Chapter 21
Brett
Having Felix in his house for longer than a drop-off wasn’t something Brett ever thought would happen, except when Felix had looked after him that once.
Mainly because he didn’t mix business and pleasure, and Felix was the only person he’d ever wanted.
He tried to see his space through Felix’s eyes, and he found it wanting.
For Brett, it was a place to rest his head for a few hours, not a home, but it was sparse and almost cold.
When Felix had brought him home and stayed with him that day, Brett had been so out of it he had no thoughts about whether the place was in any condition to have visitors, and Felix had mentioned nothing, so he hadn’t let it concern him.
In fact, he hadn’t worried about it at all until that moment, standing behind him as Felix took everything in while he wandered around.
“What did you do while I was out of it that day?” Brett asked, knowing Felix would understand what day he was talking about.
“I fed your cat, at least from a distance, and then read a book,” he said, skimming his fingers along the short set of shelves near the TV.
“I didn’t have a cat,” Brett said, but the miaowing that started straight after his words belied them. Felix raised his eyebrows, and Brett flushed as he headed for the kitchen door. “Well, I didn’t at that time.”
He opened the door, and Rosie came bounding in, winding in between his legs.
He reached down and stroked her for a moment before heading into the kitchen to check on the kittens.
He could feel Felix’s presence as he knelt beside the cardboard box filled with blankets and little furballs.
Rosie butted up against his hand again, and he obliged, stroking her with one hand while he stroked each of the kittens with his other.
The calm that came with the motion was one he still struggled to acknowledge.
“I never would’ve guessed it,” Felix murmured, leaning against the kitchen counter and resting his hands on it behind him, and Brett loved seeing him there.
“Rosie has been visiting me for years. Then she turned up the other day with a family. I have no idea if Rosie is someone’s cat or not, but she had them here. I couldn’t not help her. One didn’t survive.” He bit his lip. “I buried it.”
“I’m sorry.”
Brett stood and refilled the food and water bowls, and then busied himself making a hot drink. “Coffee?”
“I’d better not if I actually want to rest. As much as I love the stuff, I try not to drink it too close to sleeping.”
Brett snorted. “If you keep telling yourself that, you might eventually believe it. I’ve never known you without a coffee in your hand.”
“When I’m at work, yes. It doesn’t work me up like it does others, but too close to bedtime and I won’t sleep. Anyway, I much prefer…” He stopped.
Brett smiled and handed him a mug. “Hot chocolate.”
Felix cradled the mug in his hands, and Brett tried not to see the bruises, scrapes and cuts on his hands and face.
Some things needed talking about, but everything could wait.
Felix was home, and that was all that mattered.
The coldness he’d always found prevalent in his home was conspicuously missing.
He didn’t feel the need to escape, like he usually did.
“Have you told your parents that you’re back?” he asked.
Felix nodded. “I called them earlier. Mum wants to see me, but I said it would be a few days before I could get there.”
“Why?”
Felix licked his lips and swallowed. “I can’t right now,” he murmured, staring at his drink.
Brett hesitated in his next move. He knew what he wanted to do but wasn’t sure how well-received it would be.
He didn’t know everything Felix went through while he was gone and didn’t want to bring up any bad memories, but he also hated him looking so lost. Decision made, he put his mug down and stepped closer to him.
He took Felix’s mug from him and put it down as well and then slid his arms around Felix’s back, tugging him into his body.
Felix’s forehead rested against his shoulder for a few long seconds, and Brett didn’t think he would respond, but then a sob ripped free, and Felix’s hand clawed at his back as his tears soaked into his shirt.
Brett tightened his hold, his own tears dripping down his face as he listened to the man he loved break.
He didn’t think it was all to do with the kidnapping, either.
Felix had never wanted to become the man his uncle had trained him to be.
As much as Frank had given Felix the skills he needed to survive, he had also made him into a weapon, and Brett didn’t like that.
Whether or not it had been Frank’s intention didn’t matter.
The fact was, those skills Felix now had, the ones that protected the people he cared for, were the same ones that made him hate who he was.
Brett wasn’t sure how long they stayed in the same position, but eventually, Felix sniffed and relaxed a little.
