopped, blinking back all new tears. I loved and adored these men. That was a truth I’d already faced and even embraced, knowing it would probably mean heartbreak later on. I loved them, yes, but could you really love more than one person? And what about three?
My mouth tightened into a frown. Gluttony is what got me here in the first place.
I’d been greedy with my own wants and needs, without thinking of the emotional repercussions.
And now here, just beyond this door, I had to face the reality of my reckless actions.
I was about to hurt these three guys, very deeply.
On top of everything else I’d done to them.
I threw open the door, and flew down the hallway as fast as my trembling legs would carry me.
Ripping the Band-Aid off quickly was the only way I knew.