Chapter 4 #2
Since the topic of his parents was bringing him down, I changed the subject to safe ones and began peppering him with the more basic questions two people typically went through when they were on a first date.
I easily answered every question he lobbed back at me and only hedged on the ones relating to my work.
But even the lie by omission was enough to sour the food in my stomach.
When it came time to pay the bill, it took only a single, firm, no-nonsense command for Elliot to put his wallet away.
I paid the bill and then took his hand in mine before leading him from the diner.
As we headed for the waterfront, the conversation became easy and light and I liked how Elliot became freer with his words and his body.
He leaned into me as he spoke, he flirted here and there, and even when he fell into a thoughtful silence, he stayed with me by stroking his thumb over mine or giving my hand an extra squeeze.
It wasn’t until we ended up in a busy ice cream shop that things changed.
Momentarily.
Since that was all I would allow.
It happened as soon as we entered. I’d dropped his hand long enough to open the door for him, but when I reached for it again with the intent of leading him to the end of the long line, he carefully eased his hand away. At my questioning look, he said, “It’s okay, you don’t have to.”
If I hadn’t seen the pain in his eyes, I’d have thought he was the one who had an issue with the public display of affection in the overly crowded shop. But clearly, he thought I was the one who’d have a problem with it.
I disabused him of that notion when I snagged his hand and then gently maneuvered his arm behind his back, forcing his body to press against mine to compensate for the move.
Elliot’s eyes lit up with a mix of surprise and desire and if we’d been anywhere else, I would have taken things a step further to make sure he was getting my message loud and clear.
“We good?” I asked as I pressed my hips against his, not caring if we were putting on a show for the rest of the patrons.
Elliot managed a nod, but nothing more.
“Good,” I said before leading him to the back of the line. I put him in front of me and wrapped my arms around his chest. I let my mouth nuzzle the side of his neck, then his ear. “We’re going to talk about what just happened later.”
Another nod.
We didn’t speak again until we got up to the counter.
Elliot eyed the dozens of flavors and asked to try several, but when he looked to me expectantly, I shook my head and laughed.
I dropped my mouth to his ear and whispered, “You’re going to have to help me out on this one because your eyes have lit up more times than a fucking Christmas tree since we got up here. ”
He grinned and then whispered his flavor choice in my ear.
Then he discreetly pressed a kiss against it before drawing back.
I managed to order for him and myself, and he didn’t argue with me when I paid for the ice cream and collected our cones.
We walked along the length of the pier as we ate our ice cream.
By the time we’d reached the end of it, we’d finished the treats.
Before I could ask Elliot my next question, he said, “You’ve got a little ice cream right here,” and then his finger came up to touch a spot on the corner of my mouth.
Before I could reach up to take care of it, Elliot leaned forward and pressed the gentlest of kisses to the spot.
“Thank you, Cruz,” he said right before he pulled back. “I really needed this tonight.”
I was too overwhelmed to speak. How had this man managed to tie me in knots so quickly?
Elliot turned and leaned against the end of the pier and I did the same. We didn’t speak as we watched a ferry cross the bay and dock. We didn’t talk, but we were still communicating in so many ways. Little touches, the occasional look, a soft smile.
It was during one of those emotion-filled looks Elliot sent my way that I held his gaze with mine and when I turned toward him, he did the same.
I saw the moment he knew what I was going to do, because his eyes did that thing.
But even then, I didn’t rush it. No, I just watched him for several beats, then used my fingers to tuck an errant lock of hair behind his ear.
He was trembling, but he didn’t move otherwise.
Not to pull away.
Not to lean toward me.
He was letting me lead… giving me the trust that I craved. When I finally dipped my head and my lips were nearly brushing his, he whispered in a rush, “I’m not good at this part.”
His insecurity didn’t surprise me in the least, so I paused only long enough to say, “Yes, you are,” and then covered his mouth with mine.
I swallowed his gasp of surprise and let my tongue slide into the deepest recesses of his mouth.
He was stiff and unresponsive for all of two seconds, then he was kissing me back with all the passion I’d suspected was lying untapped inside of him.
His arms curled around my neck at the same time I wrapped mine around his waist. I pulled him flush against me and, not caring who was watching, devoured his mouth as my hands roamed up and down his body.
Elliot was anything but passive during my sensual assault.
No, he was returning every kiss with fervor and when I was forced to come up for air, his lips latched onto my neck.
It was only when I heard a discreet cough that I remembered where we were and broke the kiss and forced some space between our bodies.
I’d somehow managed to break my promise to myself to wait to taste him until we were some place where we wouldn’t be interrupted.
But holy fuck, had it been worth it.