Brett didn’t let go until Felix pulled back and looked at him, and even then, he cupped his face and wiped away stray tears with his thumbs, not wanting to move too far.
His stomach swooped as he stared into Felix’s eyes, losing himself.
“I wish I could’ve saved you earlier,” he whispered. “I gave up when I got that video.”
Felix shook his head. “No, you didn’t. I know you. You wouldn’t have stopped.”
“I told them to stop focusing on finding you because we still had a job to do,” he admitted, the words scraping through his throat, even as the self-imposed knife cut through his heart.
“That’s what you should do. You have an important job, Brett. You have to make hard decisions. But you never would’ve stopped until you found me.” Felix’s fingers dug into his side, making him aware of how close they still were.
“I should’ve—”
“You should’ve done exactly what you did. Your job,” Felix interrupted. “You would’ve expected nothing less from me if the roles were reversed.”
Brett’s throat closed, and he felt more tears threatening to fall. He closed his eyes, shaking his head. “I can’t lose you.”
“You won’t.”
Warm, chapped lips met his, and he let his tears fall.
He wanted to deepen the kiss, to hold Felix and never let him go, but the man had just come back from who knew what experience, and he couldn’t do that to him.
He let Felix set the pace and then couldn’t help himself when Felix opened his mouth.
He licked inside, exploring the depths of his mouth while their tongues tangled, their lips sipped, their breaths merged.
He didn’t want to push, so he gentled the kiss, eventually pulling back and pressing his lips to Felix’s forehead.
“Let’s get you into bed,” he murmured.
“A bed, huh? A little basic for someone like you,” Felix teased, and Brett couldn’t help the smile he sent his way.
“I like basic as well as…not,” he said. “But you need to sleep.”
While Felix busied himself in the bathroom, Brett tidied his unmade bed and fetched some clean sheets, but before he could change them, Felix stopped him.
“Don’t. I want to be able to smell you,” he said, eyes on the floor rather than on him. He’d changed into a T-shirt and nothing else, bar his briefs, and Brett inhaled through his nose, trying to control his body’s response. Felix’s uncharacteristic nervousness helped.
“Okay. It’s all ready for you then.”
He put the sheets on a cupboard by the door for him to take out when he left and turned back to see Felix’s ass as he crawled onto the bed.
Brett closed his eyes for a second before averting his gaze to the light switch, turning off the main light and leaving the room in the warm glow of the lamp on the bedside table.
He stepped closer, helping pull the duvet up to cover him.
Felix’s hand caught his as he went to turn away.
“Stay.”
Brett met his gaze, his eyes watery but coherent. Felix nodded at Brett’s silent double-checking, and Brett squeezed his hand once before letting go.
“Let me lock up everywhere, and then I’ll be back.”
“Okay.”
Brett ensured the house was secure and that Rosie and the kittens were closed in the kitchen, and headed back to his bedroom.
He expected Felix to be fast asleep, but he was in the same position as he had left him, though his body visibly relaxed when Brett entered the room.
He closed the door behind him and pulled his shirt over his head, tossing it towards the basket.
Hesitating when he reached for his buckle, he glanced at Felix, whose gaze was still on him, and removed his trousers and socks.
He slipped beneath the covers of the bed and faced him.
“Is this okay?” he asked.
Felix moved closer until they were almost nose-to-nose and slid his hand over Brett’s that lay between them. He turned his palm, and they locked their fingers together. Felix closed his eyes, shuddering.
“Much better,” he murmured.
Brett watched him as he slept, the tension slowly dissipating as the frown lines between Felix’s eyebrows lessened and his breathing deepened.
He continued to watch him through the hours, moving with him as he got comfortable in his sleep.
It was several hours later when Felix plastered himself to Brett’s side, his head resting on his chest with Brett’s arm around his back, their fingers locked together on his stomach.
He doubted he could move even if there was a bomb threat.
He’d dozed a little, but not much, because every time Felix moved, Brett’s gaze darted to him to make sure, first, that he really was there with him, and second, that he wasn’t in any pain. So, when Felix finally roused, Brett was both exhausted and full of energy.
Felix glanced up at him with a lazy smile. “Hey.”
“Hey, you. How are you feeling?”