Elliot was completely oblivious to our surroundings as he fought to catch his breath. His hands were pressed against my chest and I had no doubt he could feel the desperate pounding of my heart. “You said you weren’t going to do that tonight,” he managed to get out.
“It’s not tonight anymore, Elliot. It’s after midnight, which means it’s tomorrow.”
Elliot chuckled and dropped his forehead to my shoulder.
I put my hand against the back of his neck and pressed a kiss against his temple.
“What were you saying about not being good at that part?” He didn’t answer, just shook his head.
But I wasn’t willing to simply let it go, so I whispered into his ear, “If you get any better at that, you’re going to send me to an early grave. ”
I could feel him smiling against me. When he pulled back, his eyes were bright with emotion. “Cruz,” he said softly.
Just my name, but it was enough. It was the same as when he’d said my name for the first time back at the hotel. I could hear the unspoken question just as surely as if he’d yelled it into my ear.
“Are you sure, Elliot?” I asked. As badly as Elliot needed me to take control, there were some things I just needed to hear him say. Once we’d been together longer, I knew that wouldn’t be the case…
The thought dropped off as cold reality intruded. There would be no together after he found out who I really was.
And he would find out.
Because I was going to tell him myself.
“Never been surer of anything. But… but I need it to be like it was at the hotel.”
And there it was, in no uncertain terms.
“Where do you live?”
Elliot gave me the address and I realized it was within walking distance.
But I was far too impatient. If I only had a few hours left with this man before I had to tell him who I really was, then I was going to take full advantage of it.
“Your keys,” I said as I held out my hand.
Elliot dug his keys out of his pocket and handed them over without question.
“Which one is for your apartment?” I asked.
“This one.” He pointed to it and I nodded before sticking the keys in my pocket. Since it was too far to walk back to the hotel to get our cars, I said, “We’ll take a cab.”
“Can we stop by the bathroom? I need to wash my hands.”
I nodded, though I suspected what he really needed was a moment to himself.
Part of me didn’t want to give it to him in case he changed his mind, but the other part knew that this choice was something he couldn’t be regretting at any point.
I led him down the pier and waited near the railing while he went into the public bathroom.
It was a single bathroom, so I didn’t have to worry about him encountering anyone in there.
I wasn’t as lucky, because as soon as Elliot disappeared inside, a familiar voice said, “What are you doing, Cruz?”
I didn’t bother looking at the man I knew was behind me.
“You were watching, Matias,” I said to my brother. “You know what I was doing.”
My brother leaned against the railing next to me. “This is dangerous,” he said. “There are other ways to get close enough to him to keep him safe.”
“You think I don’t know that?” I murmured.
It stung to know that my brother disapproved of what I was doing, but I couldn’t explain the pull Elliot had on me, so how was I supposed to explain it to the man I’d idolized my entire life?
The man who’d protected me from my father’s fists?
The big brother who’d shown up in that darkened alley just like my assailants had known he would?
“Then why?”
I looked at Matias. “Does it matter?”
“No, I suppose not,” he responded.
I let my eyes rake over the brother who I no longer recognized.
Physically, he hadn’t changed much since we’d left the military.
If anything, he was a little more heavily built than he had been, probably from all the extra hours he spent in the gym trying to burn off the rage and guilt he was feeling about the events of that night in the alley more than two years ago. But little else about him was familiar.
At ten years older than me, he’d never been an overly demonstrative kind of guy, but the coldness was new and something I’d never get used to.
He never smiled anymore, never interacted with me beyond talking about the information relating to the cases we worked for Ronan together.
We’d never talked about the night of the attack, and even after two years, he spent every free moment trying to find the single assailant who’d gotten away.
The Matias I’d known growing up would have wanted to know what I was feeling – what Elliot was making me feel – but this Matias wouldn’t care.
Because this Matias couldn’t feel.
I decided to change the subject and said, “Anything?”
Matias had been following us from the moment we’d left the hotel. I’d planned it that way in order to give Elliot more of my attention so I could build a rapport with him. But the plan had never been to get this close.
“No,” Matias said, then he was straightening. “Be careful, little brother,” he murmured before he disappeared into the shadows again. Seconds later, Elliot came out of the bathroom. He was visibly nervous as he approached me.
“Ready?” I asked, fully prepared for him to tell me he’d changed his mind about what was about to happen.
“Ready,” he said softly, then lifted his head just a little.
I happily gave him what he wanted and settled my mouth on his.
I kept the kiss relatively tame compared to the one we’d shared at the end of the pier and then took his hand in mine.
Matias’s words rang in my ear, but it didn’t matter.
I couldn’t be careful because I was already in too deep.
But I couldn’t bring myself to regret it